“Expectations” or “Desired outcomes”

Hello Guys,

Happy New Year!!!🥳🥂

First of all, I’d like to thank all of you for your presence last year, too. Your love, kindness and support mean everything to me. You’re the best of the best!!!🤗

The last weeks of 2025 gave me lessons, miracles and new perspectives on a couple of things, but I want to share with you the biggest. I suffer from letting go of the things that mean the most to me. We all have plans, goals and expectations regarding the outcome. I have read a lot about letting go of things, not forcing, and not wanting what you want. I had no idea how to do that. I thought a million times that I had finally figured it all out, but it always turned out that I was so far from it. (So, based on the past, I am still not sure, but I have a new way to see life.) 

How can you let go of things that matter the most to you? How can you live without expectations? How do you want things not to be in a certain way? How do you avoid forcing outcomes, but instead work towards them? How can you stay in the present without fear and guilt? What does it mean to let go? How do you not get excited about the future?

I was never good at these. I knew the technicality, but was never able to put it to use. I tried to force myself to let go of things by trying to convince my mind that they do not matter, but in the end, I had these hard feelings inside me. I used the “fake it until you make it” theory and hoped that one day the feeling would disappear, and I would feel free. But never happened. Everything was hard all the time. It was supposed to be easy with all these things, but it never was. 

Since I can remember, New Year’s Eve was a big deal. I always started the year with this “New Year, New Me” attitude. I had my long list of goals, rituals to close the past year, and I was so excited about the year ahead, because I was “sure” that “This year, is My Year”. So I hyped myself up, I started to work so hard on my goals, since January 1st. I accomplished so many things, but I had a burnout in May. Then, I “had rest” during the Summer, and since September every single year, I was depressed, because another year went by and I didn’t get what I honestly wanted. Most of my years were set up for disappointment, and they did disappoint me. I was, and I am so good at teaching goal setting and all the positive mindset to everyone else, but I wasn’t able to use it in my life. (Well, I thought, I did, and I had successes, but never lasted for so long.) Because of the excitement, I was so high up in the sky, and I fell so badly to the ground when something didn’t happen the way I wanted to. I thought I didn’t have expectations, but I had. I thought I let go of what I wanted, but I didn’t. Battles, fights and forces wrapped in a positive attitude. I knew what to do, but I couldn’t do it. Until December…

As usual, I wanted something so bad. Visualised it, manifested, journaled about it, so basically I did everything that was written in “the book”. It seemed all good, and it will happen. So I had a huge expectation. But life happened instead. Everything started to fall apart. What I thought was fixed had just disappeared. All my imaginations were crushed and smashed. I stood there, and I felt my whole World collapse. That’s when I hit the ground again. I felt broken, tired, disappointed, and lost. And that’s when I decided not to stand up again. I felt like a broken toy that is way too broken to be fixed again. So just stay “broken”. I decided to go forward with my life, but if something good happens, I’ll be happy; if not, then it doesn’t matter because I’m already broken. Obviously, at the beginning it was sadness and depression, but days go by, and I realised what I have never understood. 

1. I was always up in the clouds or down on the ground. It was a way big distance between the two. The higher I was, the bigger I fell. What if I’m happy and go on with my dreams and goals, but closer to the ground, so the possible fall can be smaller? What if I just live my life day by day, and be happy for the good things, and don’t care about the bads, just feel them, learn from them and then go on. If I win, I’ll be in a better place, but if I fall, then nothing happens, because I’ll be where I am now.

2. Finally, I understand the difference between expectations and desired outcomes, and based on this difference, I now see how I can let go of my goals. Create from alignment instead of force and want. 

To understand the difference, I had to realise what each of them means. (Not the dictionary version!😅)

• Expectations: come from force, and more often from fear of failure. It’s a closed mindset’s by-product. It comes from a “want” state, which is never a relaxed energy. When we expect things, we have a certain way in our mind, and we are not able to let Life/God/Universe give us something better. We fixated on an outcome that may or may not be the best for us. We chase things and don’t let them flow.

• Desired outcomes: come from alignment, faith and ease. It’s an open mindset. It comes from allowance. Still have your goals, dreams and hopes, but if they will not happen, don’t crush, because it was only an optional outcome, and not a written-in-stone demand to the Universe.

Basically, I let the Universe do what it has to do, and I live my life. If you know me, you know that I’m a hyperactive, never-stop, cheerful, buzzing person. Not a dull moment with me. 🤷‍♀️But that caused my troubles. Friends and family members warned me all the time, but I never listened… I never truly understood them. Now I do. This was my time to get it.

I live my life, do what I like to do, try new things, and I let go of the expectations. I have desired outcomes, but these are not from force or fear. Also, if fear comes, I let it. It’s okay to be disappointed and sad if something doesn’t work out the way we desired. That’s normal human nature. Fair enough to cry when you need to. It’s okay to be angry and upset. Having desired outcomes doesn’t mean that you gave up, and it is what it is. In my opinion, is quite the opposite, you work for what you desire, just don’t let that thing drive your whole life.

Let’s have a look at some examples!!!

Let’s say you want to lose weight. You have what you want, like the size of the clothes that you wish to achieve. So, you create a plan for what to do every day to get there. You wake up everymorning, and you do what is on your list. If you check your weight every single day or measure your body parts, run while you hate running, after a month of “working on it” (aka suffering and force), you will be disappointed, you’ll give up, only because you had an expectation, instead of a desired outcome. But if you have the desired outcome, you still have the end goal, but you also live your life. You choose the funniest, happiest, most suitable way to get there. Instead of running, you dance, or instead of broccoli, you eat carrots. You walk to work instead of driving. You live your life, you laugh, you work, you do everything else, and you only check your size when the deadline is. And the most amazing thing is that if you haven’t reached the goal until the deadline, you will not be sad because at least you had fun, and you can even change the deadline (of course, if it is for your wedding day… well, maybe better not to change the wedding date only because of the dress’s size.😅) What I say is that you should not live your life around your goals, let the goals be around your life. 

But here is another example. Let’s say you want to find love this year. You are on the dating apps, you dress up every night, look perfect, and go on dates. You meet new people, but somehow, The One doesn’t want to come. You do this for months and months. Each time it gets harder to go out, try to be perfect. You have a job, family, friends, so you have a life too. Managing everything and being on the dates gets you exhausted. In a couple of months, you burn out, feel disappointed and never want to go on a date again. You feel a failure and just have enough. That’s when you have expectations. But what if you just live your life? Go to work, spend time with your family and friends, and only go for a date whenever you feel like it, when you wish to meet a new person. Of course, the desired outcome is to find The One, but if the other person isn’t that person, you just shrug your shoulders and see it as you had a nice experience. Try new things, go to new places without wanting to meet the love of your life, just for the fun. Never know when and where your people will be. 

Desired outcomes are like the kids’ wish lists. When we were kids, we had wishes. Sent the letter to Santa with all the things we “wanted” to get for Christmas. If we didn’t get all of them, we weren’t so disappointed, because we were happy with the other things that we got. Then we grow up, and instead of wishing for things and being happy for what we already have, we start to want things like our lives depend on them. Maybe I don’t have the love of my life, but I have a wonderful family, friends, students, clients and lovely people around me. I do what I like, and every day I spend on this earth with the people I love is the biggest gift ever. A kid doesn’t send a letter to Santa every day until Christmas just to “make sure” that he/she will get the gift. They don’t visualise it every day for 7 minutes. If the gift comes to their mind, they think about it and then go to play and forget it. They don’t build their lives around the desired toy; they build the toy in when they have it or come to mind.

That’s what we forget. That’s what I forgot. Be happy with what I have, and everything else is a gift. I’m grateful for the people around me and my life every day; these things are the real gifts. The money, the career, the love, the weight, and the material things are just bonuses. So, yes, I have my desired outcomes list, and if they come to my life, great, but if they don’t… well, my life is great without them too. 

I’m not saying that we never get disappointed. We do, and that’ fair enough. But it’s easier to see the good in life if we wish for something and don’t want it. That’s how you know if you force the outcome you want. You WANT and not wish or desire.

To actually get what you want, you only need to use this formula: 

Desire (Wish)+ Work= Magic (desired outcome)

I hope this helps, guys!🥰If it does, please follow for more here, on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest too. I wish you all the best, and the most SpitFired up year!!!!🤗

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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