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Kings and Queens

Hello Guys,

I know, you are so surprised to have me again in such a short time. Don’t get used to it, but this subject has been on my mind for weeks and finally decided to come out.😅 So what you will read is about gender roles and their changes. Don’t worry I will not lecture or do a whole history class just my (and some wonderful ladies’) opinion. Like always, you can agree, disagree and please question everything I say.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a class (not about gender roles, but when a bunch of fantastic women sit together on a Saturday afternoon, anything can happen), and we started talking about fairy tales and how important they are for the kids’ growth. (I study pedagogy now.)Of course, when you talk about fairy tales and are a woman in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, you first think about Disney movies. And here is where all the magic started to happen.👸

100 years ago women had only one role: stay home and wait for their prince, he would sort out everything. Translation: women don’t have the right to vote or go to work, god forbids them even thinking about studying. I’m sure every one of you saw those commercials from the ‘50,’60 and ‘70 America where they display how should look like and behave a perfect wife. (if you are interested in this subject, watch the movie Monalisa’s Smile with Julia Roberts.) In Hungary was a bit different but not so much. Men went to work gave the money to their wives and in return, the love of their life did all the housework and took care of the kids. There were men’s jobs and women’s jobs and life was happy. And fairy tales based on this ideology. 

Look at Sleeping Beauty! She falls asleep, waits until the prince has done all the work, and finally shows up and kisses her. The best life ever! (By the way, I can be the best Sleeping Beauty, I love sleeping and it would be much better to pass my time via sleeping and wait for the goddamn price to kiss me than work and stress and save myself every single day!😉) Or Snowwhite! Come on! Same story. Okay with more poison, apples and dwarfs, but she waits while her prince fights the battles. – Little Mermaid, Cinderella, etc. The list goes on and on with the same theory. Girls have to do nothing while their men do all the work. They just have to be beautiful, doesn’t even have to say a single word. (It is even preferable to shut up and just be.) Was it good? Well,  it depends on who you ask, but in my opinion, it wasn’t good like this. (And we all agreed on it in my class.)

 But honestly, that was inherited from our parents and grandparents. I remember a conversation with my beloved grandma. I introduced my (ex) boyfriend to her and asked him to bring me my coffee. My grandma was so upset about MY behaviour and she told me that I could lose the guy if I didn’t start to act like a proper woman. I asked her what she meant and she told me that a woman’s job is to take care of her man and give everything to him, not the other way around.  And she did. I remember when Granny died we didn’t find Grandpa’s socks and he had no idea where they were because Granny prepared his outfit for the day every morning. She gave him breakfast, lunch, dinner, and coffee, and cleaned his clothes. She took care of the whole house. That’s how our parents were raised: men’s jobs and women’s jobs. But what about nowadays?

Look at the fairy tales. Merida…no need for a man, she handles everything. Rapunzel… she has a prop, Flint who helps her, but she does most of the work. Elsa…no man at all, but she is the hero. And that’s what our life looks like. Women became Heros. Life has changed a lot. Now women study, have lovely careers and don’t need a man. The world turned upside down. Women are more masculine than men. We struggle because society still wants us to do the “women’s jobs”, but get a degree first and have around the same amount of money that your man takes home. If you are single you get a stamp that you are a careerist, ambitious, and too strong. And because our men have become more feminine they are “scared” of a strong woman. Why scared? Well, a strong and independent woman is her own Hero. She doesn’t need to be saved or rescued anymore. A strong woman doesn’t need a man…but wants one badly. So she kisses millions of frogs until she finds her prince and doesn’t wait for the one. (I would be so grateful if someone just let me know the exact amount of frogs that should kiss because I’m f@cking tired of kissing the animals.🤷‍♀️) But what is the problem?

Communication! I had a discussion with my friend and mentor. She told me an interesting theory and she is right. So we talked about gender differences and how we feel as single women (she is a single mother too). We agreed that the main issue is the lack of communication. If we look at our lives we can see that we are afraid to speak up because of the “what ifs”. 

“What if they do not like me if I say such and such?” “What if my boss fires me and I do not have a job and I have to find another place (which by the way you wanted to do a million years ago because it is a sh@twhole, but you are too lazy to take the time and energy to get another one.)” “What if the guy will never call or text me back if I say honestly that I do not like his style or how he treats me?” “What if I tell my Dad that it feels so embarrassing when he treats me like a kid in front of the whole family?” All those “what ifs”. So we do not say anything, just assume or expect the other one to have a minimum of a crystal ball and know what we want. 

Another thing is when we open our mouths but avoid the “hard” conversations and talk about the total bullsh@t. Seriously, when you are over 30 and you are a woman the most important question is what the guy’s favourite colour is on your first date, instead of asking his view of the future (kids, marriage, plans, goals, etc.)? I mean, yes, if you are a teenager this will be one of the most important along with his favourite food and band, but over 30???? Come on ladies!!!! You don’t talk about these because “what if I scare him away”. Guess what?! If he runs away because of these questions, he is a boy and not a man and, if you don’t want to raise someone else’s kid, he is not the one for you. Thank God you figured this out on the first date instead of on your 10th anniversary.

My friend told me something interesting. Back in the day generations lived together and great-grandparents and grandparents helped the women to raise the kids, plus they did not have to work, so they never stressed, because they had help…without asking. Later grandparents were there. When women went back to work they were there and the community had a huge role too. In villages, people knew and helped each other with everything. Nowadays generations live separately, women have the same expectations from society and no one helps or they are conditioned not to ask for help. If we ask for help we feel weak and powerless. That’s what we learn in school too. If you ask for help the other kids laugh at you and start bully (“you dumbass”) or some teachers even note that you are not clever enough. You ask help from your parents as a kid and they are either not at home or don’t have time because of their million other activities. We do not communicate our needs, especially women because we saw in Moana that we have to sort out everything alone and all the positive quotes say that we are strong and able to reach the sky alone. I see that we can do so much and much more than we can imagine on our own, but there are times when we must ask for help and that’s not a weakness, that’s one of the strongest things ever, to leave our pride and admit that we are only human.

Last but not least, my friend has a 13-year-old son. He asked her how to deal with a girl. (Cute, yeah?😊) She told him the 3 ways to be in a relationship, but the first thing she said to him is this: “You sit down and talk about how you imagine your future together. Based on the girl’s answers there are 3 ways to live in a relationship and treat her.” The problem starts here. Parents are not teaching their sons how to deal with a girl or daughters how to treat a boy. Kids don’t learn what it means to be a man or woman. How to act, talk, be one and how to deal with the other gender. We do not have a relationship or gender classes. We learn everything from our experiences and we have so many failures until we may become lucky and finally, that Frog turns into The Prince. Women and men go out to the world without knowing who they are or what are their values and how to treat each other. No boundaries, only insecurity.

So what’s the conclusion? Women don’t need to cut the grass, fix the car or take the first step with the man they are so crazy about (let him be the man), even if you can. Men don’t have to bend and do all the housework, and raise the kids by themselves (but help is a MUST HAVE) especially if they don’t want to. But if you want something, please men up and make the first move, ask her out, call her first or text her without waiting for her to text you (because she is waiting for you as she is a WOMAN). Aka. Girls, it is okay, if you let the guys help kill the dragons and guys, please get your balls back and save us even if we don’t need it, please do not let us be the Hero all the time. 

Okay, even if you are a man or a woman SpitFire up your role and live your life!😘Finally, I want to leave you with Dr. Sara Al Madani’s quote: “ Men and women are not compete with each other they complete each other.”😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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10 season-changing tips

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and having a wonderful Fall. As much as I love pumpkin spice lattes, I still prefer iced coffees during hot summer days. BUT very soon we reach the second best time of the year… yeeeess, Christmas Baby!!!🤪 (Sorry, Grincses!!!! 😅)

Anyway, I’m not sure how you feel, but the days are getting shorter, the nights are getting longer, and the weather is chilly and miserable, so for me, it’s a hard job to get out of bed and not just stay there with a nice book and my coffee. Not to mention get sh@t done and be positive in the meantime. This is the hardest season-changing in the year. I’m excited when we enter the Christmas holiday season or not a problem with the “from Winter to Spring” short time. (As you know me, I love Summer, so I’m sure I don’t have to explain my relationship with that change. 😅)So if you relate, I have good news. During my time in London (where most of the time the weather is like this and not just in the autumn) I’ve tried many things to lift my mood and make it easier this period of the year. I found 10 easy things that helped me out of the season change.

  1. Go outside for a little walk. I know and I can even hear: “WTF is wrong with you? Are you crazy? It’s f@cking cold outside!”🤣- Well you are right, but research (and me) proved that only a 10-minute walk lifts your mood, clears your head, helps focus and reduces stress hormones in your body.
  1. Morning exercise. It can be anything. I do 30-40 minutes of yoga or pilates every morning and after that, I feel like I’m a brand new woman who can and will conquer the world. But it can be anything. Go to the gym and lift some weights.💪 Run, if you like. (I do if I have to… for my life.) Most important is to move your body a little bit because exercise will give you a dopamine boost so your mood will be instantly better.
  1. Meditate. Any kind of meditation can help. Focus inside, release the things that no longer serve you, and be quiet. Meditation can be a long walk in nature or sitting on a bench. Don’t necessarily have to be long. 5 minutes is more than enough if you are short on time. The most important is that you are in the present. We are so worried about our past mistakes and all the “what ifs” or stressing about the future, so we forget to enjoy the present. 🧘‍♀️
  1. Be with your loved ones. While the summer is all about going out, fall is more about staying in. But you can still interact with others. Organise a movie night or watch the match together at home. Some like to play board games nights, while others prefer the spa evenings. Family dinners are cool too. No matter what, just do with people who cheer you up. Human interactions are the best mood lifters. You will feel engaged, belonged and valued. 
  1. Dance. When I feel down and have no idea what to do to feel better, I always turn on my music and start dancing. Music is the best cure for everything. When you dance, you move your body and let go of all the stress, and worries and you are in the present. You do not have to be a dancer that’s the beauty of it. Just turn off your mind, feel the music and rhythm, and just be free. Loose yourself, and all the expectations and don’t care about anything else. (Well make sure you use earphones or the volume is not so high because usually, the neighbors’ music taste doesn’t match yours. I’ve tried and they weren’t happy. 🙄🤷‍♀️)
  1. Candles and coffee (or tea). When the days are darker we need as much light as possible. Light up a candle have your favourite coffee or tea and sit for a while. Feel the warmth, gratitude and, safety that a small flame can gives you. Give your soul and mind a bit of time. Buy a candle with your favourite smell. Like this, all of your five senses can be satisfied. Better if you have someone to smuggle with you while you do this lovely and relaxing “exercise”. (P.S. It can be a nice way to meditate too.😘)
  1. Journal. When you feel sad a bit because summer has just gone, grab a piece of paper and write down all the good memories. Everything and everyone why and who you are grateful for. Fill your soul and mind with warm feelings. We usually go back to the past to analyse our mistakes and blame ourselves. So why don’t we use our minds to recall happy memories? (Another good way to do this is if you don’t have pen and paper around you and need an instant mood lift if you check your photo album on your smartphone or social media.😉)
  1. Celebrate. Celebrate every small victory. Permit yourself to feel proud. Did you manage to get out of bed? Good, celebrate with a coffee. Have you done your job? Cool. Let’s eat your favourite cake. Done your morning exercise? High-five yourself. No matter what you accomplish during the day, reward yourself. Doesn’t have to be a big thing (but if you have the money you can buy the new iPhone as a reward 😉). Just make sure you let your mind know that you are super cool. (I know so many of you are on a diet and now shouting to me… hey, it can be anything, not necessary to reward with food. A smile to your reflection in the mirror with a nice affirmation, such as “You are the best, b@tch, we’ve done it!” is fine. However, BigMac with Coke is a bit more satisfying.😜)
  1. Watch a funny movie. While watching a comedy your body produces dopamine and you will feel happy and excited again. My go-to movie is Mamma Mia. Dance, Music, fun and romance together. What is your favourite happy movie? Sit down and give yourself time to enjoy it. When you feel a piece of sh@t, you just do yourself a favour and laugh. Allow yourself a bit of a smile. 
  1. Process the sadness. I know it doesn’t sound so positive and mood-lifting, but to move on is necessary to feel everything. If you just try to be happy and you forget to deal with the not-so-pleasant things, you create a resistance in your body and it will cause much more harm than good. So first sit down, feel the sh@t, cry, and let out the anger and the depression, so after that, you will have space for the good. There are many ways to release negative emotions, find yours. (I’m thinking about a full post with release techniques.🤔 Let me know if you want to hear them. 😂)

Don’t worry too much about the depressive weather and all those feelings, just let go of what no longer serves you and do something that makes you feel happy. Trust me all seasons are come and go, this one too. Very soon you will be ready to celebrate life (and Christmas😅) again. I am holding your hand and with you on this. Tom Hanks said once that the best advice he ever had was: “It shall pass!” Well guys Fall will pass soon so enjoy the good part of it, the colorful leaves, the pumpkins, the Halloween (I love that spooky night too.😅) and try to be in the present as much as you can. 

So nothing left to say other than Spice up your latte, fire up your candles and walk through Fall together because we are the SpitFires and SpitFires never left anyone behind.😘 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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25 life lessons from the past twelve months

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and enjoying the last few days of the 2024 Summer! 😊

So yesterday was the first anniversary of my move back to Hungary and many things happened during the past 12 months. The most repeated question in my life is: Do you regret moving back from London? Well, I had ups and downs, I had to throw away many of my “Plans” and almost nothing went according to my “Master Plan”, but I have learnt a lot. I have learnt from myself, my friends, my family, my life, the life back home, people I have left in London, work, challenges, etc. So instead of telling you all the ups and downs, I just want to focus on the lessons I have learnt, so maybe you will benefit from them too. Because I think these help us grow and be better.

So here are my 25+1 life lessons from the past 12 months: 

  1. My nephew’s smile is the best cure for everything. 😇
  2. It’s worth it to be brave and go out of your nutshell and try new things.
  3. If someone wants to see you, they will find the time and opportunity. (Even if they travel around Europe!) 😉
  4. You do not need so much money to organise a kids’ party.
  5. I still look cute in my Santa hat. 🤶
  6. Time with your family and friends you cannot buy on money.
  7. I can be happy alone too.
  8. Walk 8000 steps or more and you lose 5kg under 2 months. 😉
  9. No matter how kind, good-looking, nice or helpful you are, you will always have haters. And that’s okay because it means you doing good.👠
  10. Let people judge you. You have nothing to do with their opinion. You are not equal with the things people say or think about you.
  11. Sunset is ALWAYS magical. Every day is the same and every day is different.
  12. The beach is my happy place. It calms my mind and helps me to let go of things that no longer serve me.
  13. A 70-year-old random lady can become one of the nicest friends ever.🥰
  14. You must go out, especially when you want the less.
  15. Someone will never change because they do not want to. Let them be and try to avoid contact with them or cut them out if possible. 
  16. I can’t/won’t and want to save everyone. Everyone has to take responsibility for their actions. I do not have to fix everything and everyone.
  17. If you want something, believe it, work hard for it and if it is meant for you to have it, you will. Just try never to give up.
  18. Music is the best therapy!!!!! (No more comment, that’s it!) 👨‍🎤🎸
  19. Hungary isn’t so cold during the Winter, but the snow is magical. ❄
  20. Have a healthy diet, take care of your body and shape, BUT… absolutely unacceptable and even I think it should be charged the people who don’t eat lángos, chimney cake and drink beer during the Summer, next to the Balaton!!!! That’s it! No excuse! Sorry! Seriously, who hurt you in your childhood??? 🤣😝
  21. When you are 35 years old or above, you cannot party 3 nights in a row. Nope! Trust me, I have tested this theory for you guys! 😅 (By the way, you’re welcome!😂) (If you can, you are my Hero and please message me the secret😅)
  22. Nothing will go according to “The Plan”, but be excited about what better things will come.
  23. Seeing old friends helps you close parts of your past you thought that they are closed already and warms your heart.
  24. You never know when you meet new friends. Some will stay and some will not and that’s okay. Most of our friends are only for a season and not for a lifetime. Be grateful for the time together and when/if the time has come, release them. Everyone is just a passenger in our life. 
  25. You need to be careful because people understand the language you speak. (Long, funny, but so embarrassing story, not today.)😅

+1: Be excited for the future and try not to control everything in your life. Shit will happen and it’s okay. Feel bad, be angry, cry, do whatever feels good. Stop, relax and then kick your ass (or if you are a woman, straighten your crown), Spitfire up and move forward! If you believe it much better things will come than you can ever imagine!👑

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Thank you for the pancake offers guys, you are amazing!!!!!!!! I am so grateful for your kindness! 🤣

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No husband, no kids, no pancakes aka single woman’s life in Hungary

Hello guys,

What’s up? I hope you are well and enjoying the Summer. It has been a while since I last wrote to you, but contrary to beliefs, a single woman has a life too with many tasks.

And my last sentence is the main reason I’m here. What is the connection between the pancakes and the single life? Well, trust me you will understand it very soon. Let me start with a story from a couple of months ago. So I asked my Mom to make pancakes for me. Of course, she said yes, but something always happened so I left without pancakes. (I know I can do it for myself and why am I waiting for my mother to do this for me? But trust me, it is much better if I do not even start the pancakes…anything else but this food. 😅) Later on, it seemed that the stars were aligned, and I could eat this delicious dessert…but something happened again…my mother asked my sister-in-law what she wanted to eat (because our family gathered together again) and said something else. 

Now I want to stop here for a second before any misunderstanding happens. I love my sister-in-law and I love the food she suggested, plus my mom didn’t say yes to her on purpose or because she disrespected me or she put anyone above me. Life just happened and mom forgot that she promised the pancakes to me. So you can ask what is the issue then? The “issue” was that my amazing mother told me when I confronted her that “your sister-in-law carries my next grandchild”. It makes sense and I agree, but a few months earlier my dad told me that he could not ask my brother about something (that I totally forgot and not even relevant) because my brother has his family and he has a life. I told my dad that even though I do not have a family of my own I have my life too. But he said that’s nothing, you do not have a life until you have your own family. 

And these two events made me think. So if I read this situation correctly, if you do not have a husband and kids, you do not have a life aka you have time and energy to do everything that everyone wants and your vote will count next time whenever you get at least a boyfriend next to you. Hmm. Interesting.🤔😅 It seemed that I had to get pregnant to get my pancakes.😱😅

I started to think and recognise some basic truths about how your family, friends and the people around you usually see you in Hungary (especially in the countryside) if you are 35 years old, a woman and single. First I want to clarify some things. There are two types of singles. 

  • The ones who chose to be single. They do not want family, kids or the complications that even a relationship could cause. 
  • And there is another type (just like me), life happened. They want to have a family, kids and all the other things, but Life hasn’t given it to them yet. They are not single by choice. 

And the biggest problem is that no one makes an effort to ask you which single group you are in. Most people don’t even realize that types exist. They just automatically assume that you chose to be single. This is what you want. 

When I used to live in London, no one cared. Why would they? 10-12 million people in the city, and nothing new under the sun. I wasn’t the only one who didn’t have a relationship. The age is crucial in this subject. If we lived in the Bridgerton era, I would be called a spinster… well, I am called the spinster nowadays too (totally like Bridget Jones).🤣 Anyway, in London, no one cares if you go to the Mall in your pyjamas on Sunday afternoon, so obviously they care less about your marital status?!

BUT in Hungary… different. ( I know if I lived in a big city here in Hungary would be easier too). Big city, with millions of people, so no one knows you. In Hungary, the whole country’s population is less than the number of people living in London. It means that everyone in the country knows everyone or at least some who knows someone, who knows at least one of your relevant.🙄 And we Hungarians are very judgy. We judge everything and everyone. The social expectation in the countryside is that you have to be married, have at least one kid, your house and car in your garage before the age of 30. If you are at least not married before you hit the third X and you are a woman… you better dig your grave and wait for death, because “you will die alone”. (Or at least that’s what they say.)

So here are some of the latest examples I have heard regarding my marital status from my beloved circle:

  1. “Something is wrong with you! You are too picky, you are not good enough or you are way too strong so every man just runs away from you.”- I do not even want to comment on this. 😂
  2. “We are worried because kids are the meaning of life.” I love the kids and I wish to have one, but still, I think my life has a purpose without them too. Maybe I am wrong. 🤔
  3. “There aren’t many decent guys left at your age, you cannot be picky otherwise you will never get married. (and die alone)” Again, I wish to get married one day, but I rather live alone than be in a toxic relationship just to be married and have kids, so our society accepts me. No one can make you happy, you are the one who is responsible for your happiness. Plus not everyone is that lucky to find her/his other half 10-15 years ago and live happily ever after. (At least not that much I know.)
  4. “You need a husband, a house, a kid, a dog and a car, so your life can be happy.”- No one ever asked me what makes me happy. Some people are happy alone. Some of us are just happy if we can travel instead of changing diapers.

These are just the few sentences I have to hear. Getting a boyfriend is not easy. It is not like I go to Tesco and buy one. I do not choose to be single. Life happened. I had relationships, I had my heart broken and during the pandemic, I closed myself and now I try to open up again. If you ever had a heartbreak, you know it is hard to get out and trust again. However, I try, to give everyone a possibility. I do not search for a boyfriend, husband or anything… he will come whenever it is the time. (Well, if not then I inherit everything to my nephews. 😅) I am fine as it is, to be honest. But I am sharing with you my last two experiences (just to support my claim)…since these two men, I care less about dating than ever. 

  1. He is a lovely guy, so nice and kind. However, after 2 days of talking on the phone (not even meeting), he told me that his goals are for this year to get married and have a kid. (It was in the middle of February). – I mean, I want these things but NOT TOMORROW!!!!!🤣I am not desperate. Plus this is another important thing to mention, that there is a difference between wanting a kid or a family. I do not want a kid just to have one and thick on my list… I want a family with a partner to grow together and support each other. 

Also, this guy told me, he would give his salary to his wife, but he wants her to clean, wash the dishes, cook, do the laundry, etc. But in return, he will do the “men’s jobs”.- I can cut the grass too, thank you. I am not a feminist and I want the guys to open the door for me but to share the housework (men and women work too) is basic with me. I do not wish to be anyone’s maid. 

  1. This last one wasn’t even a date or anything. The guy liked me so much and he couldn’t be more obvious even if he would try to. We met at my friend’s house and for the whole evening, he just talked about how beautiful my eyes are and how lovely my smile is, etc.- So the point is that he was cute, but he doesn’t like to take care of personal hygiene. No more explanation… I do not even want to go into this. Let your imagination work. 

So after these two I “gave up”.😅 Trust me there were more interesting stories, but a woman never gave out all her secrets. Maybe I am picky, but to me personal hygiene, nice talk about various things or not dealing with me as an object is important. I am not perfect. I have millions and millions of defaults. My teeth are not straight, I have a couple of wrinkles, I am chubby during the winter, I am also stubborn, loud, passionate and very moody, but I know my values. 

Even though it is annoying to listen to people’s judgement, I do not care. Don’t get me wrong it bothered me and I felt I was nothing and no one… I even started to feel depressed again, but I stopped and started to think and then I realized something that I always tell you guys: At the end of the day doesn’t matter what people think of you until you are happy with yourself and your life. And I am. I am not where I thought I would be at my age, but I am happy with what I have. I have plans, goals and dreams, just like everyone else. What will happen next I am not sure. I have no idea how my life will be in 5 years, but I do not let other people’s noise get into my head and destroy the good things in my life.

So being single or married, divorced or in a relationship, doesn’t matter your material status, the only thing matters the most is that how you feel about yourself and your life.

SpitFire up and enjoy this period of your life because you never know what tomorrow will bring.🤗

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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Blue Ribbon Regatta

Hello Guys,

I hope you enjoy the Summer just as much as I do. I didn’t plan to write to you today, however, I had a huge realisation about life and myself this morning because of the Blue Ribbon Regatta.

The Blue Ribbon Round the Lake Balaton is an international sports event, the most prestigious and oldest in Europe. It is a round-the-lake competition. Start and end in Balatonfüred. 50 boat classes, 155+km, 48 hours and around 500 boats. One of the most amazing views is when the lake is full of sailboats. This year’s Blue Ribbon started yesterday and since I can remember, I always wanted to see with my own eyes this event. Well, yesterday I had a chance.

I was super excited and didn’t want to miss a chance to see the boats sailing near my town’s beach. Thanks to the organisers and the technology everyone could track the boats’ ways (here you can see the last ones), I constantly looked at my phone. But Life happened. The start was amazing and they were quick, but the wind stopped and only a few lucky ones made it true to the strait, the rest were stuck. So when I went to see them, I could only see a few and the sunset was what I imagined in my head (full of sails) lost in the wind. However, the view was amazing with or without 500 boats.

Today I woke up, checked the tracker and saw the news. The winner is last year’s champion, who was only the 10th during almost the entire race and on the Keszthely’s turning point this boat had a 1 hour and 48 minutes backlog from the first 3 boats, but the MLS Raiffeisen Fifty-Fifty (congratulations to the team) won again with only one minute after a 12 hours and 24 minutes race. And that made me think and realise two things.

Life is like a boat trip or even a regatta. You only need one good wind and you can do the impossible. With a bit of luck, the 2 hours backlog became nothing. What is this if not the best example of Life/God?! We start good, happy, everything is fine… then Life happens and all of a sudden, the wind stops and we are stuck and our hands are tight. We accept the facts and move forward. One step at a time or one meter at a time. Using the tiniest wind we have and hoping, praying for more. We just keep going and keeping our faith. And when we accept our situation, and the circumstances, letting go of all the expectations… the wind finally comes. If we have enough experience, knowledge, and compassion, paired with a bit of luck we can win. We get the job, the house, the money, the relationship, everything we prayed and hoped for. But we need to believe and keep our faith. You never know which day will be the day that change your life entirely.

The other thing I have realised is more personal. Since I can remember I have been obsessed with sailboats. I have no idea why, but these things amazed me. Well, of course, they are slim, elegant, proud and free. Once you go to the open water nothing is around you, so calm too. I know they are symbols of freedom and many others before me used this metaphor, but I have never really realised what this truly means to me. I heard it but never touched by it. The sailors’ knowledge without the wind is nothing and also vice-versa. You need the help of Life/God. Also in your life. If the water is smooth and calm the boat is “happy”, just like us when things are in order. But when the storm comes, there are waves and the boat needs its captain’s knowledge and power to stay stable, we need our knowledge and strengths to keep up when Life/God through the storm. We have to keep our focus when life is “hard” and wants to teach us something important. Sailboats represent everything I wish to have in my life: elegance, smoothness, focus, pride, freedom, etc.

I have never had the privilege to be a passenger nor to step foot on a deck, but I still love and adore these things. In my eyes, they are the Queens of Balaton, they are the symbols of Life and freedom for me.If you wish to see pictures of the regatta and the breathtaking sunset with them click here on The Blue Ribbon’s Facebook page.

Have fun guys, Spitfire up and don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘 Here are some pictures I managed to take.😅

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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“Dearest Gentle Reader!”

Don’t worry, I will not start and never be able to copy the one and only Lady Wistledown, but this letter is addressed directly to you. (Plus I am obsessed with The Bridgertons at the moment.🤣) However, this isn’t the cause I remained silent for this long. I had to make many decisions during the past few months, including whether I wish to continue this blog. 

This blog was born because I always wanted to write a blog and continued since I moved back to Hungary to help me keep my English. But this became an update page for the lazy people around me. Many people around me started to ask when I created an update because since I moved home they know less about me than when I lived in London, simply because I posted more while I was back there. And to be honest that’s when I realised that I became a “people pleaser” again. I forget to read and use my post about this subject. ( Well, we learn until we die, I guess. 😅)

Since I started my life at home, unconsciously I came back to my old habits and old patterns which are attached to this country and the life I lived 11 years ago before I stepped foot on British soil. Even most of the people around me think that those years have not made any marks on me or worse, they simply ignore the fact that London changed me a lot, the truth is that I am not the same 23-year-old girl who left back then. So no, I will not pretend that I am she. Some things will never change such as the fact that I will always be a village girl, who speaks too much, laughs loudly and is way too sentimental, but I grow up now. And that’s something that everyone must accept. Of course, this was my fault entirely, I let them deal with me as if nothing happened in the past few years.

I decided to write in Hungarian too because I had enough of the fact that my friends asked me to do so. But honestly, I never wanted to write in my mother tongue. I wanted to improve my English when I started. This blog as I mentioned in one of my first posts is not for you who read it, it is for me who write it. Of course, I intend to help as many people as possible via my stories, and if you make an effort to read them, may or may not you get something. 

So no, I will not write in Hungarian in the future, because if you care about what is in this, you can make a small effort and use the Google Translator. And I post when I feel I have time and energy, but not when you want me to. This site will not be an update page for all the lazy ones. I understand it is easier to read what is going on in my life instead of calling, texting, messaging or contacting me in any other form of communication. I still want to help and that is still my mission with this blog, but with my own rules. I do not wish to check the stats that how many people read what I said or constantly wait for some feedback, so I feel approved, loved and precious. My psychology studies reminded me of something. Especially Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid. Maslow argued that survival needs must be satisfied before the individual can satisfy the higher needs. He said we first must satisfy the need for love and belonging or safety before we can do anything with self-actualization. Well, the only problem is that we think (most of the time we even strongly believe) that these needs can be satisfied only externally. I wanted to be loved and feel to belong so I bent my other needs and personality to fit in. And of course, the biggest lie: “ I do not want to hurt anyone.” Let me tell you something, You cannot hurt anyone and no one can hurt you, just like no one able to make you happy or loved, if you do not let them. Every level of the pyramid can and should be satisfied inside of you first and then, you can attract the external too.

I decided to live my life, write my blog and organise my time how it fits ME. If you want to be part of my journey I am so happy and you are more than welcome to read my words and hopefully get some help or at least laugh a bit about my silliness. You can write to me anytime on any platform, but I do not continue to write just for you, Dearest Gentle Reader. Those of you who are my friends or family members, I love you so much and without your support, I would be lost for sure, but if I do not post in 2 months and you want to know what is going on in my life because you care about me, please grab your “very” smart phones and drop a message, anytime. 😘

I know it wasn’t the usual Silly SpirtFiry post, but behind this screen, I am a human too. And as I always telling you: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘 

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: I hope, I will be back soon with some funny content about the Life of a Single in Hungary…trust me it matters the country and the city regarding this subject.😅 Love you all!!!

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Help for a friend

Hello guys,

My birthday is coming soon and usually, I do not ask for anything, because thank God, I have everything I need. 

However, this year I have only one wish to help my best friend to achieve his goal. He has a big dream. He started to write his first book. It is an amazing book, and my only birthday wish is that as many of you share his book’s links and subscribe to his launching pages.

I believe in the good in people and that we all want to help someone with a dream.

Thank you for reading, sharing, and subscribing!

I love you all!!! 😘

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

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Bumps on the road

Hello Guys,

I know I haven’t been active in the past few months and first I would like to apologise about this. I am so sorry, but I started another major “Life project” and I am almost finished with it (once I’ve done it, I will tell you all the details, I promise… and no, I am not moving again, this is something different. 😅), so that’s the main reason why I was in total silent.

But, I didn’t want you to think that I bailed on you or I had forgotten about my many promises, because I am not, and also I didn’t want another month to pass by without a word from me. So many nice things happened to me and I have learnt other important lessons and want to share two of them now.

Have you ever felt that December was a magical month and everything finally get it in shape, you were so happy and all of a sudden January just became total crap. Like on New Year’s Eve, someone just flipped the switch and from heaven you landed in hell? Even though you had all the New Year’s resolutions, a lovely list on a nice piece of paper, the year starts with sh@t. Well, this happened to me all the time. In almost all the 35 years I am on Earth, January became not just the longest, but the worst month of the year, after an amazing Christmas time. Like everything is against my resolutions. Until now. I think, I finally figured out the “Mistery of January”. Bumps on the road.

I know, now you are confused, so let me clear the air. 😅 (I am not crazy, or at least not worse than previously.) I thought Life/God was against me and didn’t want me to achieve my goals, so sending me all the signs in January to give up and continue to walk on the path I have been. But It has done nothing, just asked me to confirm if I am willing to do the work, even if sometimes it will be hard. It is all about our mindset. Previously, I convinced myself that these were “bad things” and that I did not deserve something better or different, but in the end, they were just bumps on the road. They are still annoying as Hell, that’s for sure, but we are the ones who can decide how we look at them. We can look at them in the way that these things are against us, or we can see them as guides. Lessons. If we do not give them the power and we only see some bumps that we can pass through, they will look less scary and more manageable. How to handle them? 

  1. Stop for a second (before you start all the drama in your head) and identify that something happened that doesn’t feel comfortable, so it is a “bump on the road”.
  2. Find what this “bump” tries to teach you, or what message it gives you. (Maybe, you have to just “confirm” that you want that thing on your list. Maybe you missed an important detail. You will know for sure. Just listen to your instincts.)

The other lesson that the beginning of the new year taught me came from my amazing friend and mentor. She told me this breathtaking example many times during the years since we knew each other, but this time I finally got it. (As Sansa Stark said in Game of Thrones: “I am a slow learner, that’s true. But I learn.” 😅) 

My friend told me that these unwanted events are nothing more than parents checking on their kids if they are sure about what they want. Like when you go to the store with your kid and let him or her choose one item. When they make their decision you as a parent ask them if they are sure about it, because they will not be able to change their mind, once you paid for the item. Sometimes you even tell them the downside of their choice too, to make sure they are certain. This is what Life does with us when we have the bumps on the road. Just asking us, if we are sure about our choice and sometimes shows us the consequences too. So next time, if you feel that everything is just pilled up, think about it as a bump on the road. Just a simple question from above. Nothing else. No one is against you, no one wants you to fail. Just a test.

In previous years I had my well-written list with all the things I wanted to achieve during the next 12 months, but for the first difficulties, I just gave up and chose the comfortable, easy way and had done nothing. I finally learnt that you cannot change or achieve anything without some discomfort. If you feel the excitement, and scares you, means that you are on your way to change, to get what you want. Because if you do the same things over and over again, you will have the same results. And the new, unknown things will terrify you, but that’s okay. As Cat said in Marry Me: “If you want something different, you have to do something different.” 

So guys trust your guts and don’t be afraid of the bumps on the road. I guarantee you that you will have them, but if you think of them as lessons and tests from the Universe/Life/God however you call it, it will be much easier to pass them. SpitFire up and good luck to identify and go through those little buggers.😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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“Let them” theory or how to enjoy the Holiday season

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and ready for my favourite holiday of all time… yes, It’s Christmas time Baby!!! 😅

Even though since Winter arrived, we are most likely to close ourselves in the room with a warm blanket, a nice mug of hot chocolate and a movie or book, we still have to interact with people around us especially now during the holiday season. Have you ever felt that you wish you had a magic wand and change the people around you? I am sure we all had this idea once or twice… hourly. But we all know that we cannot do this. (Nope, not in a legal way for sure. 😅)

Since I relocated back to my country, I have had more interaction with people and some of them are not avoidable. But what we can do if we are not from a Harry Potter movie? Well, I found the answer… actually, Mel Robbins found the answer with her “Let Them” theory. I link you here to the entire podcast episode about this, so you can hear from her the whole thing. I mentioned her name and work so many times in this blog and the fact that the woman is brilliant and I adore her. 

I heard about this theory from her a long time ago and my mentor/friend told me this in a different way, but you know how life works? You hear something, you do it, it works, and when things are good and Life flows, you forget about it and not practice it until you need it again. (Typical and absolutely wrong, but we are human, we have to make mistakes a million times to finally get them. Life!🙄)

Essentially, it’s about acknowledging that we can’t control other people and letting go of the expectations we force on those closest to us. You allow things as they are and not as you wish them to be. It is easier to say than done… I know. But it is easy. If you listen to the podcast you can have examples, but I share some of mine, how this little brain hack changed my life and especially my relationships.

So first, how to use it? Simple.

  1. Recognize that you are in a situation where you try to control someone or something. You need to stop first and realize that you are only able to control actions or reactions to the situation.
  2. “Let them”- accept the things/situation/people the way they are.

As I said, it is very easy and simple. How does it work? My favourite example, from my own life, is if your mother wishes to cook the holiday dinner instead of ordering from a restaurant…well, let her. (I love you Mom, you are the best! 😘) Instead of sitting around us and having fun, she does the Christmas dinner… we can just order from a restaurant, which would save time and energy for her, but this is very important for her to do it, so I have to let her be. Will I ever agree on this? Nope! But instead of arguing about this thing, I just let her do what is best for her.

Or the typical toilet seat argument… up or down? Come on?! Doesn’t matter… just let them down… or up. 😉 But we all know when colleagues go to drink after work and they do not invite you. Let them. If it is important to you to spend time with them outside of work, you can organize a drink too. I see that we are so different and we do not agree with many things, but instead of trying to change someone just let them be themselves. You can save so much time and energy by focusing on yourself and the way you like to experience this thing we call Life rather than just being upset that the people around us do not match the expectations we create. 

You can also use the “Let Them” theory to let people grow and fail. I know we wish to save the once we love to fail or have experiences that are not good for them, but if we do not let them, we steal them the opportunity to grow. I am not a parent, but I am lucky enough to have them in my life, also I have friends and family members who are parents and I see they try to save us from everything. It seems they know everything better, they try to control us and it is so hard for them just to let us live our lives and experience uncomfortable things. I get it. My friends say that I am a natural-born “protector”. I try to help everyone around me and protect them from having negative experiences. It took me so long to understand that everyone has to have their lessons. That’s how they learn to protect themselves in the future.

If you feel you are jealous about someone…again, “let them”. You have to let out this feeling from you. If you are jealous, it means you are not accepting the people and the way of Life how it is, so you need to let this. You are trying to control the people around you when you feel like this.

It is important to mention that there are some areas when we cannot “let them”. Here are the exceptions:

  1. Drinking and driving or if someone wants to do any other kind of dangerous thing. We DO NOT LET THEM!!! 
  2. Suicidal behaviour. ( I think this is something that I do not have to explain.)
  3. Discriminate others.

The “ let them” theory is not about that we let people walk over us, we can use it for our own “safety”. Protect our feelings, save energy instead of fighting all the time and help to understand people and ourselves more. It helps us to slow down, observe our reactions, find out our triggers and even have fun.

I do recommend you listen to Mel’s podcast and follow her on every kind of social media because she is brilliant. Also, if you want more info about my mentor, send me a direct message and I’ll give you her contact.

So now go, sparkle and (Spit)Fire up yourselves for the holidays and please “let them” instead of “fight them”! 😘 And if you wish, let me know how it helped you. 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

Happy Holidays Spitfires!!!!🎄😘

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

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Appreciate small things

Hello, hello

I hope you enjoying the Fall. Here in Hungary, we are so lucky as the weather is still sunny and above 20 degrees, so it feels more like late Summer than Fall, but the leaves are starting to fall down and change their colours.

And that’s how I ended up with this subject. This Summer in London wasn’t the nicest. It was chilled, windy and not as hot as expected (at least not much above 20 degrees and definitely not enough sunshine for me). So when I relocated to Hungary, I expected, I would feel hot again next Summer, but I was wrong. Since I came home (end of August) the weather has been incredible just like my mood. My friends and family often joke that I am working with solar energy, because if the Sun is up and the temperature is around 20 Celsius, I can conquer the World two times a day, but if not… Well, I am grumpy and feel low energy. I just wish to stay at home and relax the whole day. 

I started to feel happier and grateful for small things. I didn’t realise in the past years how much weather affects ME. Of course, I knew, because there are millions of studies about the amount of daily light and all the connections between this and our energy level and how it affects our performance. However, I just noticed that I am calmer and things that bothered me, now really don’t matter any more. Because I feel better I started to notice small things. Like how grateful I am because of the weather or how lucky I am that I can bake again. ( That’s one of my relaxing states, but this is a story for another day.) I can walk in nature, see the Balaton, eat delicious food, my bicycle, the shops and the kind strangers. But mostly for the fact that I am with people I love. 

I am happy that I can see my family and friends whenever I wish to see them and I do not have to count days and calculate my holidays. I finally live my life… I finally have a life again. I do things I love and be with the people I love the most. That’s my definition of HAPPINESS. I am sure this word means other things to each one of us. What I realised during these past months is that I can have the best job ever, I can live in the most bubbling place in the world, I can have all the money (this is still one of the most important and who says money does not make you happy, trust me, that person has never been poor), without sharing with my loved once means nothing.

So basically what I wish to say today is that I need to be surrounded by people I love and when I have this, I can see the small things and be grateful. Honestly feel the appreciation and not just saying or writing. If you ever heard “fake it until you make it”, you know what I mean. Most of the big motivational speakers, positive gurus or anyone who tried to be a bit positive heard that. Just start to count and write your blessings and you will feel it soon. I did it for years. Every day I wrote in my diary or notebook the things, people, places, and everything that I can be grateful for in the past 24 hours. Monthly I wrote a list about everything, from the water to the air why I was grateful, but most of the time I felt nothing. Or if I felt anything, it was when something really good happened. For sure after a bit of time, I started to notice the small things, like a nice cashier and made me feel a bit better, but somehow most of my days I felt empty. On my bad days, I felt anxious and depressed, even if the cashier was the nicest person ever or if I had my favourite cake from my favourite place. Don’t get me wrong, because I know that bad days are important and it is perfectly normal if I am not happy all the time, but something was missing. I wasn’t surrounded by people I truly loved and I tried to force the gratitude. I forced myself to feel something with all those lists. I don’t say stop doing it, because they are useful, but if you don’t feel something, please leave it for the next day. If you write every day for hours and after the first 30 things (including your favourite activities or people) still feel empty, just leave it. Go back and start again the next day. My suggestion is that if you skip 3 days and still feel nothing, please sit down and try to find the root of the problem ( or ask for help, from friends, a therapist, or anyone you trust). But if you feel gratitude, feel the appreciation and you forget to write them, don’t worry, it’s okay if you live your life you do not have time to document every moment of it, the most important is the feeling.

And trust me the small things will be the most important. Such as your kids went to school on time and you weren’t in a rush. Or when you have time to drink your coffee before work while you are sitting on a bench in a park. Or the time you could spend with your family, the lovely weather in October. It could be anything.

My favourite “small things” from the last couple of months were the birthdays I managed to attend, the goodnight hugs from my loved ones, the games with my nephew ( I love the slides on the playground), the fireworks with my parent in Szigetvár, the morning sticky notes from my Mom when I was there, the mother-daughter days, the chats with my Dad in our garden, the furniture shopping and build up, the grapes, the view, the Balaton, the fact that I made it, I am home. I could tell you a million other things, but what I appreciate the most is that I FEEL the gratitude, I FEEL the love, I FEEL I am alive.

So please go out and FEEL the life, not just document it and if I ever can help with anything, please send me an email or message me on any social media platform and I am happy to SpitFire you up!

Be happy and don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero. Also, follow me on at least one of the below. 😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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