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Let’s move on

Hello Guys,

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the Summer. First I would like to apologise for the fact that I haven’t posted for a while now. I promise I have a very good reason and I will share it with you in this post.

I mentioned earlier that I´m working on a “big project”…well after more than 10 years living in London, I decided to relocate back to Hungary at least for a year. I know, it is shocking.😅 However, after soo many discussions with family, friends, and people I usually listen to, I decided that this is the best for me at the moment (or at least this is what I feel is the best). Lately, my friends are moved back to their countries, life in London changed a lot after the pandemic and my last visit at home during Christmas time woke me up. 

I usually wait for two things in the year and these two things are my holidays at home with my friends and family. I am the happiest when I am surrounded by them. I am laughing more, I feel better and I feel alive. 

My life in London became just a huge waiting time, while I have done nothing just worked, came home, eat, took a shower and sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is my fault, but still, I was always tired and anxious. I became depressed, even though I had a nice career, and friends and I loved my life in London, I felt sad and lonely. Then I realised, I must change… drastically. First of course I had to start the change in my head and slowly turn my anxiety to hope, but still, I felt something is missing. I was wondering for years if I go back is just a run from my life, but after I moved into a nice place, I had a nice job and nice friends, I still felt this pull… the pull I haven’t felt in 10 years… the one that says, now you need to go and try. No matter what it will be, if you don’t try, you will regret it forever.

So I decided to relocate to Hungary. Why do I say relocate and not “move”? Simple brain hack. My anxiety and depression kicked in when one of my best friends at home ask me The Question: “So do you now move back to Hungary FOREVER?” Well… I started to sweat, I couldn´t bread, I felt I will die for sure… then I started to think… Do I want to move back forever? What if I change my mind? Do they all will be disappointed? Do I need to stay? What if I will change my mind? What if I will not like it after a year? All these questions just came into my mind at once… I felt tired, overwhelmed and to be honest, I just realised that I do not wish to move anywhere FOREVER. But I will buy a one-way ticket to Hungary and all my stuff will be transferred back… so technically, I will move back… and then I started to question everything (I know, again)… Is it really what I want or it is just an escape from my life? 

In the end, I figured out that nothing last FOREVER. I do not HAVE TO do anything. And my brain loves the idea that I go back for at least a year and once the year ends, I will see how I feel. I have a fully settled status in the UK, so in the next 5 years, I can come back anytime. My landlady and her family love me, so she said my flat will be available for me always, no matter who will live in it, they will take it out for me, and my workplace offered the same. 

So finally I decided to try. It wasn´t that quick and easy decision like it was 10 years ago to move here. First I started to think about it 4-5 years ago, we had soo many discussions with my friends here and there too about it, but in the end, I have two (a million others as well) very strong reasons why I do this: 

  1. As I mentioned in the previous post What is your “why”? My biggest why is my nephew. It was always hard to leave behind my friends’ kids, my parents, and my friends, but when I had to handle back my (at that time) 4 months old nephew…my heart was broken. I don´t want to be the aunty who just sending sh@ts and never there. I want to be there for him and never miss any birthdays or Easterns or any other occasions.
  2. At some point, everyone has to grow up and take responsibility. I can live in London and years just come and go and I will be in the same place in my life as I was last year or the years before. My life in London is an extended teenage life. I am having fun, I have money to buy sh@ts, and I have a job, but at the end of the day, most likely I am alone. Almost everyone important to me is in Hungary or will be.

I love my life in London and possibly I will come back or I will go and live somewhere else in the World, but at the moment I feel I need to go home for a bit and see how it will work (or not) for me after more than 10 years living in abroad. 

So I will continue to write blog posts, don´t worry, just not that often until the end of August. But I do not wish you to miss my moving fun, I want to include you guys, so I am working on making short videos and uploading them here, on YouTube and all the social media platforms, so please follow the Spitfires. Also, I am planning to do some mini-courses about mental health, motivation and positive life set later this year, so please just stay with me. During my videos, I also concur with my fears (my first fear is to upload my first video and see how you like me or don´t) and also give you some tips regarding moving out of the UK with a positive mindset of course. Obviously from the end of August, I will show you places in Hungary. I will move next to Hungary´s biggest lake, called Balaton, so I will have enough to share with you and we will continue our positive SpitFirey journey together, only my physical location will change.

Last, but not least, I would like to thank you for all your support here on the blog and on the social media platforms too in the last few years. Hopefully, these videos will help me not just keep my English, but get to know you guys better. 

I will bring the first video soon, but until that, please remember: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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When life gives you lemon…

aka 5 ingredients to start making the Life Lemonade.

Hello Guys,

I hope you are all well and having so much fun, now the weather is getting better and Summer is slowly, but surely coming. 😊 I know I haven’t posted again for a while, but so many things happened and I did not feel to come and write about them. This blog is basically a positive blog, but in the last few weeks, I had ups and downs. Don’t get me wrong, nothing terrible happened, but things did not go the way I planned them (aka life happened). I did not want to share these with you, but after yesterday, I thought maybe it can help someone. Maybe my feelings at the moment can be the one thing that makes it easier for others. I don’t know, but even if you just laugh a lot, it was worth it to write down.

I am not going into details, because it would be so long and I do not wish to share everything, but I will tell my thoughts and feelings.

Did you ever have the feeling that you planned everything, it was a perfect plan, you worked for it so hard, harder than ever, and you made what you possibly can and even more… and all of a sudden, the end was a huge NO from the Life? You gave all your heart, you had a plan, and you had a huge why, so just swallowed everything for months and months, because you were sure that if you do, you get what you want. You were the most positive person ever, you felt, you got this, and you put all your heart into it, and in the end… nothing…even if you know for 100% you deserved it. When life gives you that famous lemon.

Well, after all the ups and downs during the last couple of weeks, that’s what I felt yesterday. I worked for something so hard, I gave all my heart, and the answer was no.  I felt so down and I was pissed off. When I stopped for a second of my own “inner drama theater” and finally let the “drama queen” rest in me, I realized so many things… and that’s why I write this post to you.

  1.  I realized that I do not feel sorry about the thing I did not get… The only thing I was sorry for is myself because all my plans went down into the loo.
  2. I didn’t even want that particular thing… I just wanted the easiness which came with it.
  3. I am the one who did not appreciate myself. I have expectations. Remember when I wrote about these things? Well, I did not read and took the bits of advice I just gave it to you guys. (I should probably read more often than write. 😅)

I found out many more things, but I thought these are the most important. So the question is what do I do with these things? Don’t get me wrong I am still not positive and that’s okay. It will take time (so much time), but at least I started to get better. So here are my 5 steps to start making the Life Lemonade:

  1. I accepted that it is okay to feel peace of shit at the moment- Take the Lemons what Life offered. (And yes, the Bridget Jones’ diaries with vanilla ice cream are absolutely acceptable in this situation, so go for it!!!! 😉)
  2. I felt all the feelings- Cut and squeeze the Lemons.

I cried, I was angry, I shouted out loud, I vent out my feelings, etc. Doesn’t matter what, you have to feel it. No one can be positive always and especially not when you feel you wish to have a dragon that can solve the whole problem with a word (dracharys). If you try to be positive in these situations when you feel down, you force yourself and you make a huge resistance, which will cause you a much bigger problem later. Also, it would not be positivity, it would be stupidity. Seriously, to smile even if you are swimming in the deepest shit is the stupidest thing ever.

  1. I released the negative feelings (at least I started to release them).- Add them to water.

A million ways you can do it, you can sit down and meditate or write it on paper, sometimes it is enough just to cry, or you can go for a walk/run, exercise, etc. It absolutely depends on the person.

  1. Find the lesson.- Stir it up.

I did find the lesson in my situation. Because remember: “Everything in life is either a blessing or a lesson.” If it is painful… well friends, it will be a huge lesson. Sometimes just your body tries to tell you to slow down, sometimes you just have to be patient. In my situation, my lesson is to learn to love and appreciate myself. We first have to give ourselves what we wish to receive from others. And we cannot love and/or appreciate others if we do not have these feelings in us.

  1. Counting my blessings to start to feel better. – Add some sugar (even some mint) for a better taste…and slowly start to enjoy.

I don’t want or try to be positive. Just want to feel myself better, so slowly I can start to feel okay again and then good, great, and happy. I do not rush. But to start and count your blessings can help, because doesn’t matter how hard life is now for you and I am sure my situation is so far from the worst, you always have something to be grateful for. I have a lovely family and amazing friends, I live in a very nice area, I am healthy and everyone who counts is healthy in my life. I have food (amazing food) to eat every day, I have a job, and I have money, which I did not really have 10 and a half years ago. The list goes on and on. You can write as much as you wish, no minimum or maximum amount. I think the more is the better, because at the beginning you will not have the feeling, but with each thing, you will start to gain the feeling too.

(Of course, we all have different tastes, so feel free to try new things, and other exercises, and mix the steps, as you like it. In the end, it will be your Lemonade.😉)

I want you to remember something, if you did not get what you want you will get something much better. No matter what you wanted, a better thing is coming. Even if you cannot see it yet, as I cannot see how it will be better, we must believe that it wasn’t meant for us, because something much bigger is waiting. The lessons are preparing us for something greater.

So grab your lemons, squeeze them, add some extra ingredients, spice it up with some SpitFire, and slowly it will become a very delicious Lemonade

XOXO,

Krisz😘

(P.s.: Mom, friends I am fine, do not worry! 😅

One more thing, I will start a 21-day mindfulness challenge on Monday. Each day, I will share on Facebook and Instagram daily lessons (easy one or two steps story posts, each step will not take longer than 5 minutes to do), so if you wish to do it with me, follow the Spitfires on one or both of the social media platforms.)

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3 steps, and you have a price tag

Hello, hello

I hope you had a lovely week and had so much fun. As I mentioned in my previous post, I started to write this post and I was almost done, but then life happened and I re-wrote it. Don’t worry, I still write about the price tags, how, when, why, and what to do with those (little) buggers. I will share my 3 steps technique. 😎

We all know that if you want to buy something, you will get a little tag on it with the price. That’s normal when you go shopping. Doesn’t matter if it is clothes, shoes, groceries, electronics, or any other stuff, it will come with a price tag. We also know that nothing is free in the world. We pay for our internet, electricity, gas (for the last two we pay a lot nowadays), hairdresser, cosmetics, nail technician, gym, etc. So we pay for everything that we want. And these things are normal and we do not even think about these tags, because we know these are the “extras” and we learned at a very young age that we have money, so we pay for the things we buy exactly the amount that is on these little tags. (Unless you are in Hungary in the market, there you must negotiate the price Baby! 😅)

What are the price tags? Of course, we know that these things will tell us how much it cost the desired item or service we wish to have. Simple, easy, and common sense. No one needs to think about how much a new dress will cost (which by the way you need because you do not have anything to wear on Saturday night when you go out with the girls… that’s obvious), because there is the price tag and you can decide by the price if it is worth it for you or not (guess what, the new dress will worth the price and no, doesn’t matter the numbers, trust me). And we all know this, but there is something that no one teaches us in school, no one explains and everyone assumes that you know…everything comes with a price tag means, literally EVERYTHING, even your dreams and especially your goals.

The question is never whether you will have to pay for your wishes or not…no. The question is always: how much? But with our dreams, goals, and desires it is tricky because you cannot find a price tag that will tell you that, if you decide to chase your dreams means you will not see your family for maybe at least 1,5- 2 years, do you want this? No. No one will provide a price tag for those things, but trust me you will get them sooner or later. So how do you know the price tag, if no one telling you? How you can decide if your price tag is worth it or not? Well, that’s why when you set up a goal, you have to set up a price tag too. Otherwise, if you wait for Life/God/Universe to give you one… well, I am 99% sure you will not like it, but far worst, you will hate it as hell. Life always tests us. Just like a mother testing their child if they are sure they want pizza for breakfast (yes, for breakfast, and yes they will want it), Life will test you the same way. It will ask you if you are sure you want that desired thing. Also if we think about it is easier than with the other things in our life, because if you go to the grocery store and they say the milk’s price is xyz, you buy the milk for that price and you are not able to change it (okay, I know you can buy in another store, or find the cheapest in elsewhere, or go to the Hungarian market and negotiate, but please stick to the theory). However, you can decide how much will cost your goals, and how much you are willing to pay for them. Also, you can increase or decrease the amount, at any time.

So the last question is, how do we set up our dreams’ prices? (We already decided what we want, and we have our “why” too, furthermore we even brainstormed what things will make us happy, so that could be indicators as well.) How I do, it when I set up a price for my goals, is super easy. Only 3 steps.

  1. I take a piece of paper and write everything that I think I will have to do to achieve my goal. Everything. Even the smallest things. I usually do not stop until I have at least 50 items on my list, that’s the minimum and no maximum. (brainstorm)
  2. Once it is done, I will start to rate them from 1 to 10 on how likely I will want to do the thing. 1 is for me the “No, Not at all, Never Ever” and 10 is the “Hell yeah! Let’s do this Baby!”
  3. When  I have the rated list, I will just summarize the things which were rated between 8 and 10. To make sure it is clear. After that just mark 3 or 5, so you will not feel overwhelmed and you most likely will do those 3-5 things. Guess what? Those things will be your goal’s price tag.😘

Do you see? I told you it is very easy. Okay so let’s see an example from my past and then I will let you have fun with your own price tags. So during the pandemic, I decided to lose weight. Not because I was fat, but because I wanted to be healthier and in better shape. I knew I wanted to lose at least 5kg (sorry guys, you convert it for yourself, I can’t and don’t want to please everyone😘). (I have done the 7 levels of deep, below the “What is your “why”?” post, someone asked me for an example from me regarding this exercise and shared there in a comment my “why?” for this.)

  1. I have set down and listed everything that I thought I could do to get the result. For example, exercise 2 hours a day, lift weights, eat more vegetables and fruits, leave bread, no pasta, no sweets, no hamburgers, drink at least 2l water a day, sleep at least 8 hours, etc. The list was soooooo long. 
  2. Sleep, drink water, eat more healthy stuff: Absolutely 10, “Hell yeah!” I will do those things, I love them. Easy baby!😎 But no pasta, no bread, no sweets?!?!?! NOOOO. “No, Never Ever!!!” 😱
  3. Last step, to make sure I will not feel overwhelmed and exhausted, I made a list that every day I will drink 2l water, sleep at least 8 hours, and eat healthier, but I will count calories (eat everything, but make sure smaller portions), Sunday is my cheat day, so I can eat sweets and exercise a lot (which is easy for me because I am still hyperactive). 

This was my price tag. I could and would pay this price to lose weight. I can confirm that I did. In 6 months I lost 5kg without suffering because I find my way, the way was fit for me and I knew what the price would be and I was willing to pay it. 

Also very important as I always say, to listen to yourself. This exercise helped me to set up my goals or achieve them, but may it will not be yours. I have tried many other things until I found the techniques which work for me. So try it and if it works, fine, if not, well don’t worry, there are millions of other exercises. You just need to find the one which will fit you. Oh, and you can change it just as the shops do with their prices… either you can raise or lower down. No limits and no failure if you feel that something is not worth it anymore.

Now, come on, GOOOO, and set up your goals’ price tags, but before you start don’t forget to (Spit)fire up yourself.

Love you guys and make sure you know that: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Any questions, or concerns, please DM me on Instagram, or Facebook or just leave a comment. Love you all! 

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Dolce far niente

Hello!!!!!

I know it’s been two weeks since my last post and I promised I would share some tools to get out of feeling burnt out, but life happened. Actually, I started to write about the price tags last week and I am almost done so that you can read it soon, but first I wanted to talk about doing something really important from time to time for our perfect healing. It is “Dolce Far Niente”. 

I know you are confused and you think I am actually crazier than ever (except if you are one of my Italian friends or readers because I am sure you guys are laughing so hard). That’s okay. I started to learn Italian. Actually, I am very good at the cookies’ names now, which is so hard because I have to try a lot to know about their meanings, but everything for learning.😅 As you all know I love Italy and everything that is Italian, but this came from totally elsewhere. And I confused you more.😅Sorry, this is when ADHD hits during writing. Let me clear the air. 

Last Sunday I woke up after a really nice and relaxing sleep and I felt I want to do nothing. Not because I was sad or depressed, no. I actually just wanted to have one PJ day. I haven’t had it since a long time ago and I just felt I want to stay in my bed, watch movies, and not even bother to dress up. Then I felt the guilt. I am sure you all know the feeling. You want to do nothing, but you have miles-long to-do lists. Clean the house, cooks something for dinner, walk the dog, take care of your kids, maybe do some laundry, etc. I know just as my list goes on and on and on and always came new things, as yours too. I was hesitating. I should come out of bed and do my million tasks, because on Monday I will have to go to the office again (okay, I am lying now, because my Monday was off last week, but that’s another different story) and when I arrive home, I feel so tired and the lists of the excuses are the only longer list than my to-do list. So I felt guilty and lazy. I have projects in my life and if I stay one day in my bed, I waste so much time actually doing something to feel better and achieve my goals.  (We talked previously about what is the difference between being lazy or you give yourself the necessary time to heal, but we will later on for sure.) I started to panic as well, so total chaos and it was five minutes after I had my coffee. And then the miracle happened. I realized the most important tool I have to share with you first is “Dolce Far Niente”. (Also I have to use it in my life.)

I love Eta, Pray, Love movie, not just because they happened to be in the most beautiful places in the World or because Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses…no. I love this movie (and the book too) because it teaches you basic lifehacks. Unfortunately, not all of us can hit the pause button and just quit our life for a year to travel around the world and find ourselves, but if you watch the movie, you can discover so many lessons. 

And one of the most important is “the sweetness of doing nothing”. That’s what dolce far niente means. Of course, Italians are the masters of it, but we can learn as well. And if we wish to be healthy we should. I don’t say that you leave your kids behind and go for a weekend alone to rest. Not everyone can afford it or do it, but I say that you should have at least 1-2 hours each week when you don’t do anything and do not feel guilty. If you can have a day even better. To have time with yourself is just as much important then to get the tools and doing the actual work. You have one life, do whatever you like to do, what makes you feel happy. Of course, until you not hurting other people around you. I don’t say you should quit your life, we all have responsibilities but start to think about what you really want, what you enjoy.

You know what? This is today’s tool kit, called brainstorm. Take a piece of paper and write down everything you like in your life. Every single thing that makes you happy. List what makes you excited. Everything. We have five main aspects of our life: Social, financial, mental, physical, and emotional. This is the exercise. So simple. Just write down each category and write next to them what makes you happy. Once it is done, you will feel better and you know where to start your healing process. Circle three things (the most important ones in the category) and start to focus on how you can make them more.

This is how you will enjoy your life, this is how you will enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing. Because you need it. Everyone needs it. So guess what I have done last Sunday? Yes, you are right, nothing and I enjoyed all the minutes of it.😊

We don’t always need to overcomplicate our lives, just listen to your soul/instincts/gut, and it will tell you what you need. And if it says that you need to do nothing…well, who you are to question the big Universe/God/Mother Earth/ All Living? Put your hands on it and enjoy your gelato. 

Oh, and don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Any questions, or concerns, please DM me on Instagram, or Facebook or just leave a comment. Love you all!

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What is your “why”?

Hello

As I mentioned in my previous posts I burnt out and I am working on getting back on track. I shared with you my 4 steps to start and also I talked about people pleasing. However, days passed and my motivation started to lower a bit and that’s when I realized that I forget to tell you the power of “why”. It must be a reason behind every plan, every goal, and everything that we do. And that’s what I call “my why”. ( Not just me, many other and much clever people call it this.😅) 

What is the “why”? Why is it so important? How you can find it? 

Let’s start with the what. It is the reason for your actions. It can be absolutely anything from love, kids, money, wealth, fame, and health, to even your own nephew. (Yes, he is my biggest reason nowadays, but let’s talk about this later.) Doesn’t matter what you are doing in your life, it is a reason behind it. From waking up to going to sleep, there is a reason. The most important is when you identify your goals and write them down, you know why you want them. You must have a powerful reason to achieve your goals otherwise when Shit happens (and it will trust me), you just simply give up and you will be in the start again…sooner than later. You must identify what makes you do what you do, so you will be able to create plans to make sure you do the steps to achieve the goals.

Why is it so important? It is important because as my favorite motivational speaker says all the time: “motivation is garbage”. (Mel Robbins) When you identify your goals you feel full of energy and you can concur the World with only one breath. But days come and go and it will be days when you don’t even want to get up from your bed, and definitely don’t want to take steps toward your goals. Motivation will leave you. And that’s when you need to look at your “why”. If this is not strong enough, you will most likely leave your goals and they will only become dreams. Also when you have a why, you can start to set up what you are willing to do to achieve it. Because my friends everything comes with a price tag. The only question is how much you are willing to pay for what you want, and how strong is your why.

How you can find your “why”? Well, we all think it is easy. Obviously, we know why we want to be rich or why it is so important to our health. We all know why we want the perfect shape or why we want to be a CEO. But do we really know? Most of the time we think we do know, or at least that’s what we think until we do a very simple exercise. It calls 7 levels deep. 

This exercise came from another brilliant motivational speaker and life transformer person, I really admire, Dean Graziosi. The book where he introduced this exercise is called Millionaire Success Habits. This is a must-read book for everyone who wants to transform their life. Since this exercise was introduced, many other people use it and you can find it on the internet, just simply type “7 levels deep exercise”. It is free and you can download it from so many places like here. In my opinion, it is a very powerful tool and makes so much clarity on why you want what you want.

As I mentioned previously my nephew is my biggest “why” at the moment. I am working on a huge project in my life this year (I promise once I am there I will let you know) and hopefully the outcome will be spending more time with my family and especially with my nephew. So every time when I struggle or feel down, I know it is worth it, because of my “why”. When I have first done the 7 levels deep questionnaire, I thought I know why I want what I want, but in the end, I found out that my reason is deeper and more complex than I thought. 

During the next couple of weeks and months, I will share with you techniques, exercises, and tools that helped me during the years to be more positive, more balanced, and achieve my goals. I will share with you during these posts how these things helped me to become an office worker from night cleaning in London, to survive tough times, and stay the girl from the village who I always was and will be. 

I really hope these posts will help you too and (Spit)Fire you up.

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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3 Steps to stop being a “people pleaser”

Hello,

One week ago I wrote about how I burnt out and started to “come back” as usual. I shared my 4 steps to begin the journey, however, if you do not find the root cause of your burnout, it will return. It can be millions of reasons why, but that’s something, you will have to find out for yourself (remember: sit down and just ask questions, and your brain will answer). What I wanted to talk about today is one of the most common reasons, what I saw in my inner circle…and that’s my friends: people pleasing. 

What is “people pleasing”? Well, did you ever experience someone asking you something, someone who is important in your life (can be a family member, your boss, a friend, doesn’t matter) and you really didn’t want to do that thing, but you did it anyway? That’s “people pleasing”. You know when you feel you need rest, but your mother calls you to go to the family dinner on Sunday, while your plan was just to be in your bed and watch Netflix. Or, when you do not want to dress up to go to the shop, but you do it anyway, because of what the people will say in the village. Or, you do not have time and capacity to do another task, but when someone asks you, you do it anyway, because you want them to like you. When you push yourself and your needs in front of another (not because you want to, only because you feel you have to), that is “people pleasing”. Or trying to be perfect.

(Let’s make something clear.  We don’t talk about the situations when your parents or partner ask you to take out the rubbish or clean your room/house or the cooking is your turn… that’s laziness and you know it, so I just want to make sure that this post will not be an excuse next time when they will ask you.😅)

Why do we do that? Why do we want to be perfect for everyone around us?  First thing first, we all do that from time to time, (someone more often than others), so don’t be hard on yourself. Based on my experience, based on my and other people’s research (listen to Mel Robbins’s podcast about it, or read her book, just to mention one person who is an expert on this subject) we all do it because of our fears. 

From what do we fear? They will not accept us, they will judge, their opinion, how they will see us, etc. We can call it how we want, but guess what? We all basically want to be loved. So we do everything to make sure that people will love/like us. We try to be perfect, we pretend that we are who we are not, just to make sure that we make others happy, so we can get their love. You are afraid to say NO because you will feel guilty that you put yourself in front of others. Because in our society there are 2 types of people: either selfish or people pleaser. No middle way. You want to make sure that everyone gets what they want around you, so they are happy and they love you. Let me tell you something. This is absolutely my experience. BULLSHIT! If someone loves you, will love you even if you say no sometimes. These people will love you no matter what and the funny part is that they want you to be happy just as much as you do want them to be happy. So if you do what they ask but in the meantime, you are exhausted, anxious, and depressed, they will not be happy, because they cannot see the happiness in your eyes. 

I read this, heard this, and watched this so many times and in so many places, but for me, this was one of the most important lessons I have learned in my life: If you are not happy, you are not able to make others happy. First, you have to be happy, so you have happiness in your heart and you can give it to others. You cannot give something that you don’t have. Do you want your kids, family, your partner, your friends, your boss, your colleagues, and your neighbors to be happy? Be happy first and they will be happy because you are happy and if you are happy you are able to give love. It will not work in the opposite way. Your “love tank” needs to be full first.

Okay, I know now so many of you say “yes, but in this case, we will be selfish”. Yes, you have to be a bit. But my opinion of taking care of ourselves until we do not hurt others is just self-care. You have to take care of yourself and love yourself to be able to live and give it to others, so if you don’t make any damage to others, is it really selfishness or is it self-care? You see, huge difference.

Okay, so how do we stop to be a “people pleaser”, but not become selfish? I have my 3 “exercises” I usually do (but as you see, I burnt out too, so sometimes I forget to use these things, and that’s okay. We are human and we are not and don’t have to be perfect- we can’t).

  1. Questions. Ask yourself questions. “Do I really want this? Is it really good for me? Am I lazy or it is legit why I don’t want XYZ? What can I do today to make me happier? What is important to me? Do I hurt anyone, if I don’t XYZ?”- You will feel it. Your brain will start to search for the answers and you will feel and know the right answers for you.
  2. Say NO! You can, you should and you are allowed to say NO. I know this is hard sometimes and you feel the guilt, but you must. I don’t say to start an argument and shout. No! Just tell to the person how you feel. In the beginning, when you start to create your boundaries, people will test you. Life will test you. Sometimes you would say yes, just to avoid the conflict and let yourself be, but if you do it, you will feel tired again and you can start everything from the beginning. You will learn to love yourself if you can hold your boundaries. (FYI: The people who love you, will understand and continue to love you. But it will be hard because some of the people who do not love you enough will be left from your life.)
  3. Do something that makes you happy every day. Don’t care about what others would say, or how stupid it sounds, just do it. Something, anything. Doesn’t matter just makes you smile. Be silly, be crazy, and be yourself. (I know it is hard because people want you to be yourself, but “please not that much”. It will be a different post for sure.)

At the end of the day, the most important person in your life should be you, because when you are in your bed, you are alone with yourself (even if someone sleeping next to you). If you are not happy, do you really FEEL happiness about the fact that you made everyone else happy? Be honest with yourself.

Well, I hope it helps guys. I am with you and we stepping together to get back our (Spit)fire. 😘

Don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: (This post is based on my experiences and what I see around me, but please know I don’t think it is the TRUTH, every one of us is different. May what makes sense to me, it will not make any sense to you.)

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4 Easy steps to come back

Hello, hello

I know, I haven’t posted for a while. I am sorry, but I had to have a break from everything and everyone. I spent the holidays with my family and it was absolutely lovely. But since I came back to London, my life became so crazy. No lights, dark days, and lots of work. I realized that I burned out.

In the past months, I have just done my work, came home, eaten, and slept. I have done nothing. I was so tired, sleepy, and grumpy. I turned on the survivor mode. My energy level went down. So I had to turn it off. I know everyone is surprised and trust me, I was too.

I am a hurricane. I was and still am, a very energetic, organized, enthusiastic, positive, and absolutely hyperactive woman. So it hit me so hard that I don’t have energy, I didn’t want to do anything, just sleep. I thought something is wrong with me and I had no idea how can I come back again and be myself. I know it sounds weird, but I love to be a hurricane, with millions of plans, and tasks, and never sit down and be calm. It took me so long to accept that I am like this and that this is normal because this is me. Also, it was so hard to accept that from time to time we all burnt out. This is normal too. 

Well, you know me now, so you know that I am not a patient person. I get what I want because I will never rest until I get it. So the past months were suffering because I knew I want to be myself again, but I did not have the energy. Guess what? It is normal too.

I thought it is important to tell you that sometimes we all need to have rest. Slow down and just be. It is normal that we are not positive all the time. It is normal to be grumpy, negative, and tired. We need to give time to ourselves. Need time to feel these things too, because that’s the only way to rise again, to get back our energy level and go again. You are not less positive, you are a human. 

I am sure I told you this, but to be positive doesn’t mean that we always smile, happy and three meters above the clouds. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have bad days, we cannot be tired and have enough of the whole world. It doesn’t mean that sometimes we don’t give a shit and just f@ck for the fairytales. Life is a journey, with ups and downs. If we do not have the downs, we cannot appreciate the ups. Simply because we don’t know the difference. To experience and fully live the good, we have to get the inconveniences too. 

What made me realize this, how I stand up again, and why now? Funny. I think this week was the worst. On Wednesday, I went to the office and I felt so sleepy. Literally, I could sleep while I was standing. And it hit me on my face… my friend told me that something is really wrong with me because I am not complaining. F@CK! There it was. Just hit me. I have done nothing since I came back from my holiday, just complaining and feeling sorry for myself. 

How did I get back to my normal? I didn’t…at least not yet. Life is not like this. One day you’re down then the other day, you kick your ass and you’re back in the clouds. That’s bullshit. I am not a hypocrite, I thought that it should work like this. I had to realize that it is a process. It took me months to be this down emotionally, so it will take me some time to get back on track. 

BUT, this is a positive blog, so I will share with you how I started. (This is not the first time in my life when I am totally down, so I have my method for this situation.)

  1. Accept. This is the first and the hardest step, but the most important as well. You have to swallow all your pride (trust me, I am one of the most stubborn people ever, so I know how hard it is) and accept that something is wrong and that’s okay.
  2. Sit down. Take time to sit down and find out what is wrong. If you want to solve a problem, first you have to identify the actual problem. It can be more than one. Just find out. Identify the problem(s). 
  3. Plan. Don’t need to be a big plan and please give Life (God/Universe/ Mother Earth, etc.) a chance to give better. But have a plan. That will be a guide. Needs to be written. You should have a “deadline”(realistic and it can be flexible) too. Break it down for days, weeks, years, etc. (What is not written is not real. If you write down your dreams, breaking them down, they will be goals and most likely you can achieve them.)
  4. Do the first step. As I said you cannot back to 100% from -100% in one day, so just find out what you can do NOW. It is important that you have to do something immediately. (Simple psychology. Lots of studies prove that immediate action is a brain hack that helps you feel small success as you have done something to be better, but does not overwhelm and scare you, so you most likely continue.) Work for it every day.

Step by step. Just be patient with yourself. And don’t forget, it is okay. So kick your ass, get the spark from your (Spit)fire, and just do it! 😘

Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.s.: Quotes will be back in March. 😎 Don’t forget to follow the Spitfires on Facebook, Instagram, or here. 

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Happy New Year Spitfires! 🥂🎉🥳😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Expectations

Hello everyone,

I hope you are relaxing and starting to be excited about Christmas (ps.: I still love all Griches too, no discriminations here).

I have a lot going on in my life nowadays and I just started to wonder why I do all my relaxing stuff and still, sometimes I feel down and a bit sad. (Nothing wrong with it, because no one is always happy and all over the moon, but still I didn’t understand what is happening.) This time of the year is my favorite. The preparation for Christmas, the lights, the smells, the decorations, the waiting time, the activities and London looks like a big Wonder Land. So I started to feel weird, why I was not happy and excited as usual… and then it hit me on my face. Expectations.

I had a look around me and inside me and then I realized we all expect something from everyone and everything. All our life is about expectations. 

The saying is true: nothing is for free. Even for love, we expect to return some love and if we do not get it we seek it and beg for it (that’s another story). We expect our parents to love us, and our friends to check on us sometimes. We want our colleagues and bosses to appreciate our work, also we wish the cashier will be nice in the shop, and the product we bought will be perfect for the price we paid for it. We have expectations from women and men as a society. We expect leaders to look and behave in a certain way. We want our favorite movie star to be always perfect and act kind. We wait for our partner to remember our birthdays, anniversaries, and all occasions.  And the list just goes on and on. We are fighting and argue with each other because we wish people around us to be how we imagine them they should be. The worst is about expectations that we think we should get some reward for the effort we make to be someone who we think we should be to get the reward.

Don’t get me wrong, I am one of the luckiest people ever, because I have got lots of love and appreciation in my life, but still I am not an exception. 

So I started to list what I am expecting and most importantly from who. Yes, there are lots of people I interact with on a daily basis, so I had to let go of what and how I wish them to deal with me. People are different and that makes life wonderful. What made me surprise the most that I have so strong imagination for how people should act who are my closest ones. If someone knows me, know that I do not trust that many people, but if I do, I would do everything (literally everything) for, and to them. So that’s why surprised me when I felt a certain way for the people I love. I had to accept that even my loved ones are not perfect and they have every right to live their life as it is the best for them. Even my parents, my friends, and my family. Everyone has the right to choose what is best for them.

The other hit on my face was an even bigger slap. I am not just expecting people, products, and situations to be in a certain way… I have the biggest expectations about myself. Even when I feel down, my first thought was that why I do not feel a certain way, my feelings shouldn’t be like this. Should or shouldn’t. I never liked these two words because I felt the pressure that people want me to be someone who I am not, and I am not enough good. And yet, after 33 years I realized that actually, I am the one who built up those expectations. No one wants me to be perfect, on top all the time, happy, or million other things. 

What I realized is that because of our expectations and the way we see our life “should be” make us unhappy and do not realize the good things around us. Do not need to be big things…or actually, everything is a big thing that makes us happy, grateful, lucky, loved, etc. I don’t say that we cannot do our best, we must try to do it, but be aware of our limitations. It is totally fine not to be happy or feel a bit sad about things. 

Perfect doesn’t exist guys. Perfect for me exist, but perfect me?! Never. We all are human and like this, we are imperfectly perfect. All of us. Just the way we are. I believe that we are always at the right time, in the right place with the right people. May we not agree and cannot see it yet, but at the moment it is the best and it is how it “should be”. Don’t get me wrong, I still learning to let go of my expectations and just simply be happy with what I have gotten every day from life, from the people around me.

One last thought before I leave you to just relax, as it is still November (yes, even if it is the last evening of it). Letting go of your expectations does not mean you have to let go of your wishes. Just simply communicate with the people around you. Nothing wrong with it if you tell people what you want or how you want them to deal with you. No one is a mind reader, so you must tell people what is good for you (of course in a nice way), what makes you feel appreciated, loved, and not taken for granted.

I heard a very true saying from one of my kindest friends: “Be the most selfish person ever and do not let go a little from it, but make sure you do not hurt anyone around you! This calls balance!”

I wish you a really nice evening and time to prepare for the holidays. I am back soon with some Christmas traditions cheer up!!!! 😃

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: For the daily quotes, please find the Spitfires on Facebook and or Instagram. 

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The Queen

The Queen 👑

This is a bit unusual post from me and sorry if someone doesn’t really care about it, but I wish to tell what I see and how I think about the current situation.
As you know, I live in London and I’m sure everyone knows that The Queen is dead. Why do I want to talk about this? How is it affecting me? What does it look like to live in London these days? What do foreign people think about this?
Well, I never was a “huge fan” of the Royal Family, but I never had a problem with them either. They are a huge part of the community, the history and the everyday life of the UK. The whole country built up to this monarchy. Some people are proud of them, some hate them, but one thing is sure, everyone has feelings about the Royals. I heard people say that they just take their money and do nothing…well true and false. The people are paying with their lives, but they are a part of this country’s history. My opinion, if we do not give this money to them, this money will go to someone else’s pocket…at least like this we sponsor history.
And the Queen’s death is history. I’m 33 years old and I have never lived in a World where England doesn’t have a Queen and that Queen wasn’t Elizabeth II. So when I heard the news, I felt sad and shocked. I liked and some ways I adored that woman. She was funny, kind and had an amazing humor. She was a bit like everyone’s grandmother. But she was so powerful, elegant and everyone respected her for her service and her huge heart. I’m sad. Even though I have never met her, she is on our money, buildings, transport, she is in everyone’s life in the UK. An era has ended on Thursday, 8th September 2022.
She has been reigning for 70 years. She has done many things during these years, you can read them everywhere. Her elegance and still being a human made me respect her, not those amazing things. Yes, sure she made mistakes as everyone else. Even if she was The Queen, she was a human being. He Majestic was born in a different world, she had been through so many things and many more changes, but she could stay as a human. She wasn’t just the Queen of the UK. If you ask people around the world, they may not know who their own prime minister is, but everyone knows who Queen Elizabeth II is. Funny story, but I remember when I was a kid (around 5-6), I heard in the news about another royal family. I was shocked and totally confused… I said to my Mom “How is it possible that there is another Queen in the World? I thought The Queen is (sorry, I was a kid) that old lady called Elizabeth?!”. So yes, she wasn’t just the UK’s Queen.
How is London now? Quiet. You can feel the sorrow in the city. People are living their lives, they are in pubs, but those pubs are much quieter than usual. The streets are less busy. You can feel the sadness and the shock everywhere. I have never seen this quiet weekend since I moved here.
As I said, an era ended on Thursday. I hope she will rest in peace.

Thank you for listening guys.

XOXO,

Krisz ♥️