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Summary of a Summer,

aka Painkillers and Distractions

Hello guys,

I hope you’re well and had an amazing Summer. I had one of a kind. And that’s exactly the subject for this time.🥰

Usually, Summer is my “battery charger”. My friends and loved ones often tell me that I’m working with solar energy. So, if the sun is shining, I’m happy and conquer the World at least 2 times per hour, but if not, it’s like someone unplugged me. That’s true most of the time, and that’s why I didn’t realise the fall. The worst part is that this period started last Spring, but I was so busy to realise that I’ve started to “use painkillers” and “distractions”, just to make sure I don’t have to deal with the “serious things”. What does it mean? I’ll explain.

Usually, I don’t like to talk about these kinds of things. Who likes to talk about their failures and falls? Yepp, no one. Especially if you’re in the care industry. But I think that’s why it’s important to tell you about my journey. 

So, if you know me, you know that I’m always busy, full of energy, very positive, cheerful, but a tough, strong and badass woman. Which is true, but what only a few of you know is that I’m so emotional and hopeless romantic. I’m a born empath, and that can be a blessing and a curse, too. I’m loyal till the end, I love with all my heart, I can be excited about anything, and that’s why I have high hopes and expectations. I thought I had learnt to get the balance, but the Universe proved that I’m so far from it. 

I’m always so high in the clouds or so low down in Hell. No middle ground. Last summer, I felt I was in balance. I felt zen and happy. That was the illusion. A lovely and so high period. I loved every minute of it and I haven’t regretted anything. So I had the same expectations for this summer, too. But Life happened. I wanted to do what I did last summer, but life hit me hard, so I had to see what I was actually doing.

I kept myself busy, but not because I had that many things to do, but because I didn’t want to face the fact that I started to please everyone around me again, just to keep the (now I know, it was only an illusion) peace. I tried to be perfect in every aspect of my life. Perfect look, style, student, employee, friend, daughter, aunt, sister, etc. You name it and I’ve done it. I’ve tried so hard to be everywhere, to “make” everyone happy. And that’s where I started to use “pankillers” and “distractions”. 

What were those? Fun! I went to parties, I met friends, I was even a fangirl on a bench for a whole summer, just to feel alive, everything but facing the fact that I started to feel tired. It was much easier to listen to other people’s problems and help them than help myself. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just felt okay and good. When I had some bad days, instead of sitting down and checking what the lesson is, what I am doing, I used one of my lovely distractions. I called a friend, went to the beach or sat and listened to my favourite songs from one of the kindest singers I know. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others, I never regret a minute of last summer, and I had a really fun time, but that lifestyle wasn’t sustainable, nor aligned with my plans.  

Last Fall, things started to fall apart, but as you know, I had my exams, so I just thought that everything was about the stress regarding the study. I believed, once I finished, I would have what I wanted, because I worked so hard for it, and everything would be calm again, just like in summer, and I could focus again on the things that “made” me happy. But nothing went according to plan, and I hit rock bottom. I was so high on positive energy, so I hit the ground so hard. But hey, I’m fine! I think that should be on my gravestone: “I’m fine!”😅 “I’m fine, and this is just a bump on the road!” “I’ve got this!”- Yep, all the cliches. And all the toxic positivity.

People think that these are enough to open someone’s eyes. Well, it’s a good thing that I’m so stubborn, like a dog with a bone, so I didn’t let go, no sit down, self-reflect…noooo…that’s not me. 😅 I shook myself, fixed my crown and continued the same journey. I didn’t realise what I was doing even during Christmas time. I love that time of the year, and I was just tired. I was exhausted from shopping, being on the go, running all the time, and juggling everything. Lessons with my students, working on the website, planning for next year, being who everyone wants you to be, but in the end, no one was happy with me or the things I‘ve done. I wanted nothing, just to sit on that bench and be summer again. 

The New Year started lovely, with another “painkiller”, but it felt good, so I gathered energy to go on, and I put all my energy into the life coaching. I was high, on the top again. I’ve met amazing and inspiring people who have helped me a lot. By summer arrived, I was so happy and proud. My students gave me so much love, and I’m so proud of all of them. But students finished, the summer hit, and everyone went on holiday. So I couldn’t be as busy as I wanted to be. 

I honestly thought about the distractions, but after May, I realised that it would be lovely, but if I continue like this, I cannot pull my head out of the sand. 

So this summer, I’ve done what I least wanted to do: I faced my fears and flaws. I’ve been sitting instead of a bench and listening to someone else (whom I wanted to listen to so badly), I was sitting in my bed or on the beach and listening to myself. It was so hard… I’m not very kind to myself, but better with others. 😅 I hit rock bottom during the process and found out things that I’ve buried so deep down, I didn’t remember that I’ve ever felt them. I re-created my boundaries because some of them were so outdated. Even I realised that time to time boundaries need to be bent or rethought. I had to accept a million things about myself and others who are so close to me. Also, I had to let go of people who were part of my life forever, but did not fit in anymore. I was disappointed more times than I can count. I felt like going back and distracting myself would be easy, but I had to “come off the painkillers” to be who I am, to move on and be calm, balanced and be happy without anyone’s approval or validations from outside of me. Now I am in a place where I am not just saying that I am fine, I honestly feel it. I still have work to do, but I am happy, without any distractions. 

It sucks!!! Trust me, it was harder than anything, but now I know my value. I know who I am and I know my worth. I don’t want to settle for less anymore, just to feel alive. If someone wants me in their life, they have to treat me as a priority and not an option. Anyone…friends, family, love, anyone. I understand the people around me, I understand where they come from, which wounds they have and why they do things the way they do. I do understand all of these things. But if I make an effort to understand them, I want them to make the same effort for me. Or the bare minimum, is that leave me alone. What you give, you get back. 

The point is that life without expectations is nice, but no one can do that. Even if you don’t expect anything from others, you expect them not to expect anything from you. And that’s a catch-22. 😉 

I think what I wanted to tell you in the end is that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to rebuild from the ground up, it’s fine to make mistakes, but check your painkillers and distractions, so you can change your life for good. As soon as you start looking for these things and start to do the work, as soon as your life will change too, and you can be the one you want to, or meant to be. Fun is a good thing and has as much as you need, just make sure that this fun is not toxic, not because you want to hide something, not just a distraction, but pure joy. I can have fun now without using it as a cover for deep wounds. 

Enjoy the last days of summer, have fun and be yourself, no matter what. Spitfire up, and if you can’t, just sit on a bench and look inside. It’s worth it! And you are never alone. I am here for you, and I am so proud of you! If you need help, just drop a message and we will figure it out together!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

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Mindfulness

Hello guys,

I hope everything is going well with you. I do apologise because of the “blog-break”, but as you saw on the website, I’m a bit busy nowadays and I love that. ❤ I try to do many nice things, such as offering a free 5-question workbook. The next one is coming soon, which will help you on your self-discovery journey. 

But I’m here now to talk about an important topic, which is our health. I know this one is all over the place, and everyone is living a healthy lifestyle, and mental health is a huge topic nowadays, so the question is relevant: “What new can you tell me?” I’m not sure I can, but I believe the importance of repeating things that are valuable and can be beneficial for others. 

Since the WHO describes it very well, we all know that health is not just not being sick, but it’s feeling good in our body, mind and soul. We all know the components of a healthy life, such as a good night’s sleep, reducing stress, a balanced diet, and the list goes on. I promise I have no intention to speak about food or sleep. Also, I’ll avoid the “no drugs, alcohol or smoke” part. 

What I want to talk about is what I do every day as a life coach, which I see firsthand. This blog is positive, so today’s topic is mental health. And mindfulness. I truly believe that if someone follows a healthy diet, exercises every day, has at least 8 hours of sleep and doesn’t have any bad habits, they still can have serious health issues because of stress. Since the internet and social media are part of our everyday life, the World has accelerated, and the stress factors have increased significantly. Although companies are investing substantial amounts of money in various work-life balance activities, the burnout rates are on the rise. Why? Well, I used to work in the corporate area, and until the multimillion-dollar companies deal with their employees as robots and not humans, a weekly massage or yoga will never help. Think about it. Your company offers fresh fruits for breakfast. You took it, then you went for a company-paid 30-minute massage. When you finish with that, you sit down next to your computer, and you have 30 unread messages regarding what is wrong in the company, and everyone wants you to fix it. How would you feel? Or when you have to take your laptop with you during your holiday, just to make sure that you are reachable, and if you are, trust me, they will reach out. If they don’t, after a week of holiday, your inbox will be full, and I guarantee that when you finish with all those emails, you will feel even more tired than you left for those holidays not to mention the maternity period, especially in the UK, where, as a mother, you have to return to work after 6-8 months. However, the daycares for the kids are free after the age of 2, and the grandparents don’t live nearby or even in the same country. As a private English teacher, I work with kids and see overwhelmed and burnt-out kids every day. Be calm, be happy, be a kid, but they are in the schools until 3 pm, and after that starts the sports practices, the dance lessons, the private lessons (Maths, English, German, Biology, name it and they do it), plus the homework and we surprised when the kids are burnt-out at age 12. Not to mention the graduation periods…Jeez… they’re only 18 years old and they have so much pressure on their shoulders.

Work-life balance is just an illusion in the world. Unless you create one for yourself. I’ve been there, done that. Trust me, hard and sucks, but it’s possible. How do we start to do that?

  1. Time management is essential. The problem is that in our early years in school, we learn that everything has the same importance, which isn’t true. I don’t care if you are a student or an employee, you have to manage your time. And to do that, you must know your timeline. It means that I need 1 hour in the morning to get ready. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I cannot be 100% during the day without my 1-hour morning prep. How long do you need? Don’t try to put 2 hours’ work in a one-hour timeframe and then be stressed out because you are not done yet.
  1. Prioritise. Multitasking is a very nice and fancy world in our lives, and that’s why we are stressed. That’s what’s expected from us. But the human brain was never wired to do a million things at once, and especially not perfectly. This is the biggest BS in the modern world. Not all the subjects are equally important at school. Come on, don’t tell me that art classes have the same importance in your college application as Maths or the languages? Unless, of course, you want to be an artist, but then Maths doesn’t matter that much. Same in your workplace. Trust me, not all 100 emails have the same priority. John’s “thank you email” will not bring 1 million for the company, but if you don’t answer the biggest client’s email, it can cost that much. So forget the multitasking and prioritise regarding the importance of the company, your life, your mood on that day, your lifestyle or the period you are in it. I used to work in a bar, and my mentor told me that, and since then, I live my life like this: “Step by step, and day by day.”
  1. Delegate. I know it’s hard to say, especially if someone is a perfectionist (like me), but you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask your friends for the exam items, so you don’t have to do them. Or ask your colleagues to help you. Women!!! You don’t have to do all the housework alone. Because your spouses, partner lives in the same house, they can help as well. I don’t say that from now on our other half should do everything, but we cannot die if we ask them from time to time for some help. We will not be less super women, just more clever. Share the housework. Discuss who likes to do what and share. I have bad news: no one is a mindreader, so if you don’t ask, you will never get the help. Just ask. Remember Smarter than harder.

Once we have a bit more time, please use it to get some rest. We will not miss anything if sometimes we do what feels good for us and say no to an event, or we just delay our so-called important obligations. Have some fun. Sometimes, I sit down and brainstorm all the things that I loved to do when I was a kid, and I do at least one item from the list. Fun, joy and happiness make us feel alive. Play like the kids. 

Create boundaries and try to focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone around you. I know, I said this a million times, but still true: At the end of the day, you will be alone in your bed with your emotions. No one can feel your feelings, not even your partners, friends, family…only you. 

Summertime has so much magic regarding our mental health. Go for a walk in nature, go for a holiday, spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, take a night swim in the lake, go for a horse ride, have a picnic, take a day off and get lost in the woods, just go outside and enjoy the wonder around you. 

So SpitFire Up, and please take care of yourself. Summer is the best time of the year to create new and joyful habits.😘 And if you need more support, book a free 30-minute consultation, and we will see how to continue. ❤

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

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Inner Teenager

Hello Guys,

Finally, it’s almost Summer!🥰 The flowers are blossoming, the weather is warm, and nature is colourful. What else do we need? Well, so many things, but I am waking up from my “Winter sleep”. I feel the energy!!! 😅 Every Summer feels like the Summers in my teenage years. (Not the prehistoric times, just the wild ‘90s and ‘00s. 😅)

In the past 1,5 years since I moved back to Hungary, almost every single week, I have had at least one realisation regarding me, my actions, reactions, emotions, habits, etc. A few months ago, I went through my pictures. During the process, when I had just found my favourite teenage picture of myself, someone messaged me… and I didn’t like the message.🤷‍♀️ I immediately became very offensive, upset, and insecure at the same time, like the girl in the image. I looked at the picture and realised that the Universe wanted to message me. The message was loud and clear: You acted from your “inner teenager”. Nothing wrong with that if you can catch yourself when you go “back” to that state of your life. The problem starts when you have no idea what inner teenager means or if this state can exist in you. And most of us don’t have. 

Why? Simple. Usually, when we work on ourselves, we focus on the inner child and its wounds or the adult problem-solving and/or trauma healing process. But what about the teenage traumas? I tried to find some literature for this post, but not many authors, psychologists, or scientists discuss the fact that we all had teenage years with all their traumas. We know how adults and our environment’s behaviour shapes us as kids, but what about the years when we are confused and lost? Of course, so many of our traumas are from our childhood, and we are busy focusing on them, but what about the trauma that losing our first love can cause? The trauma that everyone wants us to decide what we want to do for the rest of our life, when we should choose a University right after graduation? What about the traumas that your identity searching can cause, or the pain that is caused by rejection of your age group? No one is talking about these kinds of traumas. 

It’s basic psychology that when the kids turn 11-12 years old, the person of reference is no longer the adults around them. Teenagers no longer care about their parents’ opinions or want to impress their teachers. They don’t want to hang out with their grandparents. The only thing that matters is their age group’s opinion. They start to care about what their friends say, do or how they behave, because they want to be part of the group. That’s why the environment around them during these years is so important. Also, that’s the time when they are not kids anymore, but still not adults. They try to find their identity and figure out who they want to be. An average kid at the age of 18 must graduate from high school and apply to a university. The kids have to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. This causes so much pressure, confusion, and these are the age when they start to develop anxiety. If the parents have an imagination of what the kid should become and push it too hard, even worse. I have so many friends who graduated from university with a diploma that they never used, just because that was the expectation from their parents. Lawyers who never practised, financial experts who never worked one day in the financial sector. Only because the parents had their imagination regarding their kids’ future. But they just wanted the best for their children, so I don’t want anyone to blame their parents. They all had good attention. 

I’m sure we all remember our first loves. The butterflies in our belly, the pink clouds and the excitement before a date or even when we see the loved one. All the first dates, first kisses, first handholdings, and don’t be unrealistic, our first sexual experiences. So we felt all these beautiful, happy feelings…but when it ends (and most of the time it ends)… it is the first big disappointment. We cry, we have no idea how to get through to this loss, and everyone around us is just keep telling us that all will be okay, and this was only our first love, and better is coming. Sure…but we don’t know when, and we start to screen ourselves, what is wrong with us. We want to find what we have done wrong. Which is nothing, this is just life, but most of the parents instead teaching the teenagers how to morn a relationship and help them go through the stages, they just smiling and wants them to move on as soon as possible and focus on their studies and career instead of crying about a boy or girl. (Again, it isn’t the parents’ fault or they aren’t evil, they want the best, but no one told them these things either. These are the patterns that they’ve learnt from their parents.)

What about the social media’s effect on teenagers? Competition and bullying. Teenagers are comparing themselves to the influencers, and as they are still not adults, just big kids, they bully each other, but this bullying is online, so the whole world can see someone’s humiliation. Not to mention the fashion trends, and because of the importance of the brands, how much money do they have in their wallets, and the family’s financial situation?

So no one ever speaks about this kind of trauma. People don’t think that this is trauma. They don’t think about how important these experiences are. Unconsciously, we belittle the teenagers’ feelings and thoughts. Yes, these ages are the “drama ages” where they are angrier, their hormones are up and down all the time, and they overexpress themselves, but their feelings are just as valid as any other people’s. 

I think we should, and we could help them to get through these phases easily and quickly with compassion, therapy or with life coaching techniques. There are some easy exercises to help them choose their career path or give them reasons to care. We shouldn’t just let them figure it out alone or decide for them, we just need to listen to them and hold their hands, instead of judging every step they take.

What does it mean to act from your inner teenager? Like every human being, we are all different, and we experience our teenage years quite differently. I would say that when you act like a rebellious 18-year-old, without slamming the doors (or sometimes with the door thing too). I remember when I was a teenager, I was so needy, spoiled by my friends, my ego was bigger than Mount Everest, I was very arrogant, and I sought attention from all the boys around me. I wanted to be a Queen, but to be honest, I acted like a bad Disney princess. So when my inner teenager is out (called X-Tina- I know…so pathetic, but that’s how everyone called me back in the days, because I wanted them to call me like that🤦‍♀️), I realise it immediately because I become needy, hysterical, seeking attention and if I not get it…well, proper B@tch is on duty. (With a capital B!) But all of these reactions are coming from insecurity, loneliness, lack of confidence, envy, and not feeling valued enough. I have been working a lot lately on my teenage traumas; however, some have not yet been solved or properly dealt with. But that’s okay. We’re human, and self-development is a lifelong journey. 

So, how to deal with an uncontrolled teenager? Easy, as you deal with a normal one.

  1. Accept the fact that you’re in your teenage mood. It can be so hard, because we think that after a certain age, we automatically become not just physically, but mentally, adults too. 
  2. Gather so much patience. You’ll need it. 
  3. Identify the problem. “Which button was pushed?” What do you feel? Why do you feel what you feel? 
  4. Try to convince (good luck) yourself that you’re a grown-up now and all those fears are outdated, and let go of them. It can be a very long procedure, and maybe some of them are even deeper than you think, but be patient and take your time. Take as long as it needs.
  5. Go out and celebrate… even like when you were a teenager. 😉

I believe we all have our inner child, inner-teenager, and our adult self inside of us. My opinion is that these three shouldn’t fight against each other, because we need all three to be in our everyday life. We should let them team up and work together to conquer the world. 

So pull out your wild-legged jeans, with a crop top, put Spice Girls on speaker and SpitFire up your inner teen!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

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Change your perspective

Hello Guys,

I hope you are having fun and starting to feel the Christmas spirit. Okay, I know, maybe some of you are not that much of a fan of the holidays. (Doesn’t matter I still love you all Grinches.😝) Advent season is my favourite, but staying alone under the mistletoe does not make me happy either…until now. Not because I finally kissed the right frog and became a prince…no. 😅 But something happened and changed my perspective. And that’s what I want to talk about—changing perspective.

Usually, I go to sleep quite early, but a couple of days ago I couldn’t fall asleep. So I started to dumb scroll my social media and found a video that made me think and changed my view of everything, especially my relationship status. I know, it’s a shame on me that I did not save the video or even remember the guy’s profile, but he said that every time he feels blue because he is single, he starts to imagine that what if next year this time he will be in a relationship and he will have a fight with the love of his life and he just wishes to be single again. So basically he said that he enjoys every minute of his single life because you never know when The One comes and maybe he wants to have back his life alone. Bumm!!! Hit me in the face! I have never thought about my life like this. He has done nothing just shifted the focus. 

So I started to think. I love the holidays, the decorations, the Christmas markets, the lights, smells, foods, songs (especially the songs😅), buying gifts and all the advent vibe. BUT! As a single person when Christmas Eve came and I stood alone in the mistletoe, I felt so lonely and disappointed. Even if I was with my amazing family and friends, I felt that something was wrong with me. Of course, I knew that I was fine and this was just a period of my life. Usually, when this emotion hits I start to tell myself The List (all the things only a single can do) and it helps, but this video hit me so hard. Because I thought I was positive and handled this whole “magical love is all around” thing well, but I just used toxic positivity and covered my emotions with my little list. Plus I haven’t enjoyed the last couple of Christmases as much as I could because I was too focused on the fact that I’m “alone”. I couldn’t appreciate the fact that how much I wasn’t alone. The fact that how lucky I was and I am because I have a wonderful family, both my parents are alive and healthy, and I have the best nephews ever, plus year by year I have more people I can call friends. My head was in my ass and that video finally pulled it out. I talk about gratitude here, but I wasn’t grateful at all. But that’s okay. I’ll not punish myself because I’m only a human…I’m not perfect, but I’m truly grateful that I realised these things before it’s too late. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still wish to have someone in my life who I can call my own but from now on I enjoy the advent even if I am alone because I never know when that prince finally find his white horse and rides to me. It’s good to have someone but as a single woman I do not have to play puzzle with the time and make sure that we visit his family and mine too. Plus you guys know exactly how this works…the day is good for you it’s not good for your brother’s family and the dates that are good for his family are not good for yours, and all the parents want the same date and everything is just like a business schedule. 😅🙄Not to mention the struggle with the gifts and the cooking/baking procedure. Instead, of all these hustles I go to my parent’s house before Christmas and I’ll only move from my favourite armchair when I have to eat… probably I’ll even sleep in it. 🤷‍♀️🤣 I do not have to go outside in the cold and visit anyone else. No expectations.

Everything has a bright side. So many times we don’t see it or don’t want to see it. Not always easy to find the light in the dark, I know, but there is. Always. I don’t talk about the fake positivity. If something is sucks, it’s sucks. We have to feel it but after we give it out we should change our perspectives otherwise life will just go by and in the end, we have no idea how we end up there where we will be. So many times we think we have time, but after all those years I just realised what it means that we only have the present. 

Christmas is just one thing where you can use his method. And this is not just for singles. Think about it. For example, if you really wish to have a kid, but somehow doesn’t happen instead of you becoming depressed and anxious, you can shift your focus. Like my best friend did. (P.S. She is one of the strongest women on Earth!🥰) She used the same technique without knowing she did. Now she enjoys the time with her husband and appreciates every moment. They travel a lot because they never know when the kid comes and obviously after that, they will not be able to go for a long weekend just for the 2 of them. Was it easy for her? Hell No! But it was worth it because she is glowing now. They don’t give up on the kid, but until the little angel arrives they enjoy life as it is.

Another example is if you want to change your job or find one, instead of crying and complaining, just shift your perspective. Send your CVs and cover letters but in the meantime enjoy the fact that you do not have to wake up early or dress up. You can go for a walk whenever you want or stay home and read a book. Try to enjoy these things while you search for a “perfect job” because very soon you have to go to work and maybe you will not be this free for years.

Don’t get me wrong I talked about this here in the blog but in a different view and I thought I used the focus shift and I did but never about my relationship status. 😅 But now this hit me so hard. The most important is that you never give up on what you want but until you get it trust God/Universe/The process (however you want to call it) and focus on the millions of miracles around you. Because doesn’t matter who says what, you are a miracle. Everything and everyone around us is a miracle and if we start to see Life from a different angle it delivers our dreams. But if you keep whinging about the things you do not have, guess what? You will never have them. 

So SpitFire up and look at your life from a different perspective. It’s worth it!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

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“Let them” theory or how to enjoy the Holiday season

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and ready for my favourite holiday of all time… yes, It’s Christmas time Baby!!! 😅

Even though since Winter arrived, we are most likely to close ourselves in the room with a warm blanket, a nice mug of hot chocolate and a movie or book, we still have to interact with people around us especially now during the holiday season. Have you ever felt that you wish you had a magic wand and change the people around you? I am sure we all had this idea once or twice… hourly. But we all know that we cannot do this. (Nope, not in a legal way for sure. 😅)

Since I relocated back to my country, I have had more interaction with people and some of them are not avoidable. But what we can do if we are not from a Harry Potter movie? Well, I found the answer… actually, Mel Robbins found the answer with her “Let Them” theory. I link you here to the entire podcast episode about this, so you can hear from her the whole thing. I mentioned her name and work so many times in this blog and the fact that the woman is brilliant and I adore her. 

I heard about this theory from her a long time ago and my mentor/friend told me this in a different way, but you know how life works? You hear something, you do it, it works, and when things are good and Life flows, you forget about it and not practice it until you need it again. (Typical and absolutely wrong, but we are human, we have to make mistakes a million times to finally get them. Life!🙄)

Essentially, it’s about acknowledging that we can’t control other people and letting go of the expectations we force on those closest to us. You allow things as they are and not as you wish them to be. It is easier to say than done… I know. But it is easy. If you listen to the podcast you can have examples, but I share some of mine, how this little brain hack changed my life and especially my relationships.

So first, how to use it? Simple.

  1. Recognize that you are in a situation where you try to control someone or something. You need to stop first and realize that you are only able to control actions or reactions to the situation.
  2. “Let them”- accept the things/situation/people the way they are.

As I said, it is very easy and simple. How does it work? My favourite example, from my own life, is if your mother wishes to cook the holiday dinner instead of ordering from a restaurant…well, let her. (I love you Mom, you are the best! 😘) Instead of sitting around us and having fun, she does the Christmas dinner… we can just order from a restaurant, which would save time and energy for her, but this is very important for her to do it, so I have to let her be. Will I ever agree on this? Nope! But instead of arguing about this thing, I just let her do what is best for her.

Or the typical toilet seat argument… up or down? Come on?! Doesn’t matter… just let them down… or up. 😉 But we all know when colleagues go to drink after work and they do not invite you. Let them. If it is important to you to spend time with them outside of work, you can organize a drink too. I see that we are so different and we do not agree with many things, but instead of trying to change someone just let them be themselves. You can save so much time and energy by focusing on yourself and the way you like to experience this thing we call Life rather than just being upset that the people around us do not match the expectations we create. 

You can also use the “Let Them” theory to let people grow and fail. I know we wish to save the once we love to fail or have experiences that are not good for them, but if we do not let them, we steal them the opportunity to grow. I am not a parent, but I am lucky enough to have them in my life, also I have friends and family members who are parents and I see they try to save us from everything. It seems they know everything better, they try to control us and it is so hard for them just to let us live our lives and experience uncomfortable things. I get it. My friends say that I am a natural-born “protector”. I try to help everyone around me and protect them from having negative experiences. It took me so long to understand that everyone has to have their lessons. That’s how they learn to protect themselves in the future.

If you feel you are jealous about someone…again, “let them”. You have to let out this feeling from you. If you are jealous, it means you are not accepting the people and the way of Life how it is, so you need to let this. You are trying to control the people around you when you feel like this.

It is important to mention that there are some areas when we cannot “let them”. Here are the exceptions:

  1. Drinking and driving or if someone wants to do any other kind of dangerous thing. We DO NOT LET THEM!!! 
  2. Suicidal behaviour. ( I think this is something that I do not have to explain.)
  3. Discriminate others.

The “ let them” theory is not about that we let people walk over us, we can use it for our own “safety”. Protect our feelings, save energy instead of fighting all the time and help to understand people and ourselves more. It helps us to slow down, observe our reactions, find out our triggers and even have fun.

I do recommend you listen to Mel’s podcast and follow her on every kind of social media because she is brilliant. Also, if you want more info about my mentor, send me a direct message and I’ll give you her contact.

So now go, sparkle and (Spit)Fire up yourselves for the holidays and please “let them” instead of “fight them”! 😘 And if you wish, let me know how it helped you. 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

Happy Holidays Spitfires!!!!🎄😘

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

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Moved On!

Hello Guys,

I promised videos and constant posting, and I haven’t done it… I am sorry, but I was busy living my life. (I also know this is a perfect excuse, but this happened.) And what is “this”? Well, I’ll let you know soon, but now I would like to say thank you to all of you for all the support I have gotten from you during the almost two years since I first started this blog. The Spirit of Spitfire blog will be two years old next month.🥳

So these happened in the past two months since my last post: Chaos, boxes, packaging, playing with space, cleaning, fish and chips, flying, meeting new people, having fun with old ones and lots of “aunty duty”. And these are only a few of them. 

My best advice if you moving across countries is that: play so much Tetris (if you don’t know what it is, google it, my friend,  because you are not old enough to remember,  but it is the best help ever during the packing process.) Why? Because you will need to fill up all the gaps in every box you have. Trust me, I thought, it was easy to fill up boxes and wrap things. Also, I was so naive that I thought I could label boxes, such as “kitchen” and all the kitchen stuff would be in one box and it would be super easy to find everything. If you want to use all the spaces and want to be cost-effective here are my pieces of advice:

  1. Don’t book “move”, book only a few boxes or items each time, as the moving companies charge more if they have to do a “full move” and less if you send only items home(at least this is my experience regarding the move from London to Hungary).
  2. Please take time and find the best company and most of the time the most popular one, not the best.
  3. Use all the spaces in the boxes and write a label which contains everything that is in the box (even your slippers otherwise you will find yourself in my space… I still cannot find it, but I am sure I have it…maybe next to my cutleries?🤔)
  4. Pack your luggage a week before your flight, because I am 100% sure, you will find “a few” things that you want to take home with you, but remember, you have a weight limit. 🙄

After the last boxes left my home, I started to clean everything ( most of the time the landlords ask this and it is a criteria to have back your deposit, however my landlord didn’t ask this, but I cannot leave a dirty house behind me). I had to buy a new backpack and a small cabin bag too (obviously I needed bigger sizes that I already had… I know, I am a proper woman and still I forgot my fridge magnets. 😥) I felt so tired after everything and I thought I will sleep at least for a month. Thinking about everything during a move is so exhausting.

However the day came (27/08) and for the first time after almost eleven years, when my flight left the islands, I didn’t feel I left the “Alcatraz”, I felt I left my home… I left my life. And honestly, I did. Even if I came back to my home country, London and Great Britain were my home for almost eleven years… I knew I must do this and I must do it now, I have to open a new chapter.

I had to wait at the airport, but it was great, because after the 12 degrees, rain and windy summer in London, I felt 36 degrees, sunshine and blue sky… that’s how I arrived in Hungary. Also, I met nice people at the airport, so it was lovely to wait. 

I’ve been home for more than two weeks now and so far I like it. I know at the moment I’m still in my parents’ house and dressing in boxes, while I’m waiting to move to my flat at the Lake Balaton and I know it helps a lot that I can play with my nephew often, but so far I like it. Also, we celebrated during these two weeks, my nephew’s first birthday and brother’s thirtieth birthday doo and soon my Dad’s birthday is coming (yes, all the men in my family were born in September! 🤣) These are the things I would miss if I don’t make the decision to move on (and many more). I don’t have illusions, I am sure it will be hard times, but my depression and anxiety are much better since I’m around people who love me and whose I love too. 

So next time I will share with you an amazing event I’ve been to during the weekend, called Zrínyi Days. It will be a bit different post, as I would like to share with you a bit of the history of my home town and the reason why it is a big deal every year in our neighbourhood. Because London is amazing, Great Britain is beautiful and everyone knows how wonderful Budapest is, but trust me we have many more hidden gems in Hungary.

I hope you stay with me and together we SipFire up Hungary too. 😘 

Love you guys, and doesn’t matter where you are, never forget this: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

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Let’s move on

Hello Guys,

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the Summer. First I would like to apologise for the fact that I haven’t posted for a while now. I promise I have a very good reason and I will share it with you in this post.

I mentioned earlier that I´m working on a “big project”…well after more than 10 years living in London, I decided to relocate back to Hungary at least for a year. I know, it is shocking.😅 However, after soo many discussions with family, friends, and people I usually listen to, I decided that this is the best for me at the moment (or at least this is what I feel is the best). Lately, my friends are moved back to their countries, life in London changed a lot after the pandemic and my last visit at home during Christmas time woke me up. 

I usually wait for two things in the year and these two things are my holidays at home with my friends and family. I am the happiest when I am surrounded by them. I am laughing more, I feel better and I feel alive. 

My life in London became just a huge waiting time, while I have done nothing just worked, came home, eat, took a shower and sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is my fault, but still, I was always tired and anxious. I became depressed, even though I had a nice career, and friends and I loved my life in London, I felt sad and lonely. Then I realised, I must change… drastically. First of course I had to start the change in my head and slowly turn my anxiety to hope, but still, I felt something is missing. I was wondering for years if I go back is just a run from my life, but after I moved into a nice place, I had a nice job and nice friends, I still felt this pull… the pull I haven’t felt in 10 years… the one that says, now you need to go and try. No matter what it will be, if you don’t try, you will regret it forever.

So I decided to relocate to Hungary. Why do I say relocate and not “move”? Simple brain hack. My anxiety and depression kicked in when one of my best friends at home ask me The Question: “So do you now move back to Hungary FOREVER?” Well… I started to sweat, I couldn´t bread, I felt I will die for sure… then I started to think… Do I want to move back forever? What if I change my mind? Do they all will be disappointed? Do I need to stay? What if I will change my mind? What if I will not like it after a year? All these questions just came into my mind at once… I felt tired, overwhelmed and to be honest, I just realised that I do not wish to move anywhere FOREVER. But I will buy a one-way ticket to Hungary and all my stuff will be transferred back… so technically, I will move back… and then I started to question everything (I know, again)… Is it really what I want or it is just an escape from my life? 

In the end, I figured out that nothing last FOREVER. I do not HAVE TO do anything. And my brain loves the idea that I go back for at least a year and once the year ends, I will see how I feel. I have a fully settled status in the UK, so in the next 5 years, I can come back anytime. My landlady and her family love me, so she said my flat will be available for me always, no matter who will live in it, they will take it out for me, and my workplace offered the same. 

So finally I decided to try. It wasn´t that quick and easy decision like it was 10 years ago to move here. First I started to think about it 4-5 years ago, we had soo many discussions with my friends here and there too about it, but in the end, I have two (a million others as well) very strong reasons why I do this: 

  1. As I mentioned in the previous post What is your “why”? My biggest why is my nephew. It was always hard to leave behind my friends’ kids, my parents, and my friends, but when I had to handle back my (at that time) 4 months old nephew…my heart was broken. I don´t want to be the aunty who just sending sh@ts and never there. I want to be there for him and never miss any birthdays or Easterns or any other occasions.
  2. At some point, everyone has to grow up and take responsibility. I can live in London and years just come and go and I will be in the same place in my life as I was last year or the years before. My life in London is an extended teenage life. I am having fun, I have money to buy sh@ts, and I have a job, but at the end of the day, most likely I am alone. Almost everyone important to me is in Hungary or will be.

I love my life in London and possibly I will come back or I will go and live somewhere else in the World, but at the moment I feel I need to go home for a bit and see how it will work (or not) for me after more than 10 years living in abroad. 

So I will continue to write blog posts, don´t worry, just not that often until the end of August. But I do not wish you to miss my moving fun, I want to include you guys, so I am working on making short videos and uploading them here, on YouTube and all the social media platforms, so please follow the Spitfires. Also, I am planning to do some mini-courses about mental health, motivation and positive life set later this year, so please just stay with me. During my videos, I also concur with my fears (my first fear is to upload my first video and see how you like me or don´t) and also give you some tips regarding moving out of the UK with a positive mindset of course. Obviously from the end of August, I will show you places in Hungary. I will move next to Hungary´s biggest lake, called Balaton, so I will have enough to share with you and we will continue our positive SpitFirey journey together, only my physical location will change.

Last, but not least, I would like to thank you for all your support here on the blog and on the social media platforms too in the last few years. Hopefully, these videos will help me not just keep my English, but get to know you guys better. 

I will bring the first video soon, but until that, please remember: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Easter in Hungary

Hello, Bunnies

Happy Easter or Happy Bunny, as we usually say in Hungary! 🐰

Easter is one of my favorite holidays, not only because it is a four days weekend, but because finally, it is Spring. Flowers everywhere, colors, nature is waking up, the days are getting longer and the weather is starting to warm up. Easter is about rebirth, renewal, and the celebration of the colors. (At least to me.)

So many traditions attached to Easter depend on the family or which part of the country you goes. So I decided to talk about my family’s Easter traditions. When I was a kid, we always decorated the house and colored boiled eggs. My grandma did it with onion leaves and made them brown. Sometimes she used wax to draw on the eggs. At home, we bought some egg coloring kits with stickers, but either way, the end was beautiful and colorful eggs.

Saturday my mum cooked the ham and the eggs, as these are the traditional breakfast for Easter morning. Of course, she cooked and baked as well, because the family gathered together on Sunday for a lunch. Also we “built the nest for the Easter Bunny”. My brother and I went to the garden with one of our mother’s baskets and we collected some grass, to make sure the Bunny has the best and nicest place, so he could bring us lots of chocolates. (Back then usually the kids got mostly chocolates, toys, and some money from their grandparents. Now it is a bit different because Easter became Spring’s Christmas, and the kids get toys and of course money after a certain age.)

When Easter morning came we woke up we were so excited to see what the Bunny brought for us. Also, the family set down together and eat the traditional Easter breakfast. This breakfast contained ham, boiled eggs, horseradish sauce, some vegetables, and fresh bread. (It was funny because we grow up like we never really had breakfast, we just grabbed a cup of hot cocoa and ate first around 10 am, so the Easter breakfast was delicious, but we did not really a huge fan of eating in the morning. 😅) Usually this is the same everywhere in Hungary, mostly because of religious reasons, even if our family wasn’t really a religious family. As a Christian (even though I am not practicing my religion) Easter is a big celebration after 40 days of fasting, the first time you can eat meat. Especially on Good Friday, the meat was forbidden (good for vegetarians and vegans, less good for me.😅) As I said I do not really want to go to the religious side of the holiday.

So after we had our breakfast, we had a look at the nest and we were so happy and grateful that Bunny loved us and we always get something and then we waited for the rest of the family. Slowly arrived our grandparents and sometimes our uncle too. They all brought something for us and the nest just got full of goodies.

 At 12am we started our lunch. We always had chicken soup, breaded pork and/or chicken, stuffed meat, oven-baked meats with rice, mashed potatoes, some salads, and pickles. My mum always made at least 2-3 kids of cakes and grandmas brought their creations too. Yes, we were so full, so the rest of the day we just enjoyed the sunshine outside our garden and talked about everything. As kids, we played with the new toys and had so much fun.

Easter Monday is much more interesting in Hungary. This day is known as “Shower Monday” too. Every woman gets sprinkled or showered with water or perfumes and men get colored eggs, chocolates, or even money as rewards. The original tradition was actually that the boy shows his interest to the wed-aged girl like this. Always the single girls get sprinkled and no one else really. Somewhere if the boy got a basket (not only eggs) in return that showed he is the chosen one and even the girl’s family blessed his interest and after that, they were allowed to start “dating”. 

Nowadays it is a bit different but still, women get their sprinkles/showers, but now doesn’t matter their age and marital status. Actually, if you are a man and you want peace in the house, you just shower every woman.😀 The “belief” is in Hungary that the woman must be showered “locsolni”, otherwise they will get wither, just like the flowers. The boys go around the village or in the city neighborhood and usually, they use perfumes to sprinkle, but somewhere (mostly in the villages) still water is preferred. This is the man’s choice, and these days girls give them money instead of eggs or baskets. The boys create some nice or sometimes funny verbs where they “ask” the girl if she allows the sprinkles (not that a girl really has a choice 😅), and these verbs make the tradition funnier.

I always wanted to be a boy on this day. My brother was so shy and he just sprinkled the women in the family, he never went around the village, but he doubled his pocket money on this day. On the other side… well until the end of the day, I get wet (come on!) and I had at least 5-6 different perfumes smell mixed up on me and I couldn’t wait to go home (usually Easter Monday we celebrated in my grandmother’s house) and wash my hair. 

But still, I love Easter and all of those traditions. I think especially after we grow up, we forget the fun and Easter can be a very fun day. 

Some families or sociates in Hungary make Easter games for the kids, such as eggs painting, contests, “find the eggs competition” (hide the eggs or chocolates around the place and kids have to search for them) or my favorite was the egg rolling game (whose egg went farthest was the winner). Easter is mostly about the kids, but still, families gather together, eat and celebrate. 

I hope you will have a lovey Spit(firey)Easter and the Bunny brings you so much fun, love, and sweets.

And don’t forget during the big celebration, that you are a Hero, no matter what!😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Merry Christmas to everyone! 🎄😘

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

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Egyéb kategória This is how we do it!

Santa is coming tonight

Hello, hello…

…or should I say Hohohohoooo?! 🎅

I know some of you are just looking at the title and have no idea what I am talking about because today is only the 5th of December. Let me explain to you and I promise until we finish here you will go and clean your boots (okay, sneakers will work too 😉). Okay, now, I am sure you lost (except if you are from Hungary).

So I know most of the world celebrates Christmas and Santa brings presents on the 25th of December…well not in Hungary. Don’t worry, we have Christmas and we get presents too (in my family we open the presents on Christmas eve), but in Hungary Jesus brings the presents and the Christmas tree too on Christmas eve (yes, we do not decorate the Christmas tree until the 24th of December’s afternoon)… so now you wonder, what we do with Santa?!

Well, we do nothing with him, but he brings us presents on the 6th of December night. I do not wish to explain the whole history of this tradition, because is more religious and I do not want to mix this here, but I can explain the actual tradition. 

So in Hungary (and some of the other European countries too) at this time, the kids are cleaning their boots and preparing them for the night. On the 5th of December evening, we had to clean our boots and leave them in the window before we get ready for bed. We had to make sure that they are nice and shiny and left them in the windows to make sure that Santa easily can find them During this magical night Santa picks up his sleigh and all his reindeer (we are not that weirdo, we call them on the same name the same as the rest of the world does) and deliver the presents to the kids. Fill up the boots with lots of nice things. Nowadays the kids get maybe some small toys too, but the original tradition is that Santa only brings sweets and chocolates (in my grandparents’ childhood was a bit different, they had fruits, sweets, and nuts)…lots of chocolates. During this time of the year, you can buy small packs full of different kinds of sweets or you can make them your own (the only must-have is the Santa figure) or just leave the goodies as it is in the footwear. But one thing is sure, everyone gets something…

…and here you can ask “what about the bad kids”. Well, the bad kids don’t get anything or they only get “sorghum” (I am not sure you have a proper word for this thing, so you can see a picture of it below). Actually, still, today parents threaten their kids during the year (or should I say blackmailing?) with the fact that if they do not behave or be nice, Santa will not give them anything or they will get only a big bounce of sorghum. (Let’s make something clear, I have it sometimes, but because I was a bad kid… I was always cheeky. Just for clarity.😋)

The week of the 6th of December Santa goes to schools, kindergartens, and nurseries (even into the Library in Hobol, search for it!) and brings small presents and chocolates to the kids (szaloncukor, it is a traditional Hungarian bonbon only for Christmas). The kids decorate the houses, and the institutes, and sing songs to Santa when he arrives.

As a sweet tooth, this is one of my favorite traditions. And the answer is YES, I cleaned my boots already. 😉

So have fun, clean your boots and if you were good enough during this year, maybe you will find something in your footwear tomorrow morning.😘

Love you guys and Happy Santa day for tomorrow!🎅

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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