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“Big men don’t cry”

Hello Guys,

I hope you are well and enjoying your time and life. Autumn’s colours are beautiful, and from the 1st of November, the Holiday season officially started. 🎄😅

So, I always write from my perspective, drawing on my own experience and that of my closest circle, and my clients are mostly women. Recently (in the past two years), I became the luckiest woman on earth because amazing, lovely and traumatised men surround me. 😅 I love all of them, but it was a huge surprise how much they care about self-development (of course, I’m their best life coach🥰), against all the assumptions, they like and want to talk about their emotions, and what kind of traumas they have. 

All the women’s magazines say that “women are from Venus and men are from Mars”. Yes, we’re so different in a million ways, but what I’ve discovered is how similar we are in our negative feelings, self-destructions or traumas. How they self-sabotage, and we do, it is very similar. And mostly, I want to talk about the beliefs that we share.

Before we start, I want to explain why I think this subject is very crucial. I have many traumas, battling with anxiety and depression, not to mention my ADHD. So I know these things first-hand. I thought I had to wear masks all the time to be loved and accepted. I saw these men around me and I was amazed by their kindness, friendship and how strong they are despite everything they had been through. As I said, I am lucky to be most of the time the only woman around them, so I am more of a “bro” to them than a woman (not for everyone and not always, though), which is absolutely fine with me, but like that, I can hear the “bro talk”. You know every girl would like to be a fly on the wall when their other half is with the guys on a boys’ night out. We think they watch football, have a beer and only talk about their favourite team, other ladies or hobbies. What else can they discuss, because they don’t talk about fashion or their feelings as we do?! At least that’s what we think.

Well, ladies, I have news, your other halves have feelings and they’re talking about it with their friends. Why with them and why not with you? Well, simply because they think they have to be strong in front of you, otherwise you will feel that they are just “crying girls”. This was one of the strongest beliefs that I heard from my friends. Let’s start.

“Big men, don’t cry”

I discussed with the “boys”, and they all said the same: “Boys are not allowed to cry”. Some heard from their fathers or other adults, which makes absolute sense. Old traditions, old wounds, old generational patterns come to the surface. However, what surprised me even more was that,  if no one told them directly, they just “knew” because if they cried when they were kids, other kids started to laugh at them. The conditioning is deeper than I thought. Men from the beginning of time were conditioned to be strong, and crying is a sign of weakness. 

Let me tell you something, crying is a release mechanism in our lives.  That’s how the kids release their frustrations, and this is the best way to let go of the energy that is no longer serving us. A good cry is actually healthy because it releases toxins from our bodies and all negative energy. If you don’t cry, you push back those emotions until you will not be able to handle them, and you will explode…if you are lucky. Researchers proved that if you don’t let go of your toxic emotions, they can pile up and can cause even cancer in your body. Nowadays, the situation is improving, and we allow our men to be emotional and we cherish their soft sides. However, I often see that if a guy is opening up, we as women feel that he is too weak and we cannot see him as a man. It is a circle on both sides. 

Women don’t make this emotional transition easier for the other gender. We want our man to be strong and do the “man’s jobs”, but also help us to clean the house. We want him to talk to us, but not too much because we feel overwhelmed by his problems, too. We want him to catch the spider, but what if he has the same trauma regarding this small animal like we do?! We cannot handle it, because we need to feel safe. Our man has to provide, but spend time with us, but not too much, because we need our own time, help, but don’t be too “womanly”…the list goes on, and on and on.

I think the solution is balance and communication. Like everywhere in life, balance and communication are the keys to a relationship as well. Give and take. That’s the basic. Give them the space to open up, to share. Also, we need to know what we want, then align with that person. Get the qualities, visions, and emotions that we want to receive in a relationship. 

“All men must be a superhero”

Obviously! That’s a must-have recruitment! (And obviously, it’s a huge, fat bullshit! 😅) Have you ever thought about the expectations of our society in a man’s eyes? I mean, we all know that a woman has to be married, have at least 1 kid and a nice career before 30, otherwise she is a spinster and “will die alone”. (Or doesn’t have a pancake from her mother!😅 Sorry, Mom!!!🤣)

But what about the men? Our society isn’t soft on them either. If a man doesn’t have a house, car, wife, at least 1 kid and a salary that can provide for the whole family, he isn’t a man, just some kind of “pathetic loser”. My guys told me that it’s still very essential that, from their salary, they provide for their family and must have a higher salary than their wives, otherwise they cannot feel man enough. If they cannot use the tools to build anything, they think less of themselves. They need to fix the tap and cut all the wood, and be a hunter, or at least go fishing, because that’s so “manly”. 

To be honest, feminism didn’t help either. I’m single and from a village, so I can shovel the snow from the porch, use a screwdriver and put a shelf on my wall, and I’m definitely able to open a jar.🤷‍♀️  But ladies, please, it will not hurt you if you ask them to open that jar, or let them do the IKEA wardrobe without a manual. 😅 I know you don’t mind having your hands dirty, but let them do it, let them be a man (unless they don’t like it when their hands are dirty…well then be a “strong woman” and help- if they ask for it!🤣 Yes, I know such a man!🤣- Sorry!! You know I love you!😅)

“Men don’t have traumas”

Nope, they are not allowed. That’s the women’s privilege. (BS😅)

Let me tell you something, because we are all human beings, we all have been kids at some point in our lives (I know, I know, there are certain people that you cannot believe or imagine that they have ever experienced joy or know what kindness means, but trust me, they were kids. 😉), and like that we all have traumas. You know why? Because every parent makes mistakes. They’re human. Humans make mistakes. Not intentionally, not because they purposely want to screw up their kids’ lives and then pay the therapist for years…no… they are just trying to do their best, because unfortunately for a human baby, we do not get a manual. Babies are not IKEA self that you have a manual and you still can f@ck up. Every parent wants the best for their kid, and they have never been parents before, so it’s the first time they’re doing it. With years, they become better. But they have pasts, too. They have generational traumas that they pass on to you. Not because they want to, but that’s what they’ve got for their parents. Your parents have beliefs from their parents or their own that condition you and your beliefs. Unless you work on yourself, you will pass them to your kids. Or you have siblings, and they just want to joke with you, but they condition you to be scared of spiders for the rest of your life…but because you are a man…well, that’s not cool. Or your parents don’t want to buy a new outfit for the masquerade, and you are a 5-year-old boy and have to wear your older sister’s Madonna costume, and you end up looking like a bad whore  (True story from a friend.😅) …that’s a trauma for life. Yet, your parents just wanted to save some money. 

No one talks about what these things can do for the long term in your life. There are obviously more serious matters, too. For example doesn’t matter your gender when you are born to a family they don’t want you, or maybe they wanted the opposite sex. You start your life as a huge disappointment to your parents, who should love you unconditionally. That’s a trauma for a life which is not gender specific. Not to mention when your teachers criticise you for something, or they give you the bad boy stamp. And we haven’t discussed the teenager dramas, the loss of the first love. I could write about the type of traumas for days. 

The conclusion is that until you become a 30-40-year-old man, you are fully insecure, don’t have self-confidence (but you will pretend like you don’t have tomorrow), you feel useless, incompetent and unworthy, which most of the men (and women) avoid, so start to use substances (or the women sometimes begin to became the gossip channel), everything just not to face the problems. 

So yes, men are traumatised too. Everyone should accept that fact and be more empathetic with others. Plus, I have some bad news…if you don’t face your problems, nothing will get better…but it can always get worse.

So, doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman. We are all human beings trying to do our best on this planet called Earth. We have more in common than we even can imagine. Listen to the guys as well. Listen and know that they have their own burdens and emotions, and let them show you the soft side, too. And guys, please let us know more; show us your emotional side too, so we can understand you better. 

No one has to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Summary of a Summer,

aka Painkillers and Distractions

Hello guys,

I hope you’re well and had an amazing Summer. I had one of a kind. And that’s exactly the subject for this time.🥰

Usually, Summer is my “battery charger”. My friends and loved ones often tell me that I’m working with solar energy. So, if the sun is shining, I’m happy and conquer the World at least 2 times per hour, but if not, it’s like someone unplugged me. That’s true most of the time, and that’s why I didn’t realise the fall. The worst part is that this period started last Spring, but I was so busy to realise that I’ve started to “use painkillers” and “distractions”, just to make sure I don’t have to deal with the “serious things”. What does it mean? I’ll explain.

Usually, I don’t like to talk about these kinds of things. Who likes to talk about their failures and falls? Yepp, no one. Especially if you’re in the care industry. But I think that’s why it’s important to tell you about my journey. 

So, if you know me, you know that I’m always busy, full of energy, very positive, cheerful, but a tough, strong and badass woman. Which is true, but what only a few of you know is that I’m so emotional and hopeless romantic. I’m a born empath, and that can be a blessing and a curse, too. I’m loyal till the end, I love with all my heart, I can be excited about anything, and that’s why I have high hopes and expectations. I thought I had learnt to get the balance, but the Universe proved that I’m so far from it. 

I’m always so high in the clouds or so low down in Hell. No middle ground. Last summer, I felt I was in balance. I felt zen and happy. That was the illusion. A lovely and so high period. I loved every minute of it and I haven’t regretted anything. So I had the same expectations for this summer, too. But Life happened. I wanted to do what I did last summer, but life hit me hard, so I had to see what I was actually doing.

I kept myself busy, but not because I had that many things to do, but because I didn’t want to face the fact that I started to please everyone around me again, just to keep the (now I know, it was only an illusion) peace. I tried to be perfect in every aspect of my life. Perfect look, style, student, employee, friend, daughter, aunt, sister, etc. You name it and I’ve done it. I’ve tried so hard to be everywhere, to “make” everyone happy. And that’s where I started to use “pankillers” and “distractions”. 

What were those? Fun! I went to parties, I met friends, I was even a fangirl on a bench for a whole summer, just to feel alive, everything but facing the fact that I started to feel tired. It was much easier to listen to other people’s problems and help them than help myself. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just felt okay and good. When I had some bad days, instead of sitting down and checking what the lesson is, what I am doing, I used one of my lovely distractions. I called a friend, went to the beach or sat and listened to my favourite songs from one of the kindest singers I know. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others, I never regret a minute of last summer, and I had a really fun time, but that lifestyle wasn’t sustainable, nor aligned with my plans.  

Last Fall, things started to fall apart, but as you know, I had my exams, so I just thought that everything was about the stress regarding the study. I believed, once I finished, I would have what I wanted, because I worked so hard for it, and everything would be calm again, just like in summer, and I could focus again on the things that “made” me happy. But nothing went according to plan, and I hit rock bottom. I was so high on positive energy, so I hit the ground so hard. But hey, I’m fine! I think that should be on my gravestone: “I’m fine!”😅 “I’m fine, and this is just a bump on the road!” “I’ve got this!”- Yep, all the cliches. And all the toxic positivity.

People think that these are enough to open someone’s eyes. Well, it’s a good thing that I’m so stubborn, like a dog with a bone, so I didn’t let go, no sit down, self-reflect…noooo…that’s not me. 😅 I shook myself, fixed my crown and continued the same journey. I didn’t realise what I was doing even during Christmas time. I love that time of the year, and I was just tired. I was exhausted from shopping, being on the go, running all the time, and juggling everything. Lessons with my students, working on the website, planning for next year, being who everyone wants you to be, but in the end, no one was happy with me or the things I‘ve done. I wanted nothing, just to sit on that bench and be summer again. 

The New Year started lovely, with another “painkiller”, but it felt good, so I gathered energy to go on, and I put all my energy into the life coaching. I was high, on the top again. I’ve met amazing and inspiring people who have helped me a lot. By summer arrived, I was so happy and proud. My students gave me so much love, and I’m so proud of all of them. But students finished, the summer hit, and everyone went on holiday. So I couldn’t be as busy as I wanted to be. 

I honestly thought about the distractions, but after May, I realised that it would be lovely, but if I continue like this, I cannot pull my head out of the sand. 

So this summer, I’ve done what I least wanted to do: I faced my fears and flaws. I’ve been sitting instead of a bench and listening to someone else (whom I wanted to listen to so badly), I was sitting in my bed or on the beach and listening to myself. It was so hard… I’m not very kind to myself, but better with others. 😅 I hit rock bottom during the process and found out things that I’ve buried so deep down, I didn’t remember that I’ve ever felt them. I re-created my boundaries because some of them were so outdated. Even I realised that time to time boundaries need to be bent or rethought. I had to accept a million things about myself and others who are so close to me. Also, I had to let go of people who were part of my life forever, but did not fit in anymore. I was disappointed more times than I can count. I felt like going back and distracting myself would be easy, but I had to “come off the painkillers” to be who I am, to move on and be calm, balanced and be happy without anyone’s approval or validations from outside of me. Now I am in a place where I am not just saying that I am fine, I honestly feel it. I still have work to do, but I am happy, without any distractions. 

It sucks!!! Trust me, it was harder than anything, but now I know my value. I know who I am and I know my worth. I don’t want to settle for less anymore, just to feel alive. If someone wants me in their life, they have to treat me as a priority and not an option. Anyone…friends, family, love, anyone. I understand the people around me, I understand where they come from, which wounds they have and why they do things the way they do. I do understand all of these things. But if I make an effort to understand them, I want them to make the same effort for me. Or the bare minimum, is that leave me alone. What you give, you get back. 

The point is that life without expectations is nice, but no one can do that. Even if you don’t expect anything from others, you expect them not to expect anything from you. And that’s a catch-22. 😉 

I think what I wanted to tell you in the end is that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to rebuild from the ground up, it’s fine to make mistakes, but check your painkillers and distractions, so you can change your life for good. As soon as you start looking for these things and start to do the work, as soon as your life will change too, and you can be the one you want to, or meant to be. Fun is a good thing and has as much as you need, just make sure that this fun is not toxic, not because you want to hide something, not just a distraction, but pure joy. I can have fun now without using it as a cover for deep wounds. 

Enjoy the last days of summer, have fun and be yourself, no matter what. Spitfire up, and if you can’t, just sit on a bench and look inside. It’s worth it! And you are never alone. I am here for you, and I am so proud of you! If you need help, just drop a message and we will figure it out together!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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Mindfulness

Hello guys,

I hope everything is going well with you. I do apologise because of the “blog-break”, but as you saw on the website, I’m a bit busy nowadays and I love that. ❤ I try to do many nice things, such as offering a free 5-question workbook. The next one is coming soon, which will help you on your self-discovery journey. 

But I’m here now to talk about an important topic, which is our health. I know this one is all over the place, and everyone is living a healthy lifestyle, and mental health is a huge topic nowadays, so the question is relevant: “What new can you tell me?” I’m not sure I can, but I believe the importance of repeating things that are valuable and can be beneficial for others. 

Since the WHO describes it very well, we all know that health is not just not being sick, but it’s feeling good in our body, mind and soul. We all know the components of a healthy life, such as a good night’s sleep, reducing stress, a balanced diet, and the list goes on. I promise I have no intention to speak about food or sleep. Also, I’ll avoid the “no drugs, alcohol or smoke” part. 

What I want to talk about is what I do every day as a life coach, which I see firsthand. This blog is positive, so today’s topic is mental health. And mindfulness. I truly believe that if someone follows a healthy diet, exercises every day, has at least 8 hours of sleep and doesn’t have any bad habits, they still can have serious health issues because of stress. Since the internet and social media are part of our everyday life, the World has accelerated, and the stress factors have increased significantly. Although companies are investing substantial amounts of money in various work-life balance activities, the burnout rates are on the rise. Why? Well, I used to work in the corporate area, and until the multimillion-dollar companies deal with their employees as robots and not humans, a weekly massage or yoga will never help. Think about it. Your company offers fresh fruits for breakfast. You took it, then you went for a company-paid 30-minute massage. When you finish with that, you sit down next to your computer, and you have 30 unread messages regarding what is wrong in the company, and everyone wants you to fix it. How would you feel? Or when you have to take your laptop with you during your holiday, just to make sure that you are reachable, and if you are, trust me, they will reach out. If they don’t, after a week of holiday, your inbox will be full, and I guarantee that when you finish with all those emails, you will feel even more tired than you left for those holidays not to mention the maternity period, especially in the UK, where, as a mother, you have to return to work after 6-8 months. However, the daycares for the kids are free after the age of 2, and the grandparents don’t live nearby or even in the same country. As a private English teacher, I work with kids and see overwhelmed and burnt-out kids every day. Be calm, be happy, be a kid, but they are in the schools until 3 pm, and after that starts the sports practices, the dance lessons, the private lessons (Maths, English, German, Biology, name it and they do it), plus the homework and we surprised when the kids are burnt-out at age 12. Not to mention the graduation periods…Jeez… they’re only 18 years old and they have so much pressure on their shoulders.

Work-life balance is just an illusion in the world. Unless you create one for yourself. I’ve been there, done that. Trust me, hard and sucks, but it’s possible. How do we start to do that?

  1. Time management is essential. The problem is that in our early years in school, we learn that everything has the same importance, which isn’t true. I don’t care if you are a student or an employee, you have to manage your time. And to do that, you must know your timeline. It means that I need 1 hour in the morning to get ready. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I cannot be 100% during the day without my 1-hour morning prep. How long do you need? Don’t try to put 2 hours’ work in a one-hour timeframe and then be stressed out because you are not done yet.
  1. Prioritise. Multitasking is a very nice and fancy world in our lives, and that’s why we are stressed. That’s what’s expected from us. But the human brain was never wired to do a million things at once, and especially not perfectly. This is the biggest BS in the modern world. Not all the subjects are equally important at school. Come on, don’t tell me that art classes have the same importance in your college application as Maths or the languages? Unless, of course, you want to be an artist, but then Maths doesn’t matter that much. Same in your workplace. Trust me, not all 100 emails have the same priority. John’s “thank you email” will not bring 1 million for the company, but if you don’t answer the biggest client’s email, it can cost that much. So forget the multitasking and prioritise regarding the importance of the company, your life, your mood on that day, your lifestyle or the period you are in it. I used to work in a bar, and my mentor told me that, and since then, I live my life like this: “Step by step, and day by day.”
  1. Delegate. I know it’s hard to say, especially if someone is a perfectionist (like me), but you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask your friends for the exam items, so you don’t have to do them. Or ask your colleagues to help you. Women!!! You don’t have to do all the housework alone. Because your spouses, partner lives in the same house, they can help as well. I don’t say that from now on our other half should do everything, but we cannot die if we ask them from time to time for some help. We will not be less super women, just more clever. Share the housework. Discuss who likes to do what and share. I have bad news: no one is a mindreader, so if you don’t ask, you will never get the help. Just ask. Remember Smarter than harder.

Once we have a bit more time, please use it to get some rest. We will not miss anything if sometimes we do what feels good for us and say no to an event, or we just delay our so-called important obligations. Have some fun. Sometimes, I sit down and brainstorm all the things that I loved to do when I was a kid, and I do at least one item from the list. Fun, joy and happiness make us feel alive. Play like the kids. 

Create boundaries and try to focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone around you. I know, I said this a million times, but still true: At the end of the day, you will be alone in your bed with your emotions. No one can feel your feelings, not even your partners, friends, family…only you. 

Summertime has so much magic regarding our mental health. Go for a walk in nature, go for a holiday, spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, take a night swim in the lake, go for a horse ride, have a picnic, take a day off and get lost in the woods, just go outside and enjoy the wonder around you. 

So SpitFire Up, and please take care of yourself. Summer is the best time of the year to create new and joyful habits.😘 And if you need more support, book a free 30-minute consultation, and we will see how to continue. ❤

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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“Mirror, mirror on the wall…”

Hello Lovelies,

I know each one of you is now confused about this sentence. And that’s okay. 😅 I’ll explain it very soon. First, I wanted to let you know that the website is still in progress with the Life Coach and Motivational speech options, but it will be available soon. Until then, if you need help because you are stuck in your life and have no idea what to do, you can contact me on the social media platforms below. Feel free to drop me a message and I am happy to help! 🥰

However, I have something to share with you. I had a conversation last week (well, not one) that just stuck in my brain or actually, the fact that the person I advised never heard about the “Mirror technique or affect”. Maybe you never heard of that or do not fully understand what it means. Don’t worry, my mentor and very good friend talked to me about the “Mirror” for years while I finally realised its true meaning. Anyway, this is one of the easiest life-changing techniques I have ever heard. “Everyone in your life is a mirror!” But is it true?🤔

Here is the good news: yes and no! But first, we need to clarify other things. Everyone who is around us is a mirror. Their behaviour, skills, and emotions resonate with our frequency. Everyone and everything has a frequency and that’s how we attract people or stuff in our life. Based on our rezonation we choose our friends, relationships even our work. Most of the time we have either a positive or negative vibe. But how is it attached to the mirror? 

For example, you have a friend, who is always complaining, that nothing is good, but he/she pretends that everything is fine. In the beginning, you became friends because you were on the same frequency. (Sorry, but that’s the harsh truth.) If you don’t start to look at him or her as a mirror, you are not bothered. You are the same, it is a beautiful relationship, but neither of you understands why things are always “bad”. Then you start to read my blog, do the tricks and hacks, I share and your frequency starts to rise and you feel more positive, you attract positive people and one day, you just release that the friend we mentioned previously became so annoying. You don’t understand what happened, but you don’t want to spend time with him or her. You feel overwhelmed after every coffee you share. And here the “mirror” comes. Why this person bothers me? What is in his/her behaviour that makes me uncomfortable? Most of the time they say that you changed and you are the one who is annoying and unreliable. You start to see that this person is gossiping all the time, negative and nothing is good. And that’s the point where you have to stop and look in the mirror. Because if it bothers you means you have something to do with those things. They reflect your behaviour and actions. Are you complaining all the time? Do you like gossiping? Are you happy and satisfied with your life? 

If the answer is yes to all those questions, you have to start working on yourself and find the root cause of your behaviour. Because no one can make you feel anything. Your feelings are yours and yours only. So if someone’s behaviour bothers you most likely you act in the same way. Maybe you think that your life is perfect, but you still find things about to complain. Why? Where do those feelings come from?

But if the answer is no to the questions, means that you have nothing to do with the other person’s actions. They are not the reflection of you. Simply they can have a bad day and they reflect their frustration on you. Or you may outgrow them. Your frequency no longer matches theirs. Maybe they are jealous of your success or the things you achieved. Or you envy them about something. 

I also advise my “clients”, the people I work with in their self-development, to first stop and take a breath. Look at the person who said or done the things that are bothering them. Is this person truly important enough to me? Even if the answer is no, the next questions are mandatory. Is this true? Do I act the way they say? If the answer is no to both questions, well you have nothing to do with the situation. But if it is yes, you have to ask other questions. Why this thing bothers me? What do I feel? Where do these feelings come from? Why do I behave this way? Can I change? Do I want to change?

After we find the answers to all those questions, we’ll be able to start to work on the solutions. No matter what you are working on, the first step is always to identify the problem. Once it is done, you need to know the root cause to start working on the strategy that leads you to the full solution. 

One more thing I wanted to tell you. Even if you sort out one problem in your life, others will come. Life never stops happening. Sometimes the same problems come back in a different form and you have to start the process again. You have to look in the mirror and do everything again from the beginning. Our behaviours, reactions, and patterns are not something that we were born with. We learnt them during our years on Earth. If you are 35 years “young” just like me, you have done something in a way in the past 35 years. That behavior will not gone in two, three, four, etc. weeks just because you work on it once. Self-development is a lifelong process. Each behaviour, emotion or pattern change depends on the person, the circumstances, the time, the environment, etc. Some of them we can get rid of in two weeks, but the deeper ones need much more time. You created them in 35 years, so they will not disappear in a second.

And yes, sometimes you need help. You need a person who can see you from the outside. Someone who just sits and listens to you without judgment, in a safe environment, where you can be yourself and everything is about you and your process. So many people said, “Why need a therapist or life coach when I have friends?” well, true, but your friends need to talk about themselves too. Most of the time they don’t want to hurt your feelings and that’s why they are not honest. They cannot see you objectively, because they are involved in your life. Plus they desperately want to help and give you all the cliche pieces of advice. Come on we all heard at least once in our life after a break up that “He wasn’t good enough for you. It’s his loss. Just let go.” Thank you, Einsteins!!!! Seriously, no kidding Sherlock?! 🙄That’s why sometimes we need help from outside of our circle.

The “mirror” technique is the best way to see ourselves. If the other person in the mirror is not who we want to see, well, we have a chance to change. But we always need to stop first and check who is the one who said that thing and what they say, because there is a possibility that we are their mirror and not the other way around. When I first heard about this, I started to monitor all my interactions with other people and I got terrified about myself. Some of them were true. I was arrogant, selfish, hysterical, bitchy, judgemental, critical, etc. And some of them had nothing to do with me. But because I heard that “Everyone is a mirror”, I started to believe that I am a terrible person. Now I know that there are moments when you are the mirror to the other person.

One last thing is crucial to talk about. Not just everyone, but everything is a mirror. So if you say that someone around you does something that you do not agree with, either you envy that thing or you do it the same way. Life/Universe/God wants to show you one of your core beliefs. Let’s say that your friend has so much money and you think, it’s easy for him or her because… Now here it is. Mirror. I want that money that easy, so I am jealous, but my core belief is that I must work hard to get a little bit of money. Or when you say “money just comes and goes” and you are surprised that the money goes all the time… Honey, of course, it goes, because you never said that it stays. See what I mean? Your friend’s lifestyle and the fact that you want this showed you the block in your life.

It’s hard to look in the mirror because shows us the truth about ourselves. But trust me it’s worth it. As soon as you accept that you are not perfect and never will be, you can start the work to become the person you want to be. You can be anyone if you want to and if you work for it. Achieving our biggest dreams is never easy, but nothing is impossible. 

As Audrey Hepburn said: “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says: I’m-Possible.”

I hope it helps you to SpitFire up, look in the mirror with pride and adore the person inside of it because everyone is imperfectly perfect. I honestly love you all!!! ❤

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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10 easy steps before 2025!

Hello, hello

I hope you are having fun in the Christmas markets and getting ready for the holiday season. Well, I am. 😅 But while this time of the year is about Christmas and love, we should not forget another big celebration: New Year’s Eve! When I was a kid, I was so excited when the countdown started because I thought once the clock hit midnight, something wonderful would happen, and magically, I would have a new life. Year by year I stood beside my parents with my champagne (of course non-alcoholic) and waited for the magic which never happened. As I got older I realised that only because the year changes on the calendar nothing will change. We have to work for it. No one has a magic wand. The changes start with you.

While I enjoy the advent vibe, I also summarise the past 12 months. You cannot create anything new without cleaning the old. We all know that we have to make space for the new in our life. First, you must be honest with yourself and organise the good and the bad. What and who do you want to keep in your life and what are the things or people you have to let go to have a fresh start? I do this usually every quarter, but before New Year’s Eve, I create a list of things I have achieved and a list of what I must release. This is hard because you have to be brutally honest with yourself. I have an amazing exercise to close the year and set up the new goals for the next. It’s only 10 steps, but it has so much power.

  1. Grab a piece of paper and on the left side write down everything that went bad or gave you discomfort. I start with the so-called negative aspects of my life because these are the things I have to release. These things will give you tears and make you feel sad, disappointed and sometimes angry. Take a day when you focus on these things and feelings. Feel everything. Even if it’s hard. Cry, if must, but don’t hold anything back.
  1. The next day write down in the middle of the paper every lesson you have learnt. Every small and big realisation about yourself, the people you love, situations, career, money, etc. Every situation that you think it was a lesson. Then sit with them for the rest of the day.
  1. Finally, on the third day write down everything that you are grateful for the past year. Same as with the negatives or with the lessons, write down every big or small thing. And sit with it for a day or two or as long as you need.
  1. Summarise. What you could do better? What do you want to let go (or who)? What do you want to keep? What is still important?
  1. Once these are done, I want you to take an empty paper and write down all the things you want to achieve during the next year. Everything. Every big and small goal. No matter what comes to your mind just write it down on the paper. The number one rule: be honest with yourself. Don’t rush. This can take days. Have fun with it. Imagine that you have all the time and money in the world… what do you want?
  1. Whenever you feel you are ready with the list categorise the items. Here are some examples of categories: family and relationships, money, career, health, self-development, spirituality, fun, wellness, etc. 
  1. Once you have your categories, choose a maximum of three items from each category. The three that are the most important to you. (If you have difficulties choosing then use the “7 Whys Method” for each goal you wrote on your paper. You grab the item and ask seven times in writing why you want that.) Now you have your list of goals for the next 12 months.
  1. The most important thing is to take a small step towards each goal. One small thing. Ask yourself  “What can I do NOW to get…?” And do it. If you want to get healthier, for example, you can grab an apple right now and eat it. If you want to go to Italy next summer, stand up and get some money from your wallet and put it in the “Italian vacation” jar. Doesn’t matter what, but do one thing right away, so your brain attaches the list with success and doesn’t get overwhelmed by the amount of work you’ll have to do during the next year to achieve all the goals you wrote.
  1. Now that we have the list and made the first step, we have another very important thing to do: schedule follow-ups. Most people have New Year resolutions but they never achieve even the 3% of the list, only because they forget the list exists.  So to avoid failure schedule a day every month when you look at goals and decide what to do next or just check the process. Look at where you are and what is still accurate or what is not so important after all. (Remember that we are changing. Some of the goals were important in January, but while we go deeper into the year, so many things happen with us and some of the items on our paper will became less important and others will be priorities.) 
  1. The last bit is to divide the goals by the 12 months. The human brain cannot focus million things at once. If you try to do that and achieve everything in 30 days, you get overwhelmed, burn out and give up. Nobody can conquer the world in one day. So be wise and divide. May to achieve some of the goals you need help, or you can do them only in the Summer or Winter time. Think and organize.

I know that all of you are so happy and proud of your list and so excited about the next year, but one thing you never forget: let it go. I know you have the perfect list and the perfect plan, why should you let go? Because life happens. Always. And if you are so stubborn and don’t let Life/God/Universe give you a better option it will be a very hard year with so much suffering. Everything is happening for a reason and you get everything you want and what meat for you at the right time. Not sooner, not later. Enjoy the process, enjoy the ride that we call life. Because if you do, much better things can come into your life than the ones you just wrote on that paper. Please keep in mind that the goals are only guides, not rules. 

Here are some of my goals for 2025:

  • Eat healthier. Less sugar and more green. (Even though I will never be a salad girl! 😅)
  • Exercise more (daily walk and pilates, plus dance is fine, but I want to ride my bicycle more often and go hiking or have Zumba back into my life.)
  • Post often on the blog
  • Keep being the best auntie possible. 😎 And spend more time with my family.

These are my main priorities for 2025. I hope these give you some ideas. 😘

SpitFire up and face all your fears and failures. Create your dream list and enjoy the ride!😘But most importantly: Have Fun!!!!!🥰

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Change your perspective

Hello Guys,

I hope you are having fun and starting to feel the Christmas spirit. Okay, I know, maybe some of you are not that much of a fan of the holidays. (Doesn’t matter I still love you all Grinches.😝) Advent season is my favourite, but staying alone under the mistletoe does not make me happy either…until now. Not because I finally kissed the right frog and became a prince…no. 😅 But something happened and changed my perspective. And that’s what I want to talk about—changing perspective.

Usually, I go to sleep quite early, but a couple of days ago I couldn’t fall asleep. So I started to dumb scroll my social media and found a video that made me think and changed my view of everything, especially my relationship status. I know, it’s a shame on me that I did not save the video or even remember the guy’s profile, but he said that every time he feels blue because he is single, he starts to imagine that what if next year this time he will be in a relationship and he will have a fight with the love of his life and he just wishes to be single again. So basically he said that he enjoys every minute of his single life because you never know when The One comes and maybe he wants to have back his life alone. Bumm!!! Hit me in the face! I have never thought about my life like this. He has done nothing just shifted the focus. 

So I started to think. I love the holidays, the decorations, the Christmas markets, the lights, smells, foods, songs (especially the songs😅), buying gifts and all the advent vibe. BUT! As a single person when Christmas Eve came and I stood alone in the mistletoe, I felt so lonely and disappointed. Even if I was with my amazing family and friends, I felt that something was wrong with me. Of course, I knew that I was fine and this was just a period of my life. Usually, when this emotion hits I start to tell myself The List (all the things only a single can do) and it helps, but this video hit me so hard. Because I thought I was positive and handled this whole “magical love is all around” thing well, but I just used toxic positivity and covered my emotions with my little list. Plus I haven’t enjoyed the last couple of Christmases as much as I could because I was too focused on the fact that I’m “alone”. I couldn’t appreciate the fact that how much I wasn’t alone. The fact that how lucky I was and I am because I have a wonderful family, both my parents are alive and healthy, and I have the best nephews ever, plus year by year I have more people I can call friends. My head was in my ass and that video finally pulled it out. I talk about gratitude here, but I wasn’t grateful at all. But that’s okay. I’ll not punish myself because I’m only a human…I’m not perfect, but I’m truly grateful that I realised these things before it’s too late. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still wish to have someone in my life who I can call my own but from now on I enjoy the advent even if I am alone because I never know when that prince finally find his white horse and rides to me. It’s good to have someone but as a single woman I do not have to play puzzle with the time and make sure that we visit his family and mine too. Plus you guys know exactly how this works…the day is good for you it’s not good for your brother’s family and the dates that are good for his family are not good for yours, and all the parents want the same date and everything is just like a business schedule. 😅🙄Not to mention the struggle with the gifts and the cooking/baking procedure. Instead, of all these hustles I go to my parent’s house before Christmas and I’ll only move from my favourite armchair when I have to eat… probably I’ll even sleep in it. 🤷‍♀️🤣 I do not have to go outside in the cold and visit anyone else. No expectations.

Everything has a bright side. So many times we don’t see it or don’t want to see it. Not always easy to find the light in the dark, I know, but there is. Always. I don’t talk about the fake positivity. If something is sucks, it’s sucks. We have to feel it but after we give it out we should change our perspectives otherwise life will just go by and in the end, we have no idea how we end up there where we will be. So many times we think we have time, but after all those years I just realised what it means that we only have the present. 

Christmas is just one thing where you can use his method. And this is not just for singles. Think about it. For example, if you really wish to have a kid, but somehow doesn’t happen instead of you becoming depressed and anxious, you can shift your focus. Like my best friend did. (P.S. She is one of the strongest women on Earth!🥰) She used the same technique without knowing she did. Now she enjoys the time with her husband and appreciates every moment. They travel a lot because they never know when the kid comes and obviously after that, they will not be able to go for a long weekend just for the 2 of them. Was it easy for her? Hell No! But it was worth it because she is glowing now. They don’t give up on the kid, but until the little angel arrives they enjoy life as it is.

Another example is if you want to change your job or find one, instead of crying and complaining, just shift your perspective. Send your CVs and cover letters but in the meantime enjoy the fact that you do not have to wake up early or dress up. You can go for a walk whenever you want or stay home and read a book. Try to enjoy these things while you search for a “perfect job” because very soon you have to go to work and maybe you will not be this free for years.

Don’t get me wrong I talked about this here in the blog but in a different view and I thought I used the focus shift and I did but never about my relationship status. 😅 But now this hit me so hard. The most important is that you never give up on what you want but until you get it trust God/Universe/The process (however you want to call it) and focus on the millions of miracles around you. Because doesn’t matter who says what, you are a miracle. Everything and everyone around us is a miracle and if we start to see Life from a different angle it delivers our dreams. But if you keep whinging about the things you do not have, guess what? You will never have them. 

So SpitFire up and look at your life from a different perspective. It’s worth it!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Kings and Queens

Hello Guys,

I know, you are so surprised to have me again in such a short time. Don’t get used to it, but this subject has been on my mind for weeks and finally decided to come out.😅 So what you will read is about gender roles and their changes. Don’t worry I will not lecture or do a whole history class just my (and some wonderful ladies’) opinion. Like always, you can agree, disagree and please question everything I say.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a class (not about gender roles, but when a bunch of fantastic women sit together on a Saturday afternoon, anything can happen), and we started talking about fairy tales and how important they are for the kids’ growth. (I study pedagogy now.)Of course, when you talk about fairy tales and are a woman in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, you first think about Disney movies. And here is where all the magic started to happen.👸

100 years ago women had only one role: stay home and wait for their prince, he would sort out everything. Translation: women don’t have the right to vote or go to work, god forbids them even thinking about studying. I’m sure every one of you saw those commercials from the ‘50,’60 and ‘70 America where they display how should look like and behave a perfect wife. (if you are interested in this subject, watch the movie Monalisa’s Smile with Julia Roberts.) In Hungary was a bit different but not so much. Men went to work gave the money to their wives and in return, the love of their life did all the housework and took care of the kids. There were men’s jobs and women’s jobs and life was happy. And fairy tales based on this ideology. 

Look at Sleeping Beauty! She falls asleep, waits until the prince has done all the work, and finally shows up and kisses her. The best life ever! (By the way, I can be the best Sleeping Beauty, I love sleeping and it would be much better to pass my time via sleeping and wait for the goddamn price to kiss me than work and stress and save myself every single day!😉) Or Snowwhite! Come on! Same story. Okay with more poison, apples and dwarfs, but she waits while her prince fights the battles. – Little Mermaid, Cinderella, etc. The list goes on and on with the same theory. Girls have to do nothing while their men do all the work. They just have to be beautiful, doesn’t even have to say a single word. (It is even preferable to shut up and just be.) Was it good? Well,  it depends on who you ask, but in my opinion, it wasn’t good like this. (And we all agreed on it in my class.)

 But honestly, that was inherited from our parents and grandparents. I remember a conversation with my beloved grandma. I introduced my (ex) boyfriend to her and asked him to bring me my coffee. My grandma was so upset about MY behaviour and she told me that I could lose the guy if I didn’t start to act like a proper woman. I asked her what she meant and she told me that a woman’s job is to take care of her man and give everything to him, not the other way around.  And she did. I remember when Granny died we didn’t find Grandpa’s socks and he had no idea where they were because Granny prepared his outfit for the day every morning. She gave him breakfast, lunch, dinner, and coffee, and cleaned his clothes. She took care of the whole house. That’s how our parents were raised: men’s jobs and women’s jobs. But what about nowadays?

Look at the fairy tales. Merida…no need for a man, she handles everything. Rapunzel… she has a prop, Flint who helps her, but she does most of the work. Elsa…no man at all, but she is the hero. And that’s what our life looks like. Women became Heros. Life has changed a lot. Now women study, have lovely careers and don’t need a man. The world turned upside down. Women are more masculine than men. We struggle because society still wants us to do the “women’s jobs”, but get a degree first and have around the same amount of money that your man takes home. If you are single you get a stamp that you are a careerist, ambitious, and too strong. And because our men have become more feminine they are “scared” of a strong woman. Why scared? Well, a strong and independent woman is her own Hero. She doesn’t need to be saved or rescued anymore. A strong woman doesn’t need a man…but wants one badly. So she kisses millions of frogs until she finds her prince and doesn’t wait for the one. (I would be so grateful if someone just let me know the exact amount of frogs that should kiss because I’m f@cking tired of kissing the animals.🤷‍♀️) But what is the problem?

Communication! I had a discussion with my friend and mentor. She told me an interesting theory and she is right. So we talked about gender differences and how we feel as single women (she is a single mother too). We agreed that the main issue is the lack of communication. If we look at our lives we can see that we are afraid to speak up because of the “what ifs”. 

“What if they do not like me if I say such and such?” “What if my boss fires me and I do not have a job and I have to find another place (which by the way you wanted to do a million years ago because it is a sh@twhole, but you are too lazy to take the time and energy to get another one.)” “What if the guy will never call or text me back if I say honestly that I do not like his style or how he treats me?” “What if I tell my Dad that it feels so embarrassing when he treats me like a kid in front of the whole family?” All those “what ifs”. So we do not say anything, just assume or expect the other one to have a minimum of a crystal ball and know what we want. 

Another thing is when we open our mouths but avoid the “hard” conversations and talk about the total bullsh@t. Seriously, when you are over 30 and you are a woman the most important question is what the guy’s favourite colour is on your first date, instead of asking his view of the future (kids, marriage, plans, goals, etc.)? I mean, yes, if you are a teenager this will be one of the most important along with his favourite food and band, but over 30???? Come on ladies!!!! You don’t talk about these because “what if I scare him away”. Guess what?! If he runs away because of these questions, he is a boy and not a man and, if you don’t want to raise someone else’s kid, he is not the one for you. Thank God you figured this out on the first date instead of on your 10th anniversary.

My friend told me something interesting. Back in the day generations lived together and great-grandparents and grandparents helped the women to raise the kids, plus they did not have to work, so they never stressed, because they had help…without asking. Later grandparents were there. When women went back to work they were there and the community had a huge role too. In villages, people knew and helped each other with everything. Nowadays generations live separately, women have the same expectations from society and no one helps or they are conditioned not to ask for help. If we ask for help we feel weak and powerless. That’s what we learn in school too. If you ask for help the other kids laugh at you and start bully (“you dumbass”) or some teachers even note that you are not clever enough. You ask help from your parents as a kid and they are either not at home or don’t have time because of their million other activities. We do not communicate our needs, especially women because we saw in Moana that we have to sort out everything alone and all the positive quotes say that we are strong and able to reach the sky alone. I see that we can do so much and much more than we can imagine on our own, but there are times when we must ask for help and that’s not a weakness, that’s one of the strongest things ever, to leave our pride and admit that we are only human.

Last but not least, my friend has a 13-year-old son. He asked her how to deal with a girl. (Cute, yeah?😊) She told him the 3 ways to be in a relationship, but the first thing she said to him is this: “You sit down and talk about how you imagine your future together. Based on the girl’s answers there are 3 ways to live in a relationship and treat her.” The problem starts here. Parents are not teaching their sons how to deal with a girl or daughters how to treat a boy. Kids don’t learn what it means to be a man or woman. How to act, talk, be one and how to deal with the other gender. We do not have a relationship or gender classes. We learn everything from our experiences and we have so many failures until we may become lucky and finally, that Frog turns into The Prince. Women and men go out to the world without knowing who they are or what are their values and how to treat each other. No boundaries, only insecurity.

So what’s the conclusion? Women don’t need to cut the grass, fix the car or take the first step with the man they are so crazy about (let him be the man), even if you can. Men don’t have to bend and do all the housework, and raise the kids by themselves (but help is a MUST HAVE) especially if they don’t want to. But if you want something, please men up and make the first move, ask her out, call her first or text her without waiting for her to text you (because she is waiting for you as she is a WOMAN). Aka. Girls, it is okay, if you let the guys help kill the dragons and guys, please get your balls back and save us even if we don’t need it, please do not let us be the Hero all the time. 

Okay, even if you are a man or a woman SpitFire up your role and live your life!😘Finally, I want to leave you with Dr. Sara Al Madani’s quote: “ Men and women are not compete with each other they complete each other.”😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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“Dearest Gentle Reader!”

Don’t worry, I will not start and never be able to copy the one and only Lady Wistledown, but this letter is addressed directly to you. (Plus I am obsessed with The Bridgertons at the moment.🤣) However, this isn’t the cause I remained silent for this long. I had to make many decisions during the past few months, including whether I wish to continue this blog. 

This blog was born because I always wanted to write a blog and continued since I moved back to Hungary to help me keep my English. But this became an update page for the lazy people around me. Many people around me started to ask when I created an update because since I moved home they know less about me than when I lived in London, simply because I posted more while I was back there. And to be honest that’s when I realised that I became a “people pleaser” again. I forget to read and use my post about this subject. ( Well, we learn until we die, I guess. 😅)

Since I started my life at home, unconsciously I came back to my old habits and old patterns which are attached to this country and the life I lived 11 years ago before I stepped foot on British soil. Even most of the people around me think that those years have not made any marks on me or worse, they simply ignore the fact that London changed me a lot, the truth is that I am not the same 23-year-old girl who left back then. So no, I will not pretend that I am she. Some things will never change such as the fact that I will always be a village girl, who speaks too much, laughs loudly and is way too sentimental, but I grow up now. And that’s something that everyone must accept. Of course, this was my fault entirely, I let them deal with me as if nothing happened in the past few years.

I decided to write in Hungarian too because I had enough of the fact that my friends asked me to do so. But honestly, I never wanted to write in my mother tongue. I wanted to improve my English when I started. This blog as I mentioned in one of my first posts is not for you who read it, it is for me who write it. Of course, I intend to help as many people as possible via my stories, and if you make an effort to read them, may or may not you get something. 

So no, I will not write in Hungarian in the future, because if you care about what is in this, you can make a small effort and use the Google Translator. And I post when I feel I have time and energy, but not when you want me to. This site will not be an update page for all the lazy ones. I understand it is easier to read what is going on in my life instead of calling, texting, messaging or contacting me in any other form of communication. I still want to help and that is still my mission with this blog, but with my own rules. I do not wish to check the stats that how many people read what I said or constantly wait for some feedback, so I feel approved, loved and precious. My psychology studies reminded me of something. Especially Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid. Maslow argued that survival needs must be satisfied before the individual can satisfy the higher needs. He said we first must satisfy the need for love and belonging or safety before we can do anything with self-actualization. Well, the only problem is that we think (most of the time we even strongly believe) that these needs can be satisfied only externally. I wanted to be loved and feel to belong so I bent my other needs and personality to fit in. And of course, the biggest lie: “ I do not want to hurt anyone.” Let me tell you something, You cannot hurt anyone and no one can hurt you, just like no one able to make you happy or loved, if you do not let them. Every level of the pyramid can and should be satisfied inside of you first and then, you can attract the external too.

I decided to live my life, write my blog and organise my time how it fits ME. If you want to be part of my journey I am so happy and you are more than welcome to read my words and hopefully get some help or at least laugh a bit about my silliness. You can write to me anytime on any platform, but I do not continue to write just for you, Dearest Gentle Reader. Those of you who are my friends or family members, I love you so much and without your support, I would be lost for sure, but if I do not post in 2 months and you want to know what is going on in my life because you care about me, please grab your “very” smart phones and drop a message, anytime. 😘

I know it wasn’t the usual Silly SpirtFiry post, but behind this screen, I am a human too. And as I always telling you: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘 

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: I hope, I will be back soon with some funny content about the Life of a Single in Hungary…trust me it matters the country and the city regarding this subject.😅 Love you all!!!

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XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Bumps on the road

Hello Guys,

I know I haven’t been active in the past few months and first I would like to apologise about this. I am so sorry, but I started another major “Life project” and I am almost finished with it (once I’ve done it, I will tell you all the details, I promise… and no, I am not moving again, this is something different. 😅), so that’s the main reason why I was in total silent.

But, I didn’t want you to think that I bailed on you or I had forgotten about my many promises, because I am not, and also I didn’t want another month to pass by without a word from me. So many nice things happened to me and I have learnt other important lessons and want to share two of them now.

Have you ever felt that December was a magical month and everything finally get it in shape, you were so happy and all of a sudden January just became total crap. Like on New Year’s Eve, someone just flipped the switch and from heaven you landed in hell? Even though you had all the New Year’s resolutions, a lovely list on a nice piece of paper, the year starts with sh@t. Well, this happened to me all the time. In almost all the 35 years I am on Earth, January became not just the longest, but the worst month of the year, after an amazing Christmas time. Like everything is against my resolutions. Until now. I think, I finally figured out the “Mistery of January”. Bumps on the road.

I know, now you are confused, so let me clear the air. 😅 (I am not crazy, or at least not worse than previously.) I thought Life/God was against me and didn’t want me to achieve my goals, so sending me all the signs in January to give up and continue to walk on the path I have been. But It has done nothing, just asked me to confirm if I am willing to do the work, even if sometimes it will be hard. It is all about our mindset. Previously, I convinced myself that these were “bad things” and that I did not deserve something better or different, but in the end, they were just bumps on the road. They are still annoying as Hell, that’s for sure, but we are the ones who can decide how we look at them. We can look at them in the way that these things are against us, or we can see them as guides. Lessons. If we do not give them the power and we only see some bumps that we can pass through, they will look less scary and more manageable. How to handle them? 

  1. Stop for a second (before you start all the drama in your head) and identify that something happened that doesn’t feel comfortable, so it is a “bump on the road”.
  2. Find what this “bump” tries to teach you, or what message it gives you. (Maybe, you have to just “confirm” that you want that thing on your list. Maybe you missed an important detail. You will know for sure. Just listen to your instincts.)

The other lesson that the beginning of the new year taught me came from my amazing friend and mentor. She told me this breathtaking example many times during the years since we knew each other, but this time I finally got it. (As Sansa Stark said in Game of Thrones: “I am a slow learner, that’s true. But I learn.” 😅) 

My friend told me that these unwanted events are nothing more than parents checking on their kids if they are sure about what they want. Like when you go to the store with your kid and let him or her choose one item. When they make their decision you as a parent ask them if they are sure about it, because they will not be able to change their mind, once you paid for the item. Sometimes you even tell them the downside of their choice too, to make sure they are certain. This is what Life does with us when we have the bumps on the road. Just asking us, if we are sure about our choice and sometimes shows us the consequences too. So next time, if you feel that everything is just pilled up, think about it as a bump on the road. Just a simple question from above. Nothing else. No one is against you, no one wants you to fail. Just a test.

In previous years I had my well-written list with all the things I wanted to achieve during the next 12 months, but for the first difficulties, I just gave up and chose the comfortable, easy way and had done nothing. I finally learnt that you cannot change or achieve anything without some discomfort. If you feel the excitement, and scares you, means that you are on your way to change, to get what you want. Because if you do the same things over and over again, you will have the same results. And the new, unknown things will terrify you, but that’s okay. As Cat said in Marry Me: “If you want something different, you have to do something different.” 

So guys trust your guts and don’t be afraid of the bumps on the road. I guarantee you that you will have them, but if you think of them as lessons and tests from the Universe/Life/God however you call it, it will be much easier to pass them. SpitFire up and good luck to identify and go through those little buggers.😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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