life – Page 2 – Spirit of Spitfire

Hello Guys,

I know I haven’t been active in the past few months and first I would like to apologise about this. I am so sorry, but I started another major “Life project” and I am almost finished with it (once I’ve done it, I will tell you all the details, I promise… and no, I am not moving again, this is something different. 😅), so that’s the main reason why I was in total silent.

But, I didn’t want you to think that I bailed on you or I had forgotten about my many promises, because I am not, and also I didn’t want another month to pass by without a word from me. So many nice things happened to me and I have learnt other important lessons and want to share two of them now.

Have you ever felt that December was a magical month and everything finally get it in shape, you were so happy and all of a sudden January just became total crap. Like on New Year’s Eve, someone just flipped the switch and from heaven you landed in hell? Even though you had all the New Year’s resolutions, a lovely list on a nice piece of paper, the year starts with sh@t. Well, this happened to me all the time. In almost all the 35 years I am on Earth, January became not just the longest, but the worst month of the year, after an amazing Christmas time. Like everything is against my resolutions. Until now. I think, I finally figured out the “Mistery of January”. Bumps on the road.

I know, now you are confused, so let me clear the air. 😅 (I am not crazy, or at least not worse than previously.) I thought Life/God was against me and didn’t want me to achieve my goals, so sending me all the signs in January to give up and continue to walk on the path I have been. But It has done nothing, just asked me to confirm if I am willing to do the work, even if sometimes it will be hard. It is all about our mindset. Previously, I convinced myself that these were “bad things” and that I did not deserve something better or different, but in the end, they were just bumps on the road. They are still annoying as Hell, that’s for sure, but we are the ones who can decide how we look at them. We can look at them in the way that these things are against us, or we can see them as guides. Lessons. If we do not give them the power and we only see some bumps that we can pass through, they will look less scary and more manageable. How to handle them?

Stop for a second (before you start all the drama in your head) and identify that something happened that doesn’t feel comfortable, so it is a “bump on the road”.
Find what this “bump” tries to teach you, or what message it gives you. (Maybe, you have to just “confirm” that you want that thing on your list. Maybe you missed an important detail. You will know for sure. Just listen to your instincts.)

The other lesson that the beginning of the new year taught me came from my amazing friend and mentor. She told me this breathtaking example many times during the years since we knew each other, but this time I finally got it. (As Sansa Stark said in Game of Thrones: “I am a slow learner, that’s true. But I learn.” 😅)

My friend told me that these unwanted events are nothing more than parents checking on their kids if they are sure about what they want. Like when you go to the store with your kid and let him or her choose one item. When they make their decision you as a parent ask them if they are sure about it, because they will not be able to change their mind, once you paid for the item. Sometimes you even tell them the downside of their choice too, to make sure they are certain. This is what Life does with us when we have the bumps on the road. Just asking us, if we are sure about our choice and sometimes shows us the consequences too. So next time, if you feel that everything is just pilled up, think about it as a bump on the road. Just a simple question from above. Nothing else. No one is against you, no one wants you to fail. Just a test.

In previous years I had my well-written list with all the things I wanted to achieve during the next 12 months, but for the first difficulties, I just gave up and chose the comfortable, easy way and had done nothing. I finally learnt that you cannot change or achieve anything without some discomfort. If you feel the excitement, and scares you, means that you are on your way to change, to get what you want. Because if you do the same things over and over again, you will have the same results. And the new, unknown things will terrify you, but that’s okay. As Cat said in Marry Me: “If you want something different, you have to do something different.”

So guys trust your guts and don’t be afraid of the bumps on the road. I guarantee you that you will have them, but if you think of them as lessons and tests from the Universe/Life/God however you call it, it will be much easier to pass them. SpitFire up and good luck to identify and go through those little buggers.😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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“Let them” theory or how to enjoy the Holiday season

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and ready for my favourite holiday of all time… yes, It’s Christmas time Baby!!! 😅

Even though since Winter arrived, we are most likely to close ourselves in the room with a warm blanket, a nice mug of hot chocolate and a movie or book, we still have to interact with people around us especially now during the holiday season. Have you ever felt that you wish you had a magic wand and change the people around you? I am sure we all had this idea once or twice… hourly. But we all know that we cannot do this. (Nope, not in a legal way for sure. 😅)

Since I relocated back to my country, I have had more interaction with people and some of them are not avoidable. But what we can do if we are not from a Harry Potter movie? Well, I found the answer… actually, Mel Robbins found the answer with her “Let Them” theory. I link you here to the entire podcast episode about this, so you can hear from her the whole thing. I mentioned her name and work so many times in this blog and the fact that the woman is brilliant and I adore her.

I heard about this theory from her a long time ago and my mentor/friend told me this in a different way, but you know how life works? You hear something, you do it, it works, and when things are good and Life flows, you forget about it and not practice it until you need it again. (Typical and absolutely wrong, but we are human, we have to make mistakes a million times to finally get them. Life!🙄)

Essentially, it’s about acknowledging that we can’t control other people and letting go of the expectations we force on those closest to us. You allow things as they are and not as you wish them to be. It is easier to say than done… I know. But it is easy. If you listen to the podcast you can have examples, but I share some of mine, how this little brain hack changed my life and especially my relationships.

So first, how to use it? Simple.

Recognize that you are in a situation where you try to control someone or something. You need to stop first and realize that you are only able to control actions or reactions to the situation.
“Let them”- accept the things/situation/people the way they are.

As I said, it is very easy and simple. How does it work? My favourite example, from my own life, is if your mother wishes to cook the holiday dinner instead of ordering from a restaurant…well, let her. (I love you Mom, you are the best! 😘) Instead of sitting around us and having fun, she does the Christmas dinner… we can just order from a restaurant, which would save time and energy for her, but this is very important for her to do it, so I have to let her be. Will I ever agree on this? Nope! But instead of arguing about this thing, I just let her do what is best for her.

Or the typical toilet seat argument… up or down? Come on?! Doesn’t matter… just let them down… or up. 😉 But we all know when colleagues go to drink after work and they do not invite you. Let them. If it is important to you to spend time with them outside of work, you can organize a drink too. I see that we are so different and we do not agree with many things, but instead of trying to change someone just let them be themselves. You can save so much time and energy by focusing on yourself and the way you like to experience this thing we call Life rather than just being upset that the people around us do not match the expectations we create.

You can also use the “Let Them” theory to let people grow and fail. I know we wish to save the once we love to fail or have experiences that are not good for them, but if we do not let them, we steal them the opportunity to grow. I am not a parent, but I am lucky enough to have them in my life, also I have friends and family members who are parents and I see they try to save us from everything. It seems they know everything better, they try to control us and it is so hard for them just to let us live our lives and experience uncomfortable things. I get it. My friends say that I am a natural-born “protector”. I try to help everyone around me and protect them from having negative experiences. It took me so long to understand that everyone has to have their lessons. That’s how they learn to protect themselves in the future.

If you feel you are jealous about someone…again, “let them”. You have to let out this feeling from you. If you are jealous, it means you are not accepting the people and the way of Life how it is, so you need to let this. You are trying to control the people around you when you feel like this.

It is important to mention that there are some areas when we cannot “let them”. Here are the exceptions:

Drinking and driving or if someone wants to do any other kind of dangerous thing. We DO NOT LET THEM!!!
Suicidal behaviour. ( I think this is something that I do not have to explain.)
Discriminate others.

The “ let them” theory is not about that we let people walk over us, we can use it for our own “safety”. Protect our feelings, save energy instead of fighting all the time and help to understand people and ourselves more. It helps us to slow down, observe our reactions, find out our triggers and even have fun.

I do recommend you listen to Mel’s podcast and follow her on every kind of social media because she is brilliant. Also, if you want more info about my mentor, send me a direct message and I’ll give you her contact.

So now go, sparkle and (Spit)Fire up yourselves for the holidays and please “let them” instead of “fight them”! 😘 And if you wish, let me know how it helped you.

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

Happy Holidays Spitfires!!!!🎄😘