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“Big men don’t cry”

Hello Guys,

I hope you are well and enjoying your time and life. Autumn’s colours are beautiful, and from the 1st of November, the Holiday season officially started. 🎄😅

So, I always write from my perspective, drawing on my own experience and that of my closest circle, and my clients are mostly women. Recently (in the past two years), I became the luckiest woman on earth because amazing, lovely and traumatised men surround me. 😅 I love all of them, but it was a huge surprise how much they care about self-development (of course, I’m their best life coach🥰), against all the assumptions, they like and want to talk about their emotions, and what kind of traumas they have. 

All the women’s magazines say that “women are from Venus and men are from Mars”. Yes, we’re so different in a million ways, but what I’ve discovered is how similar we are in our negative feelings, self-destructions or traumas. How they self-sabotage, and we do, it is very similar. And mostly, I want to talk about the beliefs that we share.

Before we start, I want to explain why I think this subject is very crucial. I have many traumas, battling with anxiety and depression, not to mention my ADHD. So I know these things first-hand. I thought I had to wear masks all the time to be loved and accepted. I saw these men around me and I was amazed by their kindness, friendship and how strong they are despite everything they had been through. As I said, I am lucky to be most of the time the only woman around them, so I am more of a “bro” to them than a woman (not for everyone and not always, though), which is absolutely fine with me, but like that, I can hear the “bro talk”. You know every girl would like to be a fly on the wall when their other half is with the guys on a boys’ night out. We think they watch football, have a beer and only talk about their favourite team, other ladies or hobbies. What else can they discuss, because they don’t talk about fashion or their feelings as we do?! At least that’s what we think.

Well, ladies, I have news, your other halves have feelings and they’re talking about it with their friends. Why with them and why not with you? Well, simply because they think they have to be strong in front of you, otherwise you will feel that they are just “crying girls”. This was one of the strongest beliefs that I heard from my friends. Let’s start.

“Big men, don’t cry”

I discussed with the “boys”, and they all said the same: “Boys are not allowed to cry”. Some heard from their fathers or other adults, which makes absolute sense. Old traditions, old wounds, old generational patterns come to the surface. However, what surprised me even more was that,  if no one told them directly, they just “knew” because if they cried when they were kids, other kids started to laugh at them. The conditioning is deeper than I thought. Men from the beginning of time were conditioned to be strong, and crying is a sign of weakness. 

Let me tell you something, crying is a release mechanism in our lives.  That’s how the kids release their frustrations, and this is the best way to let go of the energy that is no longer serving us. A good cry is actually healthy because it releases toxins from our bodies and all negative energy. If you don’t cry, you push back those emotions until you will not be able to handle them, and you will explode…if you are lucky. Researchers proved that if you don’t let go of your toxic emotions, they can pile up and can cause even cancer in your body. Nowadays, the situation is improving, and we allow our men to be emotional and we cherish their soft sides. However, I often see that if a guy is opening up, we as women feel that he is too weak and we cannot see him as a man. It is a circle on both sides. 

Women don’t make this emotional transition easier for the other gender. We want our man to be strong and do the “man’s jobs”, but also help us to clean the house. We want him to talk to us, but not too much because we feel overwhelmed by his problems, too. We want him to catch the spider, but what if he has the same trauma regarding this small animal like we do?! We cannot handle it, because we need to feel safe. Our man has to provide, but spend time with us, but not too much, because we need our own time, help, but don’t be too “womanly”…the list goes on, and on and on.

I think the solution is balance and communication. Like everywhere in life, balance and communication are the keys to a relationship as well. Give and take. That’s the basic. Give them the space to open up, to share. Also, we need to know what we want, then align with that person. Get the qualities, visions, and emotions that we want to receive in a relationship. 

“All men must be a superhero”

Obviously! That’s a must-have recruitment! (And obviously, it’s a huge, fat bullshit! 😅) Have you ever thought about the expectations of our society in a man’s eyes? I mean, we all know that a woman has to be married, have at least 1 kid and a nice career before 30, otherwise she is a spinster and “will die alone”. (Or doesn’t have a pancake from her mother!😅 Sorry, Mom!!!🤣)

But what about the men? Our society isn’t soft on them either. If a man doesn’t have a house, car, wife, at least 1 kid and a salary that can provide for the whole family, he isn’t a man, just some kind of “pathetic loser”. My guys told me that it’s still very essential that, from their salary, they provide for their family and must have a higher salary than their wives, otherwise they cannot feel man enough. If they cannot use the tools to build anything, they think less of themselves. They need to fix the tap and cut all the wood, and be a hunter, or at least go fishing, because that’s so “manly”. 

To be honest, feminism didn’t help either. I’m single and from a village, so I can shovel the snow from the porch, use a screwdriver and put a shelf on my wall, and I’m definitely able to open a jar.🤷‍♀️  But ladies, please, it will not hurt you if you ask them to open that jar, or let them do the IKEA wardrobe without a manual. 😅 I know you don’t mind having your hands dirty, but let them do it, let them be a man (unless they don’t like it when their hands are dirty…well then be a “strong woman” and help- if they ask for it!🤣 Yes, I know such a man!🤣- Sorry!! You know I love you!😅)

“Men don’t have traumas”

Nope, they are not allowed. That’s the women’s privilege. (BS😅)

Let me tell you something, because we are all human beings, we all have been kids at some point in our lives (I know, I know, there are certain people that you cannot believe or imagine that they have ever experienced joy or know what kindness means, but trust me, they were kids. 😉), and like that we all have traumas. You know why? Because every parent makes mistakes. They’re human. Humans make mistakes. Not intentionally, not because they purposely want to screw up their kids’ lives and then pay the therapist for years…no… they are just trying to do their best, because unfortunately for a human baby, we do not get a manual. Babies are not IKEA self that you have a manual and you still can f@ck up. Every parent wants the best for their kid, and they have never been parents before, so it’s the first time they’re doing it. With years, they become better. But they have pasts, too. They have generational traumas that they pass on to you. Not because they want to, but that’s what they’ve got for their parents. Your parents have beliefs from their parents or their own that condition you and your beliefs. Unless you work on yourself, you will pass them to your kids. Or you have siblings, and they just want to joke with you, but they condition you to be scared of spiders for the rest of your life…but because you are a man…well, that’s not cool. Or your parents don’t want to buy a new outfit for the masquerade, and you are a 5-year-old boy and have to wear your older sister’s Madonna costume, and you end up looking like a bad whore  (True story from a friend.😅) …that’s a trauma for life. Yet, your parents just wanted to save some money. 

No one talks about what these things can do for the long term in your life. There are obviously more serious matters, too. For example doesn’t matter your gender when you are born to a family they don’t want you, or maybe they wanted the opposite sex. You start your life as a huge disappointment to your parents, who should love you unconditionally. That’s a trauma for a life which is not gender specific. Not to mention when your teachers criticise you for something, or they give you the bad boy stamp. And we haven’t discussed the teenager dramas, the loss of the first love. I could write about the type of traumas for days. 

The conclusion is that until you become a 30-40-year-old man, you are fully insecure, don’t have self-confidence (but you will pretend like you don’t have tomorrow), you feel useless, incompetent and unworthy, which most of the men (and women) avoid, so start to use substances (or the women sometimes begin to became the gossip channel), everything just not to face the problems. 

So yes, men are traumatised too. Everyone should accept that fact and be more empathetic with others. Plus, I have some bad news…if you don’t face your problems, nothing will get better…but it can always get worse.

So, doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman. We are all human beings trying to do our best on this planet called Earth. We have more in common than we even can imagine. Listen to the guys as well. Listen and know that they have their own burdens and emotions, and let them show you the soft side, too. And guys, please let us know more; show us your emotional side too, so we can understand you better. 

No one has to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Summary of a Summer,

aka Painkillers and Distractions

Hello guys,

I hope you’re well and had an amazing Summer. I had one of a kind. And that’s exactly the subject for this time.🥰

Usually, Summer is my “battery charger”. My friends and loved ones often tell me that I’m working with solar energy. So, if the sun is shining, I’m happy and conquer the World at least 2 times per hour, but if not, it’s like someone unplugged me. That’s true most of the time, and that’s why I didn’t realise the fall. The worst part is that this period started last Spring, but I was so busy to realise that I’ve started to “use painkillers” and “distractions”, just to make sure I don’t have to deal with the “serious things”. What does it mean? I’ll explain.

Usually, I don’t like to talk about these kinds of things. Who likes to talk about their failures and falls? Yepp, no one. Especially if you’re in the care industry. But I think that’s why it’s important to tell you about my journey. 

So, if you know me, you know that I’m always busy, full of energy, very positive, cheerful, but a tough, strong and badass woman. Which is true, but what only a few of you know is that I’m so emotional and hopeless romantic. I’m a born empath, and that can be a blessing and a curse, too. I’m loyal till the end, I love with all my heart, I can be excited about anything, and that’s why I have high hopes and expectations. I thought I had learnt to get the balance, but the Universe proved that I’m so far from it. 

I’m always so high in the clouds or so low down in Hell. No middle ground. Last summer, I felt I was in balance. I felt zen and happy. That was the illusion. A lovely and so high period. I loved every minute of it and I haven’t regretted anything. So I had the same expectations for this summer, too. But Life happened. I wanted to do what I did last summer, but life hit me hard, so I had to see what I was actually doing.

I kept myself busy, but not because I had that many things to do, but because I didn’t want to face the fact that I started to please everyone around me again, just to keep the (now I know, it was only an illusion) peace. I tried to be perfect in every aspect of my life. Perfect look, style, student, employee, friend, daughter, aunt, sister, etc. You name it and I’ve done it. I’ve tried so hard to be everywhere, to “make” everyone happy. And that’s where I started to use “pankillers” and “distractions”. 

What were those? Fun! I went to parties, I met friends, I was even a fangirl on a bench for a whole summer, just to feel alive, everything but facing the fact that I started to feel tired. It was much easier to listen to other people’s problems and help them than help myself. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just felt okay and good. When I had some bad days, instead of sitting down and checking what the lesson is, what I am doing, I used one of my lovely distractions. I called a friend, went to the beach or sat and listened to my favourite songs from one of the kindest singers I know. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others, I never regret a minute of last summer, and I had a really fun time, but that lifestyle wasn’t sustainable, nor aligned with my plans.  

Last Fall, things started to fall apart, but as you know, I had my exams, so I just thought that everything was about the stress regarding the study. I believed, once I finished, I would have what I wanted, because I worked so hard for it, and everything would be calm again, just like in summer, and I could focus again on the things that “made” me happy. But nothing went according to plan, and I hit rock bottom. I was so high on positive energy, so I hit the ground so hard. But hey, I’m fine! I think that should be on my gravestone: “I’m fine!”😅 “I’m fine, and this is just a bump on the road!” “I’ve got this!”- Yep, all the cliches. And all the toxic positivity.

People think that these are enough to open someone’s eyes. Well, it’s a good thing that I’m so stubborn, like a dog with a bone, so I didn’t let go, no sit down, self-reflect…noooo…that’s not me. 😅 I shook myself, fixed my crown and continued the same journey. I didn’t realise what I was doing even during Christmas time. I love that time of the year, and I was just tired. I was exhausted from shopping, being on the go, running all the time, and juggling everything. Lessons with my students, working on the website, planning for next year, being who everyone wants you to be, but in the end, no one was happy with me or the things I‘ve done. I wanted nothing, just to sit on that bench and be summer again. 

The New Year started lovely, with another “painkiller”, but it felt good, so I gathered energy to go on, and I put all my energy into the life coaching. I was high, on the top again. I’ve met amazing and inspiring people who have helped me a lot. By summer arrived, I was so happy and proud. My students gave me so much love, and I’m so proud of all of them. But students finished, the summer hit, and everyone went on holiday. So I couldn’t be as busy as I wanted to be. 

I honestly thought about the distractions, but after May, I realised that it would be lovely, but if I continue like this, I cannot pull my head out of the sand. 

So this summer, I’ve done what I least wanted to do: I faced my fears and flaws. I’ve been sitting instead of a bench and listening to someone else (whom I wanted to listen to so badly), I was sitting in my bed or on the beach and listening to myself. It was so hard… I’m not very kind to myself, but better with others. 😅 I hit rock bottom during the process and found out things that I’ve buried so deep down, I didn’t remember that I’ve ever felt them. I re-created my boundaries because some of them were so outdated. Even I realised that time to time boundaries need to be bent or rethought. I had to accept a million things about myself and others who are so close to me. Also, I had to let go of people who were part of my life forever, but did not fit in anymore. I was disappointed more times than I can count. I felt like going back and distracting myself would be easy, but I had to “come off the painkillers” to be who I am, to move on and be calm, balanced and be happy without anyone’s approval or validations from outside of me. Now I am in a place where I am not just saying that I am fine, I honestly feel it. I still have work to do, but I am happy, without any distractions. 

It sucks!!! Trust me, it was harder than anything, but now I know my value. I know who I am and I know my worth. I don’t want to settle for less anymore, just to feel alive. If someone wants me in their life, they have to treat me as a priority and not an option. Anyone…friends, family, love, anyone. I understand the people around me, I understand where they come from, which wounds they have and why they do things the way they do. I do understand all of these things. But if I make an effort to understand them, I want them to make the same effort for me. Or the bare minimum, is that leave me alone. What you give, you get back. 

The point is that life without expectations is nice, but no one can do that. Even if you don’t expect anything from others, you expect them not to expect anything from you. And that’s a catch-22. 😉 

I think what I wanted to tell you in the end is that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to rebuild from the ground up, it’s fine to make mistakes, but check your painkillers and distractions, so you can change your life for good. As soon as you start looking for these things and start to do the work, as soon as your life will change too, and you can be the one you want to, or meant to be. Fun is a good thing and has as much as you need, just make sure that this fun is not toxic, not because you want to hide something, not just a distraction, but pure joy. I can have fun now without using it as a cover for deep wounds. 

Enjoy the last days of summer, have fun and be yourself, no matter what. Spitfire up, and if you can’t, just sit on a bench and look inside. It’s worth it! And you are never alone. I am here for you, and I am so proud of you! If you need help, just drop a message and we will figure it out together!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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Mindfulness

Hello guys,

I hope everything is going well with you. I do apologise because of the “blog-break”, but as you saw on the website, I’m a bit busy nowadays and I love that. ❤ I try to do many nice things, such as offering a free 5-question workbook. The next one is coming soon, which will help you on your self-discovery journey. 

But I’m here now to talk about an important topic, which is our health. I know this one is all over the place, and everyone is living a healthy lifestyle, and mental health is a huge topic nowadays, so the question is relevant: “What new can you tell me?” I’m not sure I can, but I believe the importance of repeating things that are valuable and can be beneficial for others. 

Since the WHO describes it very well, we all know that health is not just not being sick, but it’s feeling good in our body, mind and soul. We all know the components of a healthy life, such as a good night’s sleep, reducing stress, a balanced diet, and the list goes on. I promise I have no intention to speak about food or sleep. Also, I’ll avoid the “no drugs, alcohol or smoke” part. 

What I want to talk about is what I do every day as a life coach, which I see firsthand. This blog is positive, so today’s topic is mental health. And mindfulness. I truly believe that if someone follows a healthy diet, exercises every day, has at least 8 hours of sleep and doesn’t have any bad habits, they still can have serious health issues because of stress. Since the internet and social media are part of our everyday life, the World has accelerated, and the stress factors have increased significantly. Although companies are investing substantial amounts of money in various work-life balance activities, the burnout rates are on the rise. Why? Well, I used to work in the corporate area, and until the multimillion-dollar companies deal with their employees as robots and not humans, a weekly massage or yoga will never help. Think about it. Your company offers fresh fruits for breakfast. You took it, then you went for a company-paid 30-minute massage. When you finish with that, you sit down next to your computer, and you have 30 unread messages regarding what is wrong in the company, and everyone wants you to fix it. How would you feel? Or when you have to take your laptop with you during your holiday, just to make sure that you are reachable, and if you are, trust me, they will reach out. If they don’t, after a week of holiday, your inbox will be full, and I guarantee that when you finish with all those emails, you will feel even more tired than you left for those holidays not to mention the maternity period, especially in the UK, where, as a mother, you have to return to work after 6-8 months. However, the daycares for the kids are free after the age of 2, and the grandparents don’t live nearby or even in the same country. As a private English teacher, I work with kids and see overwhelmed and burnt-out kids every day. Be calm, be happy, be a kid, but they are in the schools until 3 pm, and after that starts the sports practices, the dance lessons, the private lessons (Maths, English, German, Biology, name it and they do it), plus the homework and we surprised when the kids are burnt-out at age 12. Not to mention the graduation periods…Jeez… they’re only 18 years old and they have so much pressure on their shoulders.

Work-life balance is just an illusion in the world. Unless you create one for yourself. I’ve been there, done that. Trust me, hard and sucks, but it’s possible. How do we start to do that?

  1. Time management is essential. The problem is that in our early years in school, we learn that everything has the same importance, which isn’t true. I don’t care if you are a student or an employee, you have to manage your time. And to do that, you must know your timeline. It means that I need 1 hour in the morning to get ready. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I cannot be 100% during the day without my 1-hour morning prep. How long do you need? Don’t try to put 2 hours’ work in a one-hour timeframe and then be stressed out because you are not done yet.
  1. Prioritise. Multitasking is a very nice and fancy world in our lives, and that’s why we are stressed. That’s what’s expected from us. But the human brain was never wired to do a million things at once, and especially not perfectly. This is the biggest BS in the modern world. Not all the subjects are equally important at school. Come on, don’t tell me that art classes have the same importance in your college application as Maths or the languages? Unless, of course, you want to be an artist, but then Maths doesn’t matter that much. Same in your workplace. Trust me, not all 100 emails have the same priority. John’s “thank you email” will not bring 1 million for the company, but if you don’t answer the biggest client’s email, it can cost that much. So forget the multitasking and prioritise regarding the importance of the company, your life, your mood on that day, your lifestyle or the period you are in it. I used to work in a bar, and my mentor told me that, and since then, I live my life like this: “Step by step, and day by day.”
  1. Delegate. I know it’s hard to say, especially if someone is a perfectionist (like me), but you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask your friends for the exam items, so you don’t have to do them. Or ask your colleagues to help you. Women!!! You don’t have to do all the housework alone. Because your spouses, partner lives in the same house, they can help as well. I don’t say that from now on our other half should do everything, but we cannot die if we ask them from time to time for some help. We will not be less super women, just more clever. Share the housework. Discuss who likes to do what and share. I have bad news: no one is a mindreader, so if you don’t ask, you will never get the help. Just ask. Remember Smarter than harder.

Once we have a bit more time, please use it to get some rest. We will not miss anything if sometimes we do what feels good for us and say no to an event, or we just delay our so-called important obligations. Have some fun. Sometimes, I sit down and brainstorm all the things that I loved to do when I was a kid, and I do at least one item from the list. Fun, joy and happiness make us feel alive. Play like the kids. 

Create boundaries and try to focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone around you. I know, I said this a million times, but still true: At the end of the day, you will be alone in your bed with your emotions. No one can feel your feelings, not even your partners, friends, family…only you. 

Summertime has so much magic regarding our mental health. Go for a walk in nature, go for a holiday, spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, take a night swim in the lake, go for a horse ride, have a picnic, take a day off and get lost in the woods, just go outside and enjoy the wonder around you. 

So SpitFire Up, and please take care of yourself. Summer is the best time of the year to create new and joyful habits.😘 And if you need more support, book a free 30-minute consultation, and we will see how to continue. ❤

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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“Mirror, mirror on the wall…”

Hello Lovelies,

I know each one of you is now confused about this sentence. And that’s okay. 😅 I’ll explain it very soon. First, I wanted to let you know that the website is still in progress with the Life Coach and Motivational speech options, but it will be available soon. Until then, if you need help because you are stuck in your life and have no idea what to do, you can contact me on the social media platforms below. Feel free to drop me a message and I am happy to help! 🥰

However, I have something to share with you. I had a conversation last week (well, not one) that just stuck in my brain or actually, the fact that the person I advised never heard about the “Mirror technique or affect”. Maybe you never heard of that or do not fully understand what it means. Don’t worry, my mentor and very good friend talked to me about the “Mirror” for years while I finally realised its true meaning. Anyway, this is one of the easiest life-changing techniques I have ever heard. “Everyone in your life is a mirror!” But is it true?🤔

Here is the good news: yes and no! But first, we need to clarify other things. Everyone who is around us is a mirror. Their behaviour, skills, and emotions resonate with our frequency. Everyone and everything has a frequency and that’s how we attract people or stuff in our life. Based on our rezonation we choose our friends, relationships even our work. Most of the time we have either a positive or negative vibe. But how is it attached to the mirror? 

For example, you have a friend, who is always complaining, that nothing is good, but he/she pretends that everything is fine. In the beginning, you became friends because you were on the same frequency. (Sorry, but that’s the harsh truth.) If you don’t start to look at him or her as a mirror, you are not bothered. You are the same, it is a beautiful relationship, but neither of you understands why things are always “bad”. Then you start to read my blog, do the tricks and hacks, I share and your frequency starts to rise and you feel more positive, you attract positive people and one day, you just release that the friend we mentioned previously became so annoying. You don’t understand what happened, but you don’t want to spend time with him or her. You feel overwhelmed after every coffee you share. And here the “mirror” comes. Why this person bothers me? What is in his/her behaviour that makes me uncomfortable? Most of the time they say that you changed and you are the one who is annoying and unreliable. You start to see that this person is gossiping all the time, negative and nothing is good. And that’s the point where you have to stop and look in the mirror. Because if it bothers you means you have something to do with those things. They reflect your behaviour and actions. Are you complaining all the time? Do you like gossiping? Are you happy and satisfied with your life? 

If the answer is yes to all those questions, you have to start working on yourself and find the root cause of your behaviour. Because no one can make you feel anything. Your feelings are yours and yours only. So if someone’s behaviour bothers you most likely you act in the same way. Maybe you think that your life is perfect, but you still find things about to complain. Why? Where do those feelings come from?

But if the answer is no to the questions, means that you have nothing to do with the other person’s actions. They are not the reflection of you. Simply they can have a bad day and they reflect their frustration on you. Or you may outgrow them. Your frequency no longer matches theirs. Maybe they are jealous of your success or the things you achieved. Or you envy them about something. 

I also advise my “clients”, the people I work with in their self-development, to first stop and take a breath. Look at the person who said or done the things that are bothering them. Is this person truly important enough to me? Even if the answer is no, the next questions are mandatory. Is this true? Do I act the way they say? If the answer is no to both questions, well you have nothing to do with the situation. But if it is yes, you have to ask other questions. Why this thing bothers me? What do I feel? Where do these feelings come from? Why do I behave this way? Can I change? Do I want to change?

After we find the answers to all those questions, we’ll be able to start to work on the solutions. No matter what you are working on, the first step is always to identify the problem. Once it is done, you need to know the root cause to start working on the strategy that leads you to the full solution. 

One more thing I wanted to tell you. Even if you sort out one problem in your life, others will come. Life never stops happening. Sometimes the same problems come back in a different form and you have to start the process again. You have to look in the mirror and do everything again from the beginning. Our behaviours, reactions, and patterns are not something that we were born with. We learnt them during our years on Earth. If you are 35 years “young” just like me, you have done something in a way in the past 35 years. That behavior will not gone in two, three, four, etc. weeks just because you work on it once. Self-development is a lifelong process. Each behaviour, emotion or pattern change depends on the person, the circumstances, the time, the environment, etc. Some of them we can get rid of in two weeks, but the deeper ones need much more time. You created them in 35 years, so they will not disappear in a second.

And yes, sometimes you need help. You need a person who can see you from the outside. Someone who just sits and listens to you without judgment, in a safe environment, where you can be yourself and everything is about you and your process. So many people said, “Why need a therapist or life coach when I have friends?” well, true, but your friends need to talk about themselves too. Most of the time they don’t want to hurt your feelings and that’s why they are not honest. They cannot see you objectively, because they are involved in your life. Plus they desperately want to help and give you all the cliche pieces of advice. Come on we all heard at least once in our life after a break up that “He wasn’t good enough for you. It’s his loss. Just let go.” Thank you, Einsteins!!!! Seriously, no kidding Sherlock?! 🙄That’s why sometimes we need help from outside of our circle.

The “mirror” technique is the best way to see ourselves. If the other person in the mirror is not who we want to see, well, we have a chance to change. But we always need to stop first and check who is the one who said that thing and what they say, because there is a possibility that we are their mirror and not the other way around. When I first heard about this, I started to monitor all my interactions with other people and I got terrified about myself. Some of them were true. I was arrogant, selfish, hysterical, bitchy, judgemental, critical, etc. And some of them had nothing to do with me. But because I heard that “Everyone is a mirror”, I started to believe that I am a terrible person. Now I know that there are moments when you are the mirror to the other person.

One last thing is crucial to talk about. Not just everyone, but everything is a mirror. So if you say that someone around you does something that you do not agree with, either you envy that thing or you do it the same way. Life/Universe/God wants to show you one of your core beliefs. Let’s say that your friend has so much money and you think, it’s easy for him or her because… Now here it is. Mirror. I want that money that easy, so I am jealous, but my core belief is that I must work hard to get a little bit of money. Or when you say “money just comes and goes” and you are surprised that the money goes all the time… Honey, of course, it goes, because you never said that it stays. See what I mean? Your friend’s lifestyle and the fact that you want this showed you the block in your life.

It’s hard to look in the mirror because shows us the truth about ourselves. But trust me it’s worth it. As soon as you accept that you are not perfect and never will be, you can start the work to become the person you want to be. You can be anyone if you want to and if you work for it. Achieving our biggest dreams is never easy, but nothing is impossible. 

As Audrey Hepburn said: “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says: I’m-Possible.”

I hope it helps you to SpitFire up, look in the mirror with pride and adore the person inside of it because everyone is imperfectly perfect. I honestly love you all!!! ❤

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Change your perspective

Hello Guys,

I hope you are having fun and starting to feel the Christmas spirit. Okay, I know, maybe some of you are not that much of a fan of the holidays. (Doesn’t matter I still love you all Grinches.😝) Advent season is my favourite, but staying alone under the mistletoe does not make me happy either…until now. Not because I finally kissed the right frog and became a prince…no. 😅 But something happened and changed my perspective. And that’s what I want to talk about—changing perspective.

Usually, I go to sleep quite early, but a couple of days ago I couldn’t fall asleep. So I started to dumb scroll my social media and found a video that made me think and changed my view of everything, especially my relationship status. I know, it’s a shame on me that I did not save the video or even remember the guy’s profile, but he said that every time he feels blue because he is single, he starts to imagine that what if next year this time he will be in a relationship and he will have a fight with the love of his life and he just wishes to be single again. So basically he said that he enjoys every minute of his single life because you never know when The One comes and maybe he wants to have back his life alone. Bumm!!! Hit me in the face! I have never thought about my life like this. He has done nothing just shifted the focus. 

So I started to think. I love the holidays, the decorations, the Christmas markets, the lights, smells, foods, songs (especially the songs😅), buying gifts and all the advent vibe. BUT! As a single person when Christmas Eve came and I stood alone in the mistletoe, I felt so lonely and disappointed. Even if I was with my amazing family and friends, I felt that something was wrong with me. Of course, I knew that I was fine and this was just a period of my life. Usually, when this emotion hits I start to tell myself The List (all the things only a single can do) and it helps, but this video hit me so hard. Because I thought I was positive and handled this whole “magical love is all around” thing well, but I just used toxic positivity and covered my emotions with my little list. Plus I haven’t enjoyed the last couple of Christmases as much as I could because I was too focused on the fact that I’m “alone”. I couldn’t appreciate the fact that how much I wasn’t alone. The fact that how lucky I was and I am because I have a wonderful family, both my parents are alive and healthy, and I have the best nephews ever, plus year by year I have more people I can call friends. My head was in my ass and that video finally pulled it out. I talk about gratitude here, but I wasn’t grateful at all. But that’s okay. I’ll not punish myself because I’m only a human…I’m not perfect, but I’m truly grateful that I realised these things before it’s too late. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still wish to have someone in my life who I can call my own but from now on I enjoy the advent even if I am alone because I never know when that prince finally find his white horse and rides to me. It’s good to have someone but as a single woman I do not have to play puzzle with the time and make sure that we visit his family and mine too. Plus you guys know exactly how this works…the day is good for you it’s not good for your brother’s family and the dates that are good for his family are not good for yours, and all the parents want the same date and everything is just like a business schedule. 😅🙄Not to mention the struggle with the gifts and the cooking/baking procedure. Instead, of all these hustles I go to my parent’s house before Christmas and I’ll only move from my favourite armchair when I have to eat… probably I’ll even sleep in it. 🤷‍♀️🤣 I do not have to go outside in the cold and visit anyone else. No expectations.

Everything has a bright side. So many times we don’t see it or don’t want to see it. Not always easy to find the light in the dark, I know, but there is. Always. I don’t talk about the fake positivity. If something is sucks, it’s sucks. We have to feel it but after we give it out we should change our perspectives otherwise life will just go by and in the end, we have no idea how we end up there where we will be. So many times we think we have time, but after all those years I just realised what it means that we only have the present. 

Christmas is just one thing where you can use his method. And this is not just for singles. Think about it. For example, if you really wish to have a kid, but somehow doesn’t happen instead of you becoming depressed and anxious, you can shift your focus. Like my best friend did. (P.S. She is one of the strongest women on Earth!🥰) She used the same technique without knowing she did. Now she enjoys the time with her husband and appreciates every moment. They travel a lot because they never know when the kid comes and obviously after that, they will not be able to go for a long weekend just for the 2 of them. Was it easy for her? Hell No! But it was worth it because she is glowing now. They don’t give up on the kid, but until the little angel arrives they enjoy life as it is.

Another example is if you want to change your job or find one, instead of crying and complaining, just shift your perspective. Send your CVs and cover letters but in the meantime enjoy the fact that you do not have to wake up early or dress up. You can go for a walk whenever you want or stay home and read a book. Try to enjoy these things while you search for a “perfect job” because very soon you have to go to work and maybe you will not be this free for years.

Don’t get me wrong I talked about this here in the blog but in a different view and I thought I used the focus shift and I did but never about my relationship status. 😅 But now this hit me so hard. The most important is that you never give up on what you want but until you get it trust God/Universe/The process (however you want to call it) and focus on the millions of miracles around you. Because doesn’t matter who says what, you are a miracle. Everything and everyone around us is a miracle and if we start to see Life from a different angle it delivers our dreams. But if you keep whinging about the things you do not have, guess what? You will never have them. 

So SpitFire up and look at your life from a different perspective. It’s worth it!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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No husband, no kids, no pancakes aka single woman’s life in Hungary

Hello guys,

What’s up? I hope you are well and enjoying the Summer. It has been a while since I last wrote to you, but contrary to beliefs, a single woman has a life too with many tasks.

And my last sentence is the main reason I’m here. What is the connection between the pancakes and the single life? Well, trust me you will understand it very soon. Let me start with a story from a couple of months ago. So I asked my Mom to make pancakes for me. Of course, she said yes, but something always happened so I left without pancakes. (I know I can do it for myself and why am I waiting for my mother to do this for me? But trust me, it is much better if I do not even start the pancakes…anything else but this food. 😅) Later on, it seemed that the stars were aligned, and I could eat this delicious dessert…but something happened again…my mother asked my sister-in-law what she wanted to eat (because our family gathered together again) and said something else. 

Now I want to stop here for a second before any misunderstanding happens. I love my sister-in-law and I love the food she suggested, plus my mom didn’t say yes to her on purpose or because she disrespected me or she put anyone above me. Life just happened and mom forgot that she promised the pancakes to me. So you can ask what is the issue then? The “issue” was that my amazing mother told me when I confronted her that “your sister-in-law carries my next grandchild”. It makes sense and I agree, but a few months earlier my dad told me that he could not ask my brother about something (that I totally forgot and not even relevant) because my brother has his family and he has a life. I told my dad that even though I do not have a family of my own I have my life too. But he said that’s nothing, you do not have a life until you have your own family. 

And these two events made me think. So if I read this situation correctly, if you do not have a husband and kids, you do not have a life aka you have time and energy to do everything that everyone wants and your vote will count next time whenever you get at least a boyfriend next to you. Hmm. Interesting.🤔😅 It seemed that I had to get pregnant to get my pancakes.😱😅

I started to think and recognise some basic truths about how your family, friends and the people around you usually see you in Hungary (especially in the countryside) if you are 35 years old, a woman and single. First I want to clarify some things. There are two types of singles. 

  • The ones who chose to be single. They do not want family, kids or the complications that even a relationship could cause. 
  • And there is another type (just like me), life happened. They want to have a family, kids and all the other things, but Life hasn’t given it to them yet. They are not single by choice. 

And the biggest problem is that no one makes an effort to ask you which single group you are in. Most people don’t even realize that types exist. They just automatically assume that you chose to be single. This is what you want. 

When I used to live in London, no one cared. Why would they? 10-12 million people in the city, and nothing new under the sun. I wasn’t the only one who didn’t have a relationship. The age is crucial in this subject. If we lived in the Bridgerton era, I would be called a spinster… well, I am called the spinster nowadays too (totally like Bridget Jones).🤣 Anyway, in London, no one cares if you go to the Mall in your pyjamas on Sunday afternoon, so obviously they care less about your marital status?!

BUT in Hungary… different. ( I know if I lived in a big city here in Hungary would be easier too). Big city, with millions of people, so no one knows you. In Hungary, the whole country’s population is less than the number of people living in London. It means that everyone in the country knows everyone or at least some who knows someone, who knows at least one of your relevant.🙄 And we Hungarians are very judgy. We judge everything and everyone. The social expectation in the countryside is that you have to be married, have at least one kid, your house and car in your garage before the age of 30. If you are at least not married before you hit the third X and you are a woman… you better dig your grave and wait for death, because “you will die alone”. (Or at least that’s what they say.)

So here are some of the latest examples I have heard regarding my marital status from my beloved circle:

  1. “Something is wrong with you! You are too picky, you are not good enough or you are way too strong so every man just runs away from you.”- I do not even want to comment on this. 😂
  2. “We are worried because kids are the meaning of life.” I love the kids and I wish to have one, but still, I think my life has a purpose without them too. Maybe I am wrong. 🤔
  3. “There aren’t many decent guys left at your age, you cannot be picky otherwise you will never get married. (and die alone)” Again, I wish to get married one day, but I rather live alone than be in a toxic relationship just to be married and have kids, so our society accepts me. No one can make you happy, you are the one who is responsible for your happiness. Plus not everyone is that lucky to find her/his other half 10-15 years ago and live happily ever after. (At least not that much I know.)
  4. “You need a husband, a house, a kid, a dog and a car, so your life can be happy.”- No one ever asked me what makes me happy. Some people are happy alone. Some of us are just happy if we can travel instead of changing diapers.

These are just the few sentences I have to hear. Getting a boyfriend is not easy. It is not like I go to Tesco and buy one. I do not choose to be single. Life happened. I had relationships, I had my heart broken and during the pandemic, I closed myself and now I try to open up again. If you ever had a heartbreak, you know it is hard to get out and trust again. However, I try, to give everyone a possibility. I do not search for a boyfriend, husband or anything… he will come whenever it is the time. (Well, if not then I inherit everything to my nephews. 😅) I am fine as it is, to be honest. But I am sharing with you my last two experiences (just to support my claim)…since these two men, I care less about dating than ever. 

  1. He is a lovely guy, so nice and kind. However, after 2 days of talking on the phone (not even meeting), he told me that his goals are for this year to get married and have a kid. (It was in the middle of February). – I mean, I want these things but NOT TOMORROW!!!!!🤣I am not desperate. Plus this is another important thing to mention, that there is a difference between wanting a kid or a family. I do not want a kid just to have one and thick on my list… I want a family with a partner to grow together and support each other. 

Also, this guy told me, he would give his salary to his wife, but he wants her to clean, wash the dishes, cook, do the laundry, etc. But in return, he will do the “men’s jobs”.- I can cut the grass too, thank you. I am not a feminist and I want the guys to open the door for me but to share the housework (men and women work too) is basic with me. I do not wish to be anyone’s maid. 

  1. This last one wasn’t even a date or anything. The guy liked me so much and he couldn’t be more obvious even if he would try to. We met at my friend’s house and for the whole evening, he just talked about how beautiful my eyes are and how lovely my smile is, etc.- So the point is that he was cute, but he doesn’t like to take care of personal hygiene. No more explanation… I do not even want to go into this. Let your imagination work. 

So after these two I “gave up”.😅 Trust me there were more interesting stories, but a woman never gave out all her secrets. Maybe I am picky, but to me personal hygiene, nice talk about various things or not dealing with me as an object is important. I am not perfect. I have millions and millions of defaults. My teeth are not straight, I have a couple of wrinkles, I am chubby during the winter, I am also stubborn, loud, passionate and very moody, but I know my values. 

Even though it is annoying to listen to people’s judgement, I do not care. Don’t get me wrong it bothered me and I felt I was nothing and no one… I even started to feel depressed again, but I stopped and started to think and then I realized something that I always tell you guys: At the end of the day doesn’t matter what people think of you until you are happy with yourself and your life. And I am. I am not where I thought I would be at my age, but I am happy with what I have. I have plans, goals and dreams, just like everyone else. What will happen next I am not sure. I have no idea how my life will be in 5 years, but I do not let other people’s noise get into my head and destroy the good things in my life.

So being single or married, divorced or in a relationship, doesn’t matter your material status, the only thing matters the most is that how you feel about yourself and your life.

SpitFire up and enjoy this period of your life because you never know what tomorrow will bring.🤗

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

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“Let them” theory or how to enjoy the Holiday season

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and ready for my favourite holiday of all time… yes, It’s Christmas time Baby!!! 😅

Even though since Winter arrived, we are most likely to close ourselves in the room with a warm blanket, a nice mug of hot chocolate and a movie or book, we still have to interact with people around us especially now during the holiday season. Have you ever felt that you wish you had a magic wand and change the people around you? I am sure we all had this idea once or twice… hourly. But we all know that we cannot do this. (Nope, not in a legal way for sure. 😅)

Since I relocated back to my country, I have had more interaction with people and some of them are not avoidable. But what we can do if we are not from a Harry Potter movie? Well, I found the answer… actually, Mel Robbins found the answer with her “Let Them” theory. I link you here to the entire podcast episode about this, so you can hear from her the whole thing. I mentioned her name and work so many times in this blog and the fact that the woman is brilliant and I adore her. 

I heard about this theory from her a long time ago and my mentor/friend told me this in a different way, but you know how life works? You hear something, you do it, it works, and when things are good and Life flows, you forget about it and not practice it until you need it again. (Typical and absolutely wrong, but we are human, we have to make mistakes a million times to finally get them. Life!🙄)

Essentially, it’s about acknowledging that we can’t control other people and letting go of the expectations we force on those closest to us. You allow things as they are and not as you wish them to be. It is easier to say than done… I know. But it is easy. If you listen to the podcast you can have examples, but I share some of mine, how this little brain hack changed my life and especially my relationships.

So first, how to use it? Simple.

  1. Recognize that you are in a situation where you try to control someone or something. You need to stop first and realize that you are only able to control actions or reactions to the situation.
  2. “Let them”- accept the things/situation/people the way they are.

As I said, it is very easy and simple. How does it work? My favourite example, from my own life, is if your mother wishes to cook the holiday dinner instead of ordering from a restaurant…well, let her. (I love you Mom, you are the best! 😘) Instead of sitting around us and having fun, she does the Christmas dinner… we can just order from a restaurant, which would save time and energy for her, but this is very important for her to do it, so I have to let her be. Will I ever agree on this? Nope! But instead of arguing about this thing, I just let her do what is best for her.

Or the typical toilet seat argument… up or down? Come on?! Doesn’t matter… just let them down… or up. 😉 But we all know when colleagues go to drink after work and they do not invite you. Let them. If it is important to you to spend time with them outside of work, you can organize a drink too. I see that we are so different and we do not agree with many things, but instead of trying to change someone just let them be themselves. You can save so much time and energy by focusing on yourself and the way you like to experience this thing we call Life rather than just being upset that the people around us do not match the expectations we create. 

You can also use the “Let Them” theory to let people grow and fail. I know we wish to save the once we love to fail or have experiences that are not good for them, but if we do not let them, we steal them the opportunity to grow. I am not a parent, but I am lucky enough to have them in my life, also I have friends and family members who are parents and I see they try to save us from everything. It seems they know everything better, they try to control us and it is so hard for them just to let us live our lives and experience uncomfortable things. I get it. My friends say that I am a natural-born “protector”. I try to help everyone around me and protect them from having negative experiences. It took me so long to understand that everyone has to have their lessons. That’s how they learn to protect themselves in the future.

If you feel you are jealous about someone…again, “let them”. You have to let out this feeling from you. If you are jealous, it means you are not accepting the people and the way of Life how it is, so you need to let this. You are trying to control the people around you when you feel like this.

It is important to mention that there are some areas when we cannot “let them”. Here are the exceptions:

  1. Drinking and driving or if someone wants to do any other kind of dangerous thing. We DO NOT LET THEM!!! 
  2. Suicidal behaviour. ( I think this is something that I do not have to explain.)
  3. Discriminate others.

The “ let them” theory is not about that we let people walk over us, we can use it for our own “safety”. Protect our feelings, save energy instead of fighting all the time and help to understand people and ourselves more. It helps us to slow down, observe our reactions, find out our triggers and even have fun.

I do recommend you listen to Mel’s podcast and follow her on every kind of social media because she is brilliant. Also, if you want more info about my mentor, send me a direct message and I’ll give you her contact.

So now go, sparkle and (Spit)Fire up yourselves for the holidays and please “let them” instead of “fight them”! 😘 And if you wish, let me know how it helped you. 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

Happy Holidays Spitfires!!!!🎄😘

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

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Appreciate small things

Hello, hello

I hope you enjoying the Fall. Here in Hungary, we are so lucky as the weather is still sunny and above 20 degrees, so it feels more like late Summer than Fall, but the leaves are starting to fall down and change their colours.

And that’s how I ended up with this subject. This Summer in London wasn’t the nicest. It was chilled, windy and not as hot as expected (at least not much above 20 degrees and definitely not enough sunshine for me). So when I relocated to Hungary, I expected, I would feel hot again next Summer, but I was wrong. Since I came home (end of August) the weather has been incredible just like my mood. My friends and family often joke that I am working with solar energy, because if the Sun is up and the temperature is around 20 Celsius, I can conquer the World two times a day, but if not… Well, I am grumpy and feel low energy. I just wish to stay at home and relax the whole day. 

I started to feel happier and grateful for small things. I didn’t realise in the past years how much weather affects ME. Of course, I knew, because there are millions of studies about the amount of daily light and all the connections between this and our energy level and how it affects our performance. However, I just noticed that I am calmer and things that bothered me, now really don’t matter any more. Because I feel better I started to notice small things. Like how grateful I am because of the weather or how lucky I am that I can bake again. ( That’s one of my relaxing states, but this is a story for another day.) I can walk in nature, see the Balaton, eat delicious food, my bicycle, the shops and the kind strangers. But mostly for the fact that I am with people I love. 

I am happy that I can see my family and friends whenever I wish to see them and I do not have to count days and calculate my holidays. I finally live my life… I finally have a life again. I do things I love and be with the people I love the most. That’s my definition of HAPPINESS. I am sure this word means other things to each one of us. What I realised during these past months is that I can have the best job ever, I can live in the most bubbling place in the world, I can have all the money (this is still one of the most important and who says money does not make you happy, trust me, that person has never been poor), without sharing with my loved once means nothing.

So basically what I wish to say today is that I need to be surrounded by people I love and when I have this, I can see the small things and be grateful. Honestly feel the appreciation and not just saying or writing. If you ever heard “fake it until you make it”, you know what I mean. Most of the big motivational speakers, positive gurus or anyone who tried to be a bit positive heard that. Just start to count and write your blessings and you will feel it soon. I did it for years. Every day I wrote in my diary or notebook the things, people, places, and everything that I can be grateful for in the past 24 hours. Monthly I wrote a list about everything, from the water to the air why I was grateful, but most of the time I felt nothing. Or if I felt anything, it was when something really good happened. For sure after a bit of time, I started to notice the small things, like a nice cashier and made me feel a bit better, but somehow most of my days I felt empty. On my bad days, I felt anxious and depressed, even if the cashier was the nicest person ever or if I had my favourite cake from my favourite place. Don’t get me wrong, because I know that bad days are important and it is perfectly normal if I am not happy all the time, but something was missing. I wasn’t surrounded by people I truly loved and I tried to force the gratitude. I forced myself to feel something with all those lists. I don’t say stop doing it, because they are useful, but if you don’t feel something, please leave it for the next day. If you write every day for hours and after the first 30 things (including your favourite activities or people) still feel empty, just leave it. Go back and start again the next day. My suggestion is that if you skip 3 days and still feel nothing, please sit down and try to find the root of the problem ( or ask for help, from friends, a therapist, or anyone you trust). But if you feel gratitude, feel the appreciation and you forget to write them, don’t worry, it’s okay if you live your life you do not have time to document every moment of it, the most important is the feeling.

And trust me the small things will be the most important. Such as your kids went to school on time and you weren’t in a rush. Or when you have time to drink your coffee before work while you are sitting on a bench in a park. Or the time you could spend with your family, the lovely weather in October. It could be anything.

My favourite “small things” from the last couple of months were the birthdays I managed to attend, the goodnight hugs from my loved ones, the games with my nephew ( I love the slides on the playground), the fireworks with my parent in Szigetvár, the morning sticky notes from my Mom when I was there, the mother-daughter days, the chats with my Dad in our garden, the furniture shopping and build up, the grapes, the view, the Balaton, the fact that I made it, I am home. I could tell you a million other things, but what I appreciate the most is that I FEEL the gratitude, I FEEL the love, I FEEL I am alive.

So please go out and FEEL the life, not just document it and if I ever can help with anything, please send me an email or message me on any social media platform and I am happy to SpitFire you up!

Be happy and don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero. Also, follow me on at least one of the below. 😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Zrínyi Days- Szigetvár

Hello Guys,

I hope you had a nice couple of weeks since my last post “Moved On”.

As I mentioned, I would like to introduce you to my “home town”, Szigetvár and its biggest event the Zrínyi Days. I was born in this small town, however, I grew up and my parents still live in a small village next to it. 

Szigetvár is in Baranya county, South-west Hungary, only 25-30 km far from the Croatian border. Around ten thousand people live in this place. This small town was significant during the 1500 years when Sultan Suleiman The Magnificent tried to conquer the world. His way was during my little town and in 1566 he attacked the fortress. Long story short, the head of the fortress Nicholas Zríny with only 2500 soldiers held the fortress for 34 days against the around fifty thousand Ottoman army. On 7th September 1566, when the fortress was on fire and Zríny could not hold it anymore, instead of surrendering, at dawn he and his only 300 soldiers left, he ran out of the fortress and they died as heroes. The Ottomans had a huge loss during the siege of Szigetvar and even when they got the fortress, the Sultan died and they had to retreat to the South, so their expedition to Vienna during Buda failed and they only could try to do it again in 1687, more than hundred years later. And that’s why Szigetvár celebrates every single year at the beginning of September the Zrínyi Days in honour of the heroes who died in the battle.

Since 1833 every year the town has organised these event series. There were several programs this year too. Including memorial ceremonies, theatres, concerts, gastronomical, children and tradition-keeping programs. Doesn’t matter how old are you, you will find something interesting. The program series started on 7 September and ended with the traditional fireworks on 10 September. The programs are around the whole city. The concerts took place in the city centre, the Zrínyi square, the theatres were in the Vigadó building, and the Attach was around the fortress. On Castle Street these days you can buy the best quality Hungarian handmade products, but if you love the funfair, you won’t be disappointed. There were so many folklore groups, Croatians (as Zríny wasn’t just Hungarian, he was also a Croatian Ban), Szigetvár has a brother town in Turkey too, therefore their tradition keepers came to visit and of course Szigetvár’s two Zrínyi folklore groups. On the last day of the program series after noon in every hour, you could hear an arsenal. Every hour as many shut as many hours until 8 pm when the ending ceremony started after the last gunfire.

I remember when I was a kid we always waited these days, especially Sunday’s closing day. Everyone around the town gathered together. The kids could watch the “battle” and after that, we had some chimney cake or cotton candy. But the most amazing was the closing ceremony. Everyone gathered together in the fortress, we listened to our National Hymn, the mayor had his speech, and when everyone was done, the “magic” started… the fireworks. It wasn’t as huge as the bonfire night at Alexandra Palace or the New Year’s Eve fireworks in London, but it was always the best because the family and friends were together.

After almost eleven years in London, I could visit the Zrínyi days and guess what… still these small fireworks are the most amazing, but this year it was special to me because it wasn’t just the closing day of the Zrínyi Days…nope… because it was the closing event of one of the most amazing weekend I could spend with my family without the nervousness that I have to leave them and with the feeling that I’ve made it. I made it to be there on my nephew’s first birthday and I made it to be there on my brother’s 30th birthday. Also, I made it to be there for the fireworks. I know it sounds cheesy, but this is the truth, We do not appreciate anything enough the small things in our lives… that’s why in my next post, I will bring up some small, but very important things from my life and talk about the differences between my lovely little village and London.

However, if you wish to know more about Szigetvár, trust me there are some programs and places to visit during the year, (even if there are no Zrínyi Days) such as the museum and the Turkish mosque in the fortress, the thermal bath, theatres or even just a few kilometres the Villányi wine yards, you can visit the town’s website here. 

I hope you enjoyed it and you will consider SpitFire up my little town in the future (Let me know if you coming and I am more than happy to guide you.) 😉

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero. Also, follow me on at least one of the below. 😘

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Let’s move on

Hello Guys,

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the Summer. First I would like to apologise for the fact that I haven’t posted for a while now. I promise I have a very good reason and I will share it with you in this post.

I mentioned earlier that I´m working on a “big project”…well after more than 10 years living in London, I decided to relocate back to Hungary at least for a year. I know, it is shocking.😅 However, after soo many discussions with family, friends, and people I usually listen to, I decided that this is the best for me at the moment (or at least this is what I feel is the best). Lately, my friends are moved back to their countries, life in London changed a lot after the pandemic and my last visit at home during Christmas time woke me up. 

I usually wait for two things in the year and these two things are my holidays at home with my friends and family. I am the happiest when I am surrounded by them. I am laughing more, I feel better and I feel alive. 

My life in London became just a huge waiting time, while I have done nothing just worked, came home, eat, took a shower and sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is my fault, but still, I was always tired and anxious. I became depressed, even though I had a nice career, and friends and I loved my life in London, I felt sad and lonely. Then I realised, I must change… drastically. First of course I had to start the change in my head and slowly turn my anxiety to hope, but still, I felt something is missing. I was wondering for years if I go back is just a run from my life, but after I moved into a nice place, I had a nice job and nice friends, I still felt this pull… the pull I haven’t felt in 10 years… the one that says, now you need to go and try. No matter what it will be, if you don’t try, you will regret it forever.

So I decided to relocate to Hungary. Why do I say relocate and not “move”? Simple brain hack. My anxiety and depression kicked in when one of my best friends at home ask me The Question: “So do you now move back to Hungary FOREVER?” Well… I started to sweat, I couldn´t bread, I felt I will die for sure… then I started to think… Do I want to move back forever? What if I change my mind? Do they all will be disappointed? Do I need to stay? What if I will change my mind? What if I will not like it after a year? All these questions just came into my mind at once… I felt tired, overwhelmed and to be honest, I just realised that I do not wish to move anywhere FOREVER. But I will buy a one-way ticket to Hungary and all my stuff will be transferred back… so technically, I will move back… and then I started to question everything (I know, again)… Is it really what I want or it is just an escape from my life? 

In the end, I figured out that nothing last FOREVER. I do not HAVE TO do anything. And my brain loves the idea that I go back for at least a year and once the year ends, I will see how I feel. I have a fully settled status in the UK, so in the next 5 years, I can come back anytime. My landlady and her family love me, so she said my flat will be available for me always, no matter who will live in it, they will take it out for me, and my workplace offered the same. 

So finally I decided to try. It wasn´t that quick and easy decision like it was 10 years ago to move here. First I started to think about it 4-5 years ago, we had soo many discussions with my friends here and there too about it, but in the end, I have two (a million others as well) very strong reasons why I do this: 

  1. As I mentioned in the previous post What is your “why”? My biggest why is my nephew. It was always hard to leave behind my friends’ kids, my parents, and my friends, but when I had to handle back my (at that time) 4 months old nephew…my heart was broken. I don´t want to be the aunty who just sending sh@ts and never there. I want to be there for him and never miss any birthdays or Easterns or any other occasions.
  2. At some point, everyone has to grow up and take responsibility. I can live in London and years just come and go and I will be in the same place in my life as I was last year or the years before. My life in London is an extended teenage life. I am having fun, I have money to buy sh@ts, and I have a job, but at the end of the day, most likely I am alone. Almost everyone important to me is in Hungary or will be.

I love my life in London and possibly I will come back or I will go and live somewhere else in the World, but at the moment I feel I need to go home for a bit and see how it will work (or not) for me after more than 10 years living in abroad. 

So I will continue to write blog posts, don´t worry, just not that often until the end of August. But I do not wish you to miss my moving fun, I want to include you guys, so I am working on making short videos and uploading them here, on YouTube and all the social media platforms, so please follow the Spitfires. Also, I am planning to do some mini-courses about mental health, motivation and positive life set later this year, so please just stay with me. During my videos, I also concur with my fears (my first fear is to upload my first video and see how you like me or don´t) and also give you some tips regarding moving out of the UK with a positive mindset of course. Obviously from the end of August, I will show you places in Hungary. I will move next to Hungary´s biggest lake, called Balaton, so I will have enough to share with you and we will continue our positive SpitFirey journey together, only my physical location will change.

Last, but not least, I would like to thank you for all your support here on the blog and on the social media platforms too in the last few years. Hopefully, these videos will help me not just keep my English, but get to know you guys better. 

I will bring the first video soon, but until that, please remember: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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