Tag: love yourself

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Hello guys,

I hope everything is going well with you. I do apologise because of the “blog-break”, but as you saw on the website, I’m a bit busy nowadays and I love that. ❤ I try to do many nice things, such as offering a free 5-question workbook. The next one is coming soon, which will help you on your self-discovery journey. 

But I’m here now to talk about an important topic, which is our health. I know this one is all over the place, and everyone is living a healthy lifestyle, and mental health is a huge topic nowadays, so the question is relevant: “What new can you tell me?” I’m not sure I can, but I believe the importance of repeating things that are valuable and can be beneficial for others. 

Since the WHO describes it very well, we all know that health is not just not being sick, but it’s feeling good in our body, mind and soul. We all know the components of a healthy life, such as a good night’s sleep, reducing stress, a balanced diet, and the list goes on. I promise I have no intention to speak about food or sleep. Also, I’ll avoid the “no drugs, alcohol or smoke” part. 

What I want to talk about is what I do every day as a life coach, which I see firsthand. This blog is positive, so today’s topic is mental health. And mindfulness. I truly believe that if someone follows a healthy diet, exercises every day, has at least 8 hours of sleep and doesn’t have any bad habits, they still can have serious health issues because of stress. Since the internet and social media are part of our everyday life, the World has accelerated, and the stress factors have increased significantly. Although companies are investing substantial amounts of money in various work-life balance activities, the burnout rates are on the rise. Why? Well, I used to work in the corporate area, and until the multimillion-dollar companies deal with their employees as robots and not humans, a weekly massage or yoga will never help. Think about it. Your company offers fresh fruits for breakfast. You took it, then you went for a company-paid 30-minute massage. When you finish with that, you sit down next to your computer, and you have 30 unread messages regarding what is wrong in the company, and everyone wants you to fix it. How would you feel? Or when you have to take your laptop with you during your holiday, just to make sure that you are reachable, and if you are, trust me, they will reach out. If they don’t, after a week of holiday, your inbox will be full, and I guarantee that when you finish with all those emails, you will feel even more tired than you left for those holidays not to mention the maternity period, especially in the UK, where, as a mother, you have to return to work after 6-8 months. However, the daycares for the kids are free after the age of 2, and the grandparents don’t live nearby or even in the same country. As a private English teacher, I work with kids and see overwhelmed and burnt-out kids every day. Be calm, be happy, be a kid, but they are in the schools until 3 pm, and after that starts the sports practices, the dance lessons, the private lessons (Maths, English, German, Biology, name it and they do it), plus the homework and we surprised when the kids are burnt-out at age 12. Not to mention the graduation periods…Jeez… they’re only 18 years old and they have so much pressure on their shoulders.

Work-life balance is just an illusion in the world. Unless you create one for yourself. I’ve been there, done that. Trust me, hard and sucks, but it’s possible. How do we start to do that?

  1. Time management is essential. The problem is that in our early years in school, we learn that everything has the same importance, which isn’t true. I don’t care if you are a student or an employee, you have to manage your time. And to do that, you must know your timeline. It means that I need 1 hour in the morning to get ready. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I cannot be 100% during the day without my 1-hour morning prep. How long do you need? Don’t try to put 2 hours’ work in a one-hour timeframe and then be stressed out because you are not done yet.
  1. Prioritise. Multitasking is a very nice and fancy world in our lives, and that’s why we are stressed. That’s what’s expected from us. But the human brain was never wired to do a million things at once, and especially not perfectly. This is the biggest BS in the modern world. Not all the subjects are equally important at school. Come on, don’t tell me that art classes have the same importance in your college application as Maths or the languages? Unless, of course, you want to be an artist, but then Maths doesn’t matter that much. Same in your workplace. Trust me, not all 100 emails have the same priority. John’s “thank you email” will not bring 1 million for the company, but if you don’t answer the biggest client’s email, it can cost that much. So forget the multitasking and prioritise regarding the importance of the company, your life, your mood on that day, your lifestyle or the period you are in it. I used to work in a bar, and my mentor told me that, and since then, I live my life like this: “Step by step, and day by day.”
  1. Delegate. I know it’s hard to say, especially if someone is a perfectionist (like me), but you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask your friends for the exam items, so you don’t have to do them. Or ask your colleagues to help you. Women!!! You don’t have to do all the housework alone. Because your spouses, partner lives in the same house, they can help as well. I don’t say that from now on our other half should do everything, but we cannot die if we ask them from time to time for some help. We will not be less super women, just more clever. Share the housework. Discuss who likes to do what and share. I have bad news: no one is a mindreader, so if you don’t ask, you will never get the help. Just ask. Remember Smarter than harder.

Once we have a bit more time, please use it to get some rest. We will not miss anything if sometimes we do what feels good for us and say no to an event, or we just delay our so-called important obligations. Have some fun. Sometimes, I sit down and brainstorm all the things that I loved to do when I was a kid, and I do at least one item from the list. Fun, joy and happiness make us feel alive. Play like the kids. 

Create boundaries and try to focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone around you. I know, I said this a million times, but still true: At the end of the day, you will be alone in your bed with your emotions. No one can feel your feelings, not even your partners, friends, family…only you. 

Summertime has so much magic regarding our mental health. Go for a walk in nature, go for a holiday, spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, take a night swim in the lake, go for a horse ride, have a picnic, take a day off and get lost in the woods, just go outside and enjoy the wonder around you. 

So SpitFire Up, and please take care of yourself. Summer is the best time of the year to create new and joyful habits.😘 And if you need more support, book a free 30-minute consultation, and we will see how to continue. ❤

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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XOXO,

Krisz😘

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3 Steps to stop being a “people pleaser”

Hello,

One week ago I wrote about how I burnt out and started to “come back” as usual. I shared my 4 steps to begin the journey, however, if you do not find the root cause of your burnout, it will return. It can be millions of reasons why, but that’s something, you will have to find out for yourself (remember: sit down and just ask questions, and your brain will answer). What I wanted to talk about today is one of the most common reasons, what I saw in my inner circle…and that’s my friends: people pleasing. 

What is “people pleasing”? Well, did you ever experience someone asking you something, someone who is important in your life (can be a family member, your boss, a friend, doesn’t matter) and you really didn’t want to do that thing, but you did it anyway? That’s “people pleasing”. You know when you feel you need rest, but your mother calls you to go to the family dinner on Sunday, while your plan was just to be in your bed and watch Netflix. Or, when you do not want to dress up to go to the shop, but you do it anyway, because of what the people will say in the village. Or, you do not have time and capacity to do another task, but when someone asks you, you do it anyway, because you want them to like you. When you push yourself and your needs in front of another (not because you want to, only because you feel you have to), that is “people pleasing”. Or trying to be perfect.

(Let’s make something clear.  We don’t talk about the situations when your parents or partner ask you to take out the rubbish or clean your room/house or the cooking is your turn… that’s laziness and you know it, so I just want to make sure that this post will not be an excuse next time when they will ask you.😅)

Why do we do that? Why do we want to be perfect for everyone around us?  First thing first, we all do that from time to time, (someone more often than others), so don’t be hard on yourself. Based on my experience, based on my and other people’s research (listen to Mel Robbins’s podcast about it, or read her book, just to mention one person who is an expert on this subject) we all do it because of our fears. 

From what do we fear? They will not accept us, they will judge, their opinion, how they will see us, etc. We can call it how we want, but guess what? We all basically want to be loved. So we do everything to make sure that people will love/like us. We try to be perfect, we pretend that we are who we are not, just to make sure that we make others happy, so we can get their love. You are afraid to say NO because you will feel guilty that you put yourself in front of others. Because in our society there are 2 types of people: either selfish or people pleaser. No middle way. You want to make sure that everyone gets what they want around you, so they are happy and they love you. Let me tell you something. This is absolutely my experience. BULLSHIT! If someone loves you, will love you even if you say no sometimes. These people will love you no matter what and the funny part is that they want you to be happy just as much as you do want them to be happy. So if you do what they ask but in the meantime, you are exhausted, anxious, and depressed, they will not be happy, because they cannot see the happiness in your eyes. 

I read this, heard this, and watched this so many times and in so many places, but for me, this was one of the most important lessons I have learned in my life: If you are not happy, you are not able to make others happy. First, you have to be happy, so you have happiness in your heart and you can give it to others. You cannot give something that you don’t have. Do you want your kids, family, your partner, your friends, your boss, your colleagues, and your neighbors to be happy? Be happy first and they will be happy because you are happy and if you are happy you are able to give love. It will not work in the opposite way. Your “love tank” needs to be full first.

Okay, I know now so many of you say “yes, but in this case, we will be selfish”. Yes, you have to be a bit. But my opinion of taking care of ourselves until we do not hurt others is just self-care. You have to take care of yourself and love yourself to be able to live and give it to others, so if you don’t make any damage to others, is it really selfishness or is it self-care? You see, huge difference.

Okay, so how do we stop to be a “people pleaser”, but not become selfish? I have my 3 “exercises” I usually do (but as you see, I burnt out too, so sometimes I forget to use these things, and that’s okay. We are human and we are not and don’t have to be perfect- we can’t).

  1. Questions. Ask yourself questions. “Do I really want this? Is it really good for me? Am I lazy or it is legit why I don’t want XYZ? What can I do today to make me happier? What is important to me? Do I hurt anyone, if I don’t XYZ?”- You will feel it. Your brain will start to search for the answers and you will feel and know the right answers for you.
  2. Say NO! You can, you should and you are allowed to say NO. I know this is hard sometimes and you feel the guilt, but you must. I don’t say to start an argument and shout. No! Just tell to the person how you feel. In the beginning, when you start to create your boundaries, people will test you. Life will test you. Sometimes you would say yes, just to avoid the conflict and let yourself be, but if you do it, you will feel tired again and you can start everything from the beginning. You will learn to love yourself if you can hold your boundaries. (FYI: The people who love you, will understand and continue to love you. But it will be hard because some of the people who do not love you enough will be left from your life.)
  3. Do something that makes you happy every day. Don’t care about what others would say, or how stupid it sounds, just do it. Something, anything. Doesn’t matter just makes you smile. Be silly, be crazy, and be yourself. (I know it is hard because people want you to be yourself, but “please not that much”. It will be a different post for sure.)

At the end of the day, the most important person in your life should be you, because when you are in your bed, you are alone with yourself (even if someone sleeping next to you). If you are not happy, do you really FEEL happiness about the fact that you made everyone else happy? Be honest with yourself.

Well, I hope it helps guys. I am with you and we stepping together to get back our (Spit)fire. 😘

Don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: (This post is based on my experiences and what I see around me, but please know I don’t think it is the TRUTH, every one of us is different. May what makes sense to me, it will not make any sense to you.)