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“Expectations” or “Desired outcomes”

Hello Guys,

Happy New Year!!!🥳🥂

First of all, I’d like to thank all of you for your presence last year, too. Your love, kindness and support mean everything to me. You’re the best of the best!!!🤗

The last weeks of 2025 gave me lessons, miracles and new perspectives on a couple of things, but I want to share with you the biggest. I suffer from letting go of the things that mean the most to me. We all have plans, goals and expectations regarding the outcome. I have read a lot about letting go of things, not forcing, and not wanting what you want. I had no idea how to do that. I thought a million times that I had finally figured it all out, but it always turned out that I was so far from it. (So, based on the past, I am still not sure, but I have a new way to see life.) 

How can you let go of things that matter the most to you? How can you live without expectations? How do you want things not to be in a certain way? How do you avoid forcing outcomes, but instead work towards them? How can you stay in the present without fear and guilt? What does it mean to let go? How do you not get excited about the future?

I was never good at these. I knew the technicality, but was never able to put it to use. I tried to force myself to let go of things by trying to convince my mind that they do not matter, but in the end, I had these hard feelings inside me. I used the “fake it until you make it” theory and hoped that one day the feeling would disappear, and I would feel free. But never happened. Everything was hard all the time. It was supposed to be easy with all these things, but it never was. 

Since I can remember, New Year’s Eve was a big deal. I always started the year with this “New Year, New Me” attitude. I had my long list of goals, rituals to close the past year, and I was so excited about the year ahead, because I was “sure” that “This year, is My Year”. So I hyped myself up, I started to work so hard on my goals, since January 1st. I accomplished so many things, but I had a burnout in May. Then, I “had rest” during the Summer, and since September every single year, I was depressed, because another year went by and I didn’t get what I honestly wanted. Most of my years were set up for disappointment, and they did disappoint me. I was, and I am so good at teaching goal setting and all the positive mindset to everyone else, but I wasn’t able to use it in my life. (Well, I thought, I did, and I had successes, but never lasted for so long.) Because of the excitement, I was so high up in the sky, and I fell so badly to the ground when something didn’t happen the way I wanted to. I thought I didn’t have expectations, but I had. I thought I let go of what I wanted, but I didn’t. Battles, fights and forces wrapped in a positive attitude. I knew what to do, but I couldn’t do it. Until December…

As usual, I wanted something so bad. Visualised it, manifested, journaled about it, so basically I did everything that was written in “the book”. It seemed all good, and it will happen. So I had a huge expectation. But life happened instead. Everything started to fall apart. What I thought was fixed had just disappeared. All my imaginations were crushed and smashed. I stood there, and I felt my whole World collapse. That’s when I hit the ground again. I felt broken, tired, disappointed, and lost. And that’s when I decided not to stand up again. I felt like a broken toy that is way too broken to be fixed again. So just stay “broken”. I decided to go forward with my life, but if something good happens, I’ll be happy; if not, then it doesn’t matter because I’m already broken. Obviously, at the beginning it was sadness and depression, but days go by, and I realised what I have never understood. 

  1. I was always up in the clouds or down on the ground. It was a way big distance between the two. The higher I was, the bigger I fell. What if I’m happy and go on with my dreams and goals, but closer to the ground, so the possible fall can be smaller? What if I just live my life day by day, and be happy for the good things, and don’t care about the bads, just feel them, learn from them and then go on. If I win, I’ll be in a better place, but if I fall, then nothing happens, because I’ll be where I am now.
  1. Finally, I understand the difference between expectations and desired outcomes, and based on this difference, I now see how I can let go of my goals. Create from alignment instead of force and want. 

To understand the difference, I had to realise what each of them means. (Not the dictionary version!😅)

  • Expectations: come from force, and more often from fear of failure. It’s a closed mindset’s by-product. It comes from a “want” state, which is never a relaxed energy. When we expect things, we have a certain way in our mind, and we are not able to let Life/God/Universe give us something better. We fixated on an outcome that may or may not be the best for us. We chase things and don’t let them flow.
  • Desired outcomes: come from alignment, faith and ease. It’s an open mindset. It comes from allowance. Still have your goals, dreams and hopes, but if they will not happen, don’t crush, because it was only an optional outcome, and not a written-in-stone demand to the Universe.

Basically, I let the Universe do what it has to do, and I live my life. If you know me, you know that I’m a hyperactive, never-stop, cheerful, buzzing person. Not a dull moment with me. 🤷‍♀️But that caused my troubles. Friends and family members warned me all the time, but I never listened… I never truly understood them. Now I do. This was my time to get it.

I live my life, do what I like to do, try new things, and I let go of the expectations. I have desired outcomes, but these are not from force or fear. Also, if fear comes, I let it. It’s okay to be disappointed and sad if something doesn’t work out the way we desired. That’s normal human nature. Fair enough to cry when you need to. It’s okay to be angry and upset. Having desired outcomes doesn’t mean that you gave up, and it is what it is. In my opinion, is quite the opposite, you work for what you desire, just don’t let that thing drive your whole life.

Let’s have a look at some examples!!!

Let’s say you want to lose weight. You have what you want, like the size of the clothes that you wish to achieve. So, you create a plan for what to do every day to get there. You wake up everymorning, and you do what is on your list. If you check your weight every single day or measure your body parts, run while you hate running, after a month of “working on it” (aka suffering and force), you will be disappointed, you’ll give up, only because you had an expectation, instead of a desired outcome. But if you have the desired outcome, you still have the end goal, but you also live your life. You choose the funniest, happiest, most suitable way to get there. Instead of running, you dance, or instead of broccoli, you eat carrots. You walk to work instead of driving. You live your life, you laugh, you work, you do everything else, and you only check your size when the deadline is. And the most amazing thing is that if you haven’t reached the goal until the deadline, you will not be sad because at least you had fun, and you can even change the deadline (of course, if it is for your wedding day… well, maybe better not to change the wedding date only because of the dress’s size.😅) What I say is that you should not live your life around your goals, let the goals be around your life. 

But here is another example. Let’s say you want to find love this year. You are on the dating apps, you dress up every night, look perfect, and go on dates. You meet new people, but somehow, The One doesn’t want to come. You do this for months and months. Each time it gets harder to go out, try to be perfect. You have a job, family, friends, so you have a life too. Managing everything and being on the dates gets you exhausted. In a couple of months, you burn out, feel disappointed and never want to go on a date again. You feel a failure and just have enough. That’s when you have expectations. But what if you just live your life? Go to work, spend time with your family and friends, and only go for a date whenever you feel like it, when you wish to meet a new person. Of course, the desired outcome is to find The One, but if the other person isn’t that person, you just shrug your shoulders and see it as you had a nice experience. Try new things, go to new places without wanting to meet the love of your life, just for the fun. Never know when and where your people will be. 

Desired outcomes are like the kids’ wish lists. When we were kids, we had wishes. Sent the letter to Santa with all the things we “wanted” to get for Christmas. If we didn’t get all of them, we weren’t so disappointed, because we were happy with the other things that we got. Then we grow up, and instead of wishing for things and being happy for what we already have, we start to want things like our lives depend on them. Maybe I don’t have the love of my life, but I have a wonderful family, friends, students, clients and lovely people around me. I do what I like, and every day I spend on this earth with the people I love is the biggest gift ever. A kid doesn’t send a letter to Santa every day until Christmas just to “make sure” that he/she will get the gift. They don’t visualise it every day for 7 minutes. If the gift comes to their mind, they think about it and then go to play and forget it. They don’t build their lives around the desired toy; they build the toy in when they have it or come to mind.

That’s what we forget. That’s what I forgot. Be happy with what I have, and everything else is a gift. I’m grateful for the people around me and my life every day; these things are the real gifts. The money, the career, the love, the weight, and the material things are just bonuses. So, yes, I have my desired outcomes list, and if they come to my life, great, but if they don’t… well, my life is great without them too. 

I’m not saying that we never get disappointed. We do, and that’ fair enough. But it’s easier to see the good in life if we wish for something and don’t want it. That’s how you know if you force the outcome you want. You WANT and not wish or desire.

To actually get what you want, you only need to use this formula: 

Desire (Wish)+ Work= Magic (desired outcome)

I hope this helps, guys!🥰If it does, please follow for more here, on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest too. I wish you all the best, and the most SpitFired up year!!!!🤗

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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“Big men don’t cry”

Hello Guys,

I hope you are well and enjoying your time and life. Autumn’s colours are beautiful, and from the 1st of November, the Holiday season officially started. 🎄😅

So, I always write from my perspective, drawing on my own experience and that of my closest circle, and my clients are mostly women. Recently (in the past two years), I became the luckiest woman on earth because amazing, lovely and traumatised men surround me. 😅 I love all of them, but it was a huge surprise how much they care about self-development (of course, I’m their best life coach🥰), against all the assumptions, they like and want to talk about their emotions, and what kind of traumas they have. 

All the women’s magazines say that “women are from Venus and men are from Mars”. Yes, we’re so different in a million ways, but what I’ve discovered is how similar we are in our negative feelings, self-destructions or traumas. How they self-sabotage, and we do, it is very similar. And mostly, I want to talk about the beliefs that we share.

Before we start, I want to explain why I think this subject is very crucial. I have many traumas, battling with anxiety and depression, not to mention my ADHD. So I know these things first-hand. I thought I had to wear masks all the time to be loved and accepted. I saw these men around me and I was amazed by their kindness, friendship and how strong they are despite everything they had been through. As I said, I am lucky to be most of the time the only woman around them, so I am more of a “bro” to them than a woman (not for everyone and not always, though), which is absolutely fine with me, but like that, I can hear the “bro talk”. You know every girl would like to be a fly on the wall when their other half is with the guys on a boys’ night out. We think they watch football, have a beer and only talk about their favourite team, other ladies or hobbies. What else can they discuss, because they don’t talk about fashion or their feelings as we do?! At least that’s what we think.

Well, ladies, I have news, your other halves have feelings and they’re talking about it with their friends. Why with them and why not with you? Well, simply because they think they have to be strong in front of you, otherwise you will feel that they are just “crying girls”. This was one of the strongest beliefs that I heard from my friends. Let’s start.

“Big men, don’t cry”

I discussed with the “boys”, and they all said the same: “Boys are not allowed to cry”. Some heard from their fathers or other adults, which makes absolute sense. Old traditions, old wounds, old generational patterns come to the surface. However, what surprised me even more was that,  if no one told them directly, they just “knew” because if they cried when they were kids, other kids started to laugh at them. The conditioning is deeper than I thought. Men from the beginning of time were conditioned to be strong, and crying is a sign of weakness. 

Let me tell you something, crying is a release mechanism in our lives.  That’s how the kids release their frustrations, and this is the best way to let go of the energy that is no longer serving us. A good cry is actually healthy because it releases toxins from our bodies and all negative energy. If you don’t cry, you push back those emotions until you will not be able to handle them, and you will explode…if you are lucky. Researchers proved that if you don’t let go of your toxic emotions, they can pile up and can cause even cancer in your body. Nowadays, the situation is improving, and we allow our men to be emotional and we cherish their soft sides. However, I often see that if a guy is opening up, we as women feel that he is too weak and we cannot see him as a man. It is a circle on both sides. 

Women don’t make this emotional transition easier for the other gender. We want our man to be strong and do the “man’s jobs”, but also help us to clean the house. We want him to talk to us, but not too much because we feel overwhelmed by his problems, too. We want him to catch the spider, but what if he has the same trauma regarding this small animal like we do?! We cannot handle it, because we need to feel safe. Our man has to provide, but spend time with us, but not too much, because we need our own time, help, but don’t be too “womanly”…the list goes on, and on and on.

I think the solution is balance and communication. Like everywhere in life, balance and communication are the keys to a relationship as well. Give and take. That’s the basic. Give them the space to open up, to share. Also, we need to know what we want, then align with that person. Get the qualities, visions, and emotions that we want to receive in a relationship. 

“All men must be a superhero”

Obviously! That’s a must-have recruitment! (And obviously, it’s a huge, fat bullshit! 😅) Have you ever thought about the expectations of our society in a man’s eyes? I mean, we all know that a woman has to be married, have at least 1 kid and a nice career before 30, otherwise she is a spinster and “will die alone”. (Or doesn’t have a pancake from her mother!😅 Sorry, Mom!!!🤣)

But what about the men? Our society isn’t soft on them either. If a man doesn’t have a house, car, wife, at least 1 kid and a salary that can provide for the whole family, he isn’t a man, just some kind of “pathetic loser”. My guys told me that it’s still very essential that, from their salary, they provide for their family and must have a higher salary than their wives, otherwise they cannot feel man enough. If they cannot use the tools to build anything, they think less of themselves. They need to fix the tap and cut all the wood, and be a hunter, or at least go fishing, because that’s so “manly”. 

To be honest, feminism didn’t help either. I’m single and from a village, so I can shovel the snow from the porch, use a screwdriver and put a shelf on my wall, and I’m definitely able to open a jar.🤷‍♀️  But ladies, please, it will not hurt you if you ask them to open that jar, or let them do the IKEA wardrobe without a manual. 😅 I know you don’t mind having your hands dirty, but let them do it, let them be a man (unless they don’t like it when their hands are dirty…well then be a “strong woman” and help- if they ask for it!🤣 Yes, I know such a man!🤣- Sorry!! You know I love you!😅)

“Men don’t have traumas”

Nope, they are not allowed. That’s the women’s privilege. (BS😅)

Let me tell you something, because we are all human beings, we all have been kids at some point in our lives (I know, I know, there are certain people that you cannot believe or imagine that they have ever experienced joy or know what kindness means, but trust me, they were kids. 😉), and like that we all have traumas. You know why? Because every parent makes mistakes. They’re human. Humans make mistakes. Not intentionally, not because they purposely want to screw up their kids’ lives and then pay the therapist for years…no… they are just trying to do their best, because unfortunately for a human baby, we do not get a manual. Babies are not IKEA self that you have a manual and you still can f@ck up. Every parent wants the best for their kid, and they have never been parents before, so it’s the first time they’re doing it. With years, they become better. But they have pasts, too. They have generational traumas that they pass on to you. Not because they want to, but that’s what they’ve got for their parents. Your parents have beliefs from their parents or their own that condition you and your beliefs. Unless you work on yourself, you will pass them to your kids. Or you have siblings, and they just want to joke with you, but they condition you to be scared of spiders for the rest of your life…but because you are a man…well, that’s not cool. Or your parents don’t want to buy a new outfit for the masquerade, and you are a 5-year-old boy and have to wear your older sister’s Madonna costume, and you end up looking like a bad whore  (True story from a friend.😅) …that’s a trauma for life. Yet, your parents just wanted to save some money. 

No one talks about what these things can do for the long term in your life. There are obviously more serious matters, too. For example doesn’t matter your gender when you are born to a family they don’t want you, or maybe they wanted the opposite sex. You start your life as a huge disappointment to your parents, who should love you unconditionally. That’s a trauma for a life which is not gender specific. Not to mention when your teachers criticise you for something, or they give you the bad boy stamp. And we haven’t discussed the teenager dramas, the loss of the first love. I could write about the type of traumas for days. 

The conclusion is that until you become a 30-40-year-old man, you are fully insecure, don’t have self-confidence (but you will pretend like you don’t have tomorrow), you feel useless, incompetent and unworthy, which most of the men (and women) avoid, so start to use substances (or the women sometimes begin to became the gossip channel), everything just not to face the problems. 

So yes, men are traumatised too. Everyone should accept that fact and be more empathetic with others. Plus, I have some bad news…if you don’t face your problems, nothing will get better…but it can always get worse.

So, doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman. We are all human beings trying to do our best on this planet called Earth. We have more in common than we even can imagine. Listen to the guys as well. Listen and know that they have their own burdens and emotions, and let them show you the soft side, too. And guys, please let us know more; show us your emotional side too, so we can understand you better. 

No one has to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

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Summary of a Summer,

aka Painkillers and Distractions

Hello guys,

I hope you’re well and had an amazing Summer. I had one of a kind. And that’s exactly the subject for this time.🥰

Usually, Summer is my “battery charger”. My friends and loved ones often tell me that I’m working with solar energy. So, if the sun is shining, I’m happy and conquer the World at least 2 times per hour, but if not, it’s like someone unplugged me. That’s true most of the time, and that’s why I didn’t realise the fall. The worst part is that this period started last Spring, but I was so busy to realise that I’ve started to “use painkillers” and “distractions”, just to make sure I don’t have to deal with the “serious things”. What does it mean? I’ll explain.

Usually, I don’t like to talk about these kinds of things. Who likes to talk about their failures and falls? Yepp, no one. Especially if you’re in the care industry. But I think that’s why it’s important to tell you about my journey. 

So, if you know me, you know that I’m always busy, full of energy, very positive, cheerful, but a tough, strong and badass woman. Which is true, but what only a few of you know is that I’m so emotional and hopeless romantic. I’m a born empath, and that can be a blessing and a curse, too. I’m loyal till the end, I love with all my heart, I can be excited about anything, and that’s why I have high hopes and expectations. I thought I had learnt to get the balance, but the Universe proved that I’m so far from it. 

I’m always so high in the clouds or so low down in Hell. No middle ground. Last summer, I felt I was in balance. I felt zen and happy. That was the illusion. A lovely and so high period. I loved every minute of it and I haven’t regretted anything. So I had the same expectations for this summer, too. But Life happened. I wanted to do what I did last summer, but life hit me hard, so I had to see what I was actually doing.

I kept myself busy, but not because I had that many things to do, but because I didn’t want to face the fact that I started to please everyone around me again, just to keep the (now I know, it was only an illusion) peace. I tried to be perfect in every aspect of my life. Perfect look, style, student, employee, friend, daughter, aunt, sister, etc. You name it and I’ve done it. I’ve tried so hard to be everywhere, to “make” everyone happy. And that’s where I started to use “pankillers” and “distractions”. 

What were those? Fun! I went to parties, I met friends, I was even a fangirl on a bench for a whole summer, just to feel alive, everything but facing the fact that I started to feel tired. It was much easier to listen to other people’s problems and help them than help myself. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just felt okay and good. When I had some bad days, instead of sitting down and checking what the lesson is, what I am doing, I used one of my lovely distractions. I called a friend, went to the beach or sat and listened to my favourite songs from one of the kindest singers I know. Don’t get me wrong, I love helping others, I never regret a minute of last summer, and I had a really fun time, but that lifestyle wasn’t sustainable, nor aligned with my plans.  

Last Fall, things started to fall apart, but as you know, I had my exams, so I just thought that everything was about the stress regarding the study. I believed, once I finished, I would have what I wanted, because I worked so hard for it, and everything would be calm again, just like in summer, and I could focus again on the things that “made” me happy. But nothing went according to plan, and I hit rock bottom. I was so high on positive energy, so I hit the ground so hard. But hey, I’m fine! I think that should be on my gravestone: “I’m fine!”😅 “I’m fine, and this is just a bump on the road!” “I’ve got this!”- Yep, all the cliches. And all the toxic positivity.

People think that these are enough to open someone’s eyes. Well, it’s a good thing that I’m so stubborn, like a dog with a bone, so I didn’t let go, no sit down, self-reflect…noooo…that’s not me. 😅 I shook myself, fixed my crown and continued the same journey. I didn’t realise what I was doing even during Christmas time. I love that time of the year, and I was just tired. I was exhausted from shopping, being on the go, running all the time, and juggling everything. Lessons with my students, working on the website, planning for next year, being who everyone wants you to be, but in the end, no one was happy with me or the things I‘ve done. I wanted nothing, just to sit on that bench and be summer again. 

The New Year started lovely, with another “painkiller”, but it felt good, so I gathered energy to go on, and I put all my energy into the life coaching. I was high, on the top again. I’ve met amazing and inspiring people who have helped me a lot. By summer arrived, I was so happy and proud. My students gave me so much love, and I’m so proud of all of them. But students finished, the summer hit, and everyone went on holiday. So I couldn’t be as busy as I wanted to be. 

I honestly thought about the distractions, but after May, I realised that it would be lovely, but if I continue like this, I cannot pull my head out of the sand. 

So this summer, I’ve done what I least wanted to do: I faced my fears and flaws. I’ve been sitting instead of a bench and listening to someone else (whom I wanted to listen to so badly), I was sitting in my bed or on the beach and listening to myself. It was so hard… I’m not very kind to myself, but better with others. 😅 I hit rock bottom during the process and found out things that I’ve buried so deep down, I didn’t remember that I’ve ever felt them. I re-created my boundaries because some of them were so outdated. Even I realised that time to time boundaries need to be bent or rethought. I had to accept a million things about myself and others who are so close to me. Also, I had to let go of people who were part of my life forever, but did not fit in anymore. I was disappointed more times than I can count. I felt like going back and distracting myself would be easy, but I had to “come off the painkillers” to be who I am, to move on and be calm, balanced and be happy without anyone’s approval or validations from outside of me. Now I am in a place where I am not just saying that I am fine, I honestly feel it. I still have work to do, but I am happy, without any distractions. 

It sucks!!! Trust me, it was harder than anything, but now I know my value. I know who I am and I know my worth. I don’t want to settle for less anymore, just to feel alive. If someone wants me in their life, they have to treat me as a priority and not an option. Anyone…friends, family, love, anyone. I understand the people around me, I understand where they come from, which wounds they have and why they do things the way they do. I do understand all of these things. But if I make an effort to understand them, I want them to make the same effort for me. Or the bare minimum, is that leave me alone. What you give, you get back. 

The point is that life without expectations is nice, but no one can do that. Even if you don’t expect anything from others, you expect them not to expect anything from you. And that’s a catch-22. 😉 

I think what I wanted to tell you in the end is that it’s okay to fail, it’s okay to rebuild from the ground up, it’s fine to make mistakes, but check your painkillers and distractions, so you can change your life for good. As soon as you start looking for these things and start to do the work, as soon as your life will change too, and you can be the one you want to, or meant to be. Fun is a good thing and has as much as you need, just make sure that this fun is not toxic, not because you want to hide something, not just a distraction, but pure joy. I can have fun now without using it as a cover for deep wounds. 

Enjoy the last days of summer, have fun and be yourself, no matter what. Spitfire up, and if you can’t, just sit on a bench and look inside. It’s worth it! And you are never alone. I am here for you, and I am so proud of you! If you need help, just drop a message and we will figure it out together!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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Mindfulness

Hello guys,

I hope everything is going well with you. I do apologise because of the “blog-break”, but as you saw on the website, I’m a bit busy nowadays and I love that. ❤ I try to do many nice things, such as offering a free 5-question workbook. The next one is coming soon, which will help you on your self-discovery journey. 

But I’m here now to talk about an important topic, which is our health. I know this one is all over the place, and everyone is living a healthy lifestyle, and mental health is a huge topic nowadays, so the question is relevant: “What new can you tell me?” I’m not sure I can, but I believe the importance of repeating things that are valuable and can be beneficial for others. 

Since the WHO describes it very well, we all know that health is not just not being sick, but it’s feeling good in our body, mind and soul. We all know the components of a healthy life, such as a good night’s sleep, reducing stress, a balanced diet, and the list goes on. I promise I have no intention to speak about food or sleep. Also, I’ll avoid the “no drugs, alcohol or smoke” part. 

What I want to talk about is what I do every day as a life coach, which I see firsthand. This blog is positive, so today’s topic is mental health. And mindfulness. I truly believe that if someone follows a healthy diet, exercises every day, has at least 8 hours of sleep and doesn’t have any bad habits, they still can have serious health issues because of stress. Since the internet and social media are part of our everyday life, the World has accelerated, and the stress factors have increased significantly. Although companies are investing substantial amounts of money in various work-life balance activities, the burnout rates are on the rise. Why? Well, I used to work in the corporate area, and until the multimillion-dollar companies deal with their employees as robots and not humans, a weekly massage or yoga will never help. Think about it. Your company offers fresh fruits for breakfast. You took it, then you went for a company-paid 30-minute massage. When you finish with that, you sit down next to your computer, and you have 30 unread messages regarding what is wrong in the company, and everyone wants you to fix it. How would you feel? Or when you have to take your laptop with you during your holiday, just to make sure that you are reachable, and if you are, trust me, they will reach out. If they don’t, after a week of holiday, your inbox will be full, and I guarantee that when you finish with all those emails, you will feel even more tired than you left for those holidays not to mention the maternity period, especially in the UK, where, as a mother, you have to return to work after 6-8 months. However, the daycares for the kids are free after the age of 2, and the grandparents don’t live nearby or even in the same country. As a private English teacher, I work with kids and see overwhelmed and burnt-out kids every day. Be calm, be happy, be a kid, but they are in the schools until 3 pm, and after that starts the sports practices, the dance lessons, the private lessons (Maths, English, German, Biology, name it and they do it), plus the homework and we surprised when the kids are burnt-out at age 12. Not to mention the graduation periods…Jeez… they’re only 18 years old and they have so much pressure on their shoulders.

Work-life balance is just an illusion in the world. Unless you create one for yourself. I’ve been there, done that. Trust me, hard and sucks, but it’s possible. How do we start to do that?

  1. Time management is essential. The problem is that in our early years in school, we learn that everything has the same importance, which isn’t true. I don’t care if you are a student or an employee, you have to manage your time. And to do that, you must know your timeline. It means that I need 1 hour in the morning to get ready. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I cannot be 100% during the day without my 1-hour morning prep. How long do you need? Don’t try to put 2 hours’ work in a one-hour timeframe and then be stressed out because you are not done yet.
  1. Prioritise. Multitasking is a very nice and fancy world in our lives, and that’s why we are stressed. That’s what’s expected from us. But the human brain was never wired to do a million things at once, and especially not perfectly. This is the biggest BS in the modern world. Not all the subjects are equally important at school. Come on, don’t tell me that art classes have the same importance in your college application as Maths or the languages? Unless, of course, you want to be an artist, but then Maths doesn’t matter that much. Same in your workplace. Trust me, not all 100 emails have the same priority. John’s “thank you email” will not bring 1 million for the company, but if you don’t answer the biggest client’s email, it can cost that much. So forget the multitasking and prioritise regarding the importance of the company, your life, your mood on that day, your lifestyle or the period you are in it. I used to work in a bar, and my mentor told me that, and since then, I live my life like this: “Step by step, and day by day.”
  1. Delegate. I know it’s hard to say, especially if someone is a perfectionist (like me), but you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask your friends for the exam items, so you don’t have to do them. Or ask your colleagues to help you. Women!!! You don’t have to do all the housework alone. Because your spouses, partner lives in the same house, they can help as well. I don’t say that from now on our other half should do everything, but we cannot die if we ask them from time to time for some help. We will not be less super women, just more clever. Share the housework. Discuss who likes to do what and share. I have bad news: no one is a mindreader, so if you don’t ask, you will never get the help. Just ask. Remember Smarter than harder.

Once we have a bit more time, please use it to get some rest. We will not miss anything if sometimes we do what feels good for us and say no to an event, or we just delay our so-called important obligations. Have some fun. Sometimes, I sit down and brainstorm all the things that I loved to do when I was a kid, and I do at least one item from the list. Fun, joy and happiness make us feel alive. Play like the kids. 

Create boundaries and try to focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone around you. I know, I said this a million times, but still true: At the end of the day, you will be alone in your bed with your emotions. No one can feel your feelings, not even your partners, friends, family…only you. 

Summertime has so much magic regarding our mental health. Go for a walk in nature, go for a holiday, spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, take a night swim in the lake, go for a horse ride, have a picnic, take a day off and get lost in the woods, just go outside and enjoy the wonder around you. 

So SpitFire Up, and please take care of yourself. Summer is the best time of the year to create new and joyful habits.😘 And if you need more support, book a free 30-minute consultation, and we will see how to continue. ❤

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

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Inner Teenager

Hello Guys,

Finally, it’s almost Summer!🥰 The flowers are blossoming, the weather is warm, and nature is colourful. What else do we need? Well, so many things, but I am waking up from my “Winter sleep”. I feel the energy!!! 😅 Every Summer feels like the Summers in my teenage years. (Not the prehistoric times, just the wild ‘90s and ‘00s. 😅)

In the past 1,5 years since I moved back to Hungary, almost every single week, I have had at least one realisation regarding me, my actions, reactions, emotions, habits, etc. A few months ago, I went through my pictures. During the process, when I had just found my favourite teenage picture of myself, someone messaged me… and I didn’t like the message.🤷‍♀️ I immediately became very offensive, upset, and insecure at the same time, like the girl in the image. I looked at the picture and realised that the Universe wanted to message me. The message was loud and clear: You acted from your “inner teenager”. Nothing wrong with that if you can catch yourself when you go “back” to that state of your life. The problem starts when you have no idea what inner teenager means or if this state can exist in you. And most of us don’t have. 

Why? Simple. Usually, when we work on ourselves, we focus on the inner child and its wounds or the adult problem-solving and/or trauma healing process. But what about the teenage traumas? I tried to find some literature for this post, but not many authors, psychologists, or scientists discuss the fact that we all had teenage years with all their traumas. We know how adults and our environment’s behaviour shapes us as kids, but what about the years when we are confused and lost? Of course, so many of our traumas are from our childhood, and we are busy focusing on them, but what about the trauma that losing our first love can cause? The trauma that everyone wants us to decide what we want to do for the rest of our life, when we should choose a University right after graduation? What about the traumas that your identity searching can cause, or the pain that is caused by rejection of your age group? No one is talking about these kinds of traumas. 

It’s basic psychology that when the kids turn 11-12 years old, the person of reference is no longer the adults around them. Teenagers no longer care about their parents’ opinions or want to impress their teachers. They don’t want to hang out with their grandparents. The only thing that matters is their age group’s opinion. They start to care about what their friends say, do or how they behave, because they want to be part of the group. That’s why the environment around them during these years is so important. Also, that’s the time when they are not kids anymore, but still not adults. They try to find their identity and figure out who they want to be. An average kid at the age of 18 must graduate from high school and apply to a university. The kids have to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives. This causes so much pressure, confusion, and these are the age when they start to develop anxiety. If the parents have an imagination of what the kid should become and push it too hard, even worse. I have so many friends who graduated from university with a diploma that they never used, just because that was the expectation from their parents. Lawyers who never practised, financial experts who never worked one day in the financial sector. Only because the parents had their imagination regarding their kids’ future. But they just wanted the best for their children, so I don’t want anyone to blame their parents. They all had good attention. 

I’m sure we all remember our first loves. The butterflies in our belly, the pink clouds and the excitement before a date or even when we see the loved one. All the first dates, first kisses, first handholdings, and don’t be unrealistic, our first sexual experiences. So we felt all these beautiful, happy feelings…but when it ends (and most of the time it ends)… it is the first big disappointment. We cry, we have no idea how to get through to this loss, and everyone around us is just keep telling us that all will be okay, and this was only our first love, and better is coming. Sure…but we don’t know when, and we start to screen ourselves, what is wrong with us. We want to find what we have done wrong. Which is nothing, this is just life, but most of the parents instead teaching the teenagers how to morn a relationship and help them go through the stages, they just smiling and wants them to move on as soon as possible and focus on their studies and career instead of crying about a boy or girl. (Again, it isn’t the parents’ fault or they aren’t evil, they want the best, but no one told them these things either. These are the patterns that they’ve learnt from their parents.)

What about the social media’s effect on teenagers? Competition and bullying. Teenagers are comparing themselves to the influencers, and as they are still not adults, just big kids, they bully each other, but this bullying is online, so the whole world can see someone’s humiliation. Not to mention the fashion trends, and because of the importance of the brands, how much money do they have in their wallets, and the family’s financial situation?

So no one ever speaks about this kind of trauma. People don’t think that this is trauma. They don’t think about how important these experiences are. Unconsciously, we belittle the teenagers’ feelings and thoughts. Yes, these ages are the “drama ages” where they are angrier, their hormones are up and down all the time, and they overexpress themselves, but their feelings are just as valid as any other people’s. 

I think we should, and we could help them to get through these phases easily and quickly with compassion, therapy or with life coaching techniques. There are some easy exercises to help them choose their career path or give them reasons to care. We shouldn’t just let them figure it out alone or decide for them, we just need to listen to them and hold their hands, instead of judging every step they take.

What does it mean to act from your inner teenager? Like every human being, we are all different, and we experience our teenage years quite differently. I would say that when you act like a rebellious 18-year-old, without slamming the doors (or sometimes with the door thing too). I remember when I was a teenager, I was so needy, spoiled by my friends, my ego was bigger than Mount Everest, I was very arrogant, and I sought attention from all the boys around me. I wanted to be a Queen, but to be honest, I acted like a bad Disney princess. So when my inner teenager is out (called X-Tina- I know…so pathetic, but that’s how everyone called me back in the days, because I wanted them to call me like that🤦‍♀️), I realise it immediately because I become needy, hysterical, seeking attention and if I not get it…well, proper B@tch is on duty. (With a capital B!) But all of these reactions are coming from insecurity, loneliness, lack of confidence, envy, and not feeling valued enough. I have been working a lot lately on my teenage traumas; however, some have not yet been solved or properly dealt with. But that’s okay. We’re human, and self-development is a lifelong journey. 

So, how to deal with an uncontrolled teenager? Easy, as you deal with a normal one.

  1. Accept the fact that you’re in your teenage mood. It can be so hard, because we think that after a certain age, we automatically become not just physically, but mentally, adults too. 
  2. Gather so much patience. You’ll need it. 
  3. Identify the problem. “Which button was pushed?” What do you feel? Why do you feel what you feel? 
  4. Try to convince (good luck) yourself that you’re a grown-up now and all those fears are outdated, and let go of them. It can be a very long procedure, and maybe some of them are even deeper than you think, but be patient and take your time. Take as long as it needs.
  5. Go out and celebrate… even like when you were a teenager. 😉

I believe we all have our inner child, inner-teenager, and our adult self inside of us. My opinion is that these three shouldn’t fight against each other, because we need all three to be in our everyday life. We should let them team up and work together to conquer the world. 

So pull out your wild-legged jeans, with a crop top, put Spice Girls on speaker and SpitFire up your inner teen!😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

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“Mirror, mirror on the wall…”

Hello Lovelies,

I know each one of you is now confused about this sentence. And that’s okay. 😅 I’ll explain it very soon. First, I wanted to let you know that the website is still in progress with the Life Coach and Motivational speech options, but it will be available soon. Until then, if you need help because you are stuck in your life and have no idea what to do, you can contact me on the social media platforms below. Feel free to drop me a message and I am happy to help! 🥰

However, I have something to share with you. I had a conversation last week (well, not one) that just stuck in my brain or actually, the fact that the person I advised never heard about the “Mirror technique or affect”. Maybe you never heard of that or do not fully understand what it means. Don’t worry, my mentor and very good friend talked to me about the “Mirror” for years while I finally realised its true meaning. Anyway, this is one of the easiest life-changing techniques I have ever heard. “Everyone in your life is a mirror!” But is it true?🤔

Here is the good news: yes and no! But first, we need to clarify other things. Everyone who is around us is a mirror. Their behaviour, skills, and emotions resonate with our frequency. Everyone and everything has a frequency and that’s how we attract people or stuff in our life. Based on our rezonation we choose our friends, relationships even our work. Most of the time we have either a positive or negative vibe. But how is it attached to the mirror? 

For example, you have a friend, who is always complaining, that nothing is good, but he/she pretends that everything is fine. In the beginning, you became friends because you were on the same frequency. (Sorry, but that’s the harsh truth.) If you don’t start to look at him or her as a mirror, you are not bothered. You are the same, it is a beautiful relationship, but neither of you understands why things are always “bad”. Then you start to read my blog, do the tricks and hacks, I share and your frequency starts to rise and you feel more positive, you attract positive people and one day, you just release that the friend we mentioned previously became so annoying. You don’t understand what happened, but you don’t want to spend time with him or her. You feel overwhelmed after every coffee you share. And here the “mirror” comes. Why this person bothers me? What is in his/her behaviour that makes me uncomfortable? Most of the time they say that you changed and you are the one who is annoying and unreliable. You start to see that this person is gossiping all the time, negative and nothing is good. And that’s the point where you have to stop and look in the mirror. Because if it bothers you means you have something to do with those things. They reflect your behaviour and actions. Are you complaining all the time? Do you like gossiping? Are you happy and satisfied with your life? 

If the answer is yes to all those questions, you have to start working on yourself and find the root cause of your behaviour. Because no one can make you feel anything. Your feelings are yours and yours only. So if someone’s behaviour bothers you most likely you act in the same way. Maybe you think that your life is perfect, but you still find things about to complain. Why? Where do those feelings come from?

But if the answer is no to the questions, means that you have nothing to do with the other person’s actions. They are not the reflection of you. Simply they can have a bad day and they reflect their frustration on you. Or you may outgrow them. Your frequency no longer matches theirs. Maybe they are jealous of your success or the things you achieved. Or you envy them about something. 

I also advise my “clients”, the people I work with in their self-development, to first stop and take a breath. Look at the person who said or done the things that are bothering them. Is this person truly important enough to me? Even if the answer is no, the next questions are mandatory. Is this true? Do I act the way they say? If the answer is no to both questions, well you have nothing to do with the situation. But if it is yes, you have to ask other questions. Why this thing bothers me? What do I feel? Where do these feelings come from? Why do I behave this way? Can I change? Do I want to change?

After we find the answers to all those questions, we’ll be able to start to work on the solutions. No matter what you are working on, the first step is always to identify the problem. Once it is done, you need to know the root cause to start working on the strategy that leads you to the full solution. 

One more thing I wanted to tell you. Even if you sort out one problem in your life, others will come. Life never stops happening. Sometimes the same problems come back in a different form and you have to start the process again. You have to look in the mirror and do everything again from the beginning. Our behaviours, reactions, and patterns are not something that we were born with. We learnt them during our years on Earth. If you are 35 years “young” just like me, you have done something in a way in the past 35 years. That behavior will not gone in two, three, four, etc. weeks just because you work on it once. Self-development is a lifelong process. Each behaviour, emotion or pattern change depends on the person, the circumstances, the time, the environment, etc. Some of them we can get rid of in two weeks, but the deeper ones need much more time. You created them in 35 years, so they will not disappear in a second.

And yes, sometimes you need help. You need a person who can see you from the outside. Someone who just sits and listens to you without judgment, in a safe environment, where you can be yourself and everything is about you and your process. So many people said, “Why need a therapist or life coach when I have friends?” well, true, but your friends need to talk about themselves too. Most of the time they don’t want to hurt your feelings and that’s why they are not honest. They cannot see you objectively, because they are involved in your life. Plus they desperately want to help and give you all the cliche pieces of advice. Come on we all heard at least once in our life after a break up that “He wasn’t good enough for you. It’s his loss. Just let go.” Thank you, Einsteins!!!! Seriously, no kidding Sherlock?! 🙄That’s why sometimes we need help from outside of our circle.

The “mirror” technique is the best way to see ourselves. If the other person in the mirror is not who we want to see, well, we have a chance to change. But we always need to stop first and check who is the one who said that thing and what they say, because there is a possibility that we are their mirror and not the other way around. When I first heard about this, I started to monitor all my interactions with other people and I got terrified about myself. Some of them were true. I was arrogant, selfish, hysterical, bitchy, judgemental, critical, etc. And some of them had nothing to do with me. But because I heard that “Everyone is a mirror”, I started to believe that I am a terrible person. Now I know that there are moments when you are the mirror to the other person.

One last thing is crucial to talk about. Not just everyone, but everything is a mirror. So if you say that someone around you does something that you do not agree with, either you envy that thing or you do it the same way. Life/Universe/God wants to show you one of your core beliefs. Let’s say that your friend has so much money and you think, it’s easy for him or her because… Now here it is. Mirror. I want that money that easy, so I am jealous, but my core belief is that I must work hard to get a little bit of money. Or when you say “money just comes and goes” and you are surprised that the money goes all the time… Honey, of course, it goes, because you never said that it stays. See what I mean? Your friend’s lifestyle and the fact that you want this showed you the block in your life.

It’s hard to look in the mirror because shows us the truth about ourselves. But trust me it’s worth it. As soon as you accept that you are not perfect and never will be, you can start the work to become the person you want to be. You can be anyone if you want to and if you work for it. Achieving our biggest dreams is never easy, but nothing is impossible. 

As Audrey Hepburn said: “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says: I’m-Possible.”

I hope it helps you to SpitFire up, look in the mirror with pride and adore the person inside of it because everyone is imperfectly perfect. I honestly love you all!!! ❤

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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5 steps to gather the courage to start something new

Hello Guys,

I hope you are well and not too depressed because of the cold weather.

As I mentioned, I have a new project and you will see it very soon. The website will be updated and I will add my Life Coach and Motivational speaker services. Why and why now? Excellent questions!😅

I created this blog because I wanted to help people and because sometimes I have to give out what is inside me. 

Since I was a kid I knew I wanted to work with people and help them. But for so long I had no idea how can I do that. In 2021 I’ve met coaching and I knew this was my way. However, a lack of confidence held me back until now. Like so many of you, I questioned myself and never imagined that people would ask my opinion or why anyone would choose me to help. Who am I? Just a no one! A small village girl with a big mouth!😅 Plus what my parents and friends will say? Come on, I will only embarrass them. I was afraid, I would end up alone and no one would support or love me. So I have done nothing. 

During the past 1,5 years, I helped friends with their divorce, strangers and teenagers with their lack of self-confidence, friends with their everyday life problems and many issues. I have done it for free because I wanted to help. Even though I am only 35 years “young”, I have been through a lot. My motivation is to give some value to the people in my life. That’s the whole purpose of this blog too. If I can help only one of you with my words, it was worth it. 

So the people around me who I helped told me that I gave so much to them, why am I not doing it as a career? Well, I felt I was an impostor. I learnt those techniques and tools from other people. People who are more famous, smart and successful than I am. Motivational speakers such as Mel Robbins, Jenna Kutcher, Dean Graziozi, Roxy Nafusi, Almási Kitti and the list goes on and on. 

But recently I listened to Mel Robbins’ podcast  (I know, sorry, I adore this woman. 😅)and she said that this is just insecurity and we have to face our fear. If someone has done it, everyone can do it. And that’s just hit me on my face. I write about self-confidence here and I didn’t take my advice. 

So I started to do her Let Them theory (btw she published the book you can buy here. No, I don’t get any commission for this, I just love the theory and it works for me.😅) which by the way I wrote about it here. As Mel advises everyone, I let people judge me. I let people misunderstand me. I let people think what they want to think about me. And I let me don’t care. I let myself do what I want to do. It let me live my life the way I want to. I let myself help people in my way if that makes me feel good and happy. I am forever grateful for this woman because she changed my life so many times in many ways, and I hope you let me help change yours. 

Based on her lessons and many others in the past more than 10 years since I started to study motivation, mindfulness and self-development, I created my “system” to start working on my goals. These steps helped me to start so many things and I follow them now to create the life coaching/motivational speaker side of my life. 

So here are my 5 steps on how I gathered the courage to start something new (again😅):

  1. Identify the “problem”. In my case, the problem was my people-pleasing. I thought too much about what other people would say, do or think about me. I was paralysed by the fact that some of my friends and family members would turn back on me.
  1. Work on yourself and overcome the fear. This is where I used the Let Them theory. I let go of the negative thoughts, feelings and self-talk. I kept telling myself that I let them react how they want to react and let me be myself. I started to catch my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. I accepted my fears, but I didn’t let these feelings keep me from taking action.
  1. Identify your goal. What do I want? I wrote everything down in very itemised and specific ways. You must be clear and 100% sure about the “what you want” part, otherwise it’s not a goal, it’s just a dream. You must declare your goal. Have to have a clear vision. In my case, I wrote down that I am a “professional” life coach/motivational speaker and how many clients I have per week. (Be careful with the words and make sure you speak like it already happened.)
  1. Have a strategy. I researched life coaching businesses, their websites and social media accounts to get ideas of what and how to do. What are the steps? What do I need? How can I be seen? What kind of content and posts should I create? How my website should look like? Who do I need to speak with?
  1. Take a small step. As I mentioned earlier, my website is not done, yet, but I made my first step. And it was to reach out to an amazing human with a huge heart, who is helping me to edit my site. Yes, sometimes the first step is to ask for help. In life, there are only a few things that you can achieve alone. You need other people’s help to get the success you wish. I am lucky enough to have wonderful people around me and I am forever grateful for them. 

I truly believe these steps simply because they worked for me in the past on several different occasions. And I hope they will work for you too. During a life coach session, we will go through these steps (and many more) and basically, I will hold your hands on your way to achieve what you want. These 5 steps are only the beginning of a long road to success. As I said, at the moment the service is in progress, but if you don’t want to miss it when it’s up and running, or you have any questions, please follow me on the social media platforms or the blog (links below the post). 😘 The blog will be only in English in the future too. However, the life coach section will be available both in English and Hungarian. (That’s one of the reasons why it is not up and running yet! It’s so hard to live a bilingual life! 😅)

So please give it a try to my “magic steps”, SpitFire” up and have fun while you become more confident than you can ever imagine! 😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

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10 season-changing tips

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and having a wonderful Fall. As much as I love pumpkin spice lattes, I still prefer iced coffees during hot summer days. BUT very soon we reach the second best time of the year… yeeeess, Christmas Baby!!!🤪 (Sorry, Grincses!!!! 😅)

Anyway, I’m not sure how you feel, but the days are getting shorter, the nights are getting longer, and the weather is chilly and miserable, so for me, it’s a hard job to get out of bed and not just stay there with a nice book and my coffee. Not to mention get sh@t done and be positive in the meantime. This is the hardest season-changing in the year. I’m excited when we enter the Christmas holiday season or not a problem with the “from Winter to Spring” short time. (As you know me, I love Summer, so I’m sure I don’t have to explain my relationship with that change. 😅)So if you relate, I have good news. During my time in London (where most of the time the weather is like this and not just in the autumn) I’ve tried many things to lift my mood and make it easier this period of the year. I found 10 easy things that helped me out of the season change.

  1. Go outside for a little walk. I know and I can even hear: “WTF is wrong with you? Are you crazy? It’s f@cking cold outside!”🤣- Well you are right, but research (and me) proved that only a 10-minute walk lifts your mood, clears your head, helps focus and reduces stress hormones in your body.
  1. Morning exercise. It can be anything. I do 30-40 minutes of yoga or pilates every morning and after that, I feel like I’m a brand new woman who can and will conquer the world. But it can be anything. Go to the gym and lift some weights.💪 Run, if you like. (I do if I have to… for my life.) Most important is to move your body a little bit because exercise will give you a dopamine boost so your mood will be instantly better.
  1. Meditate. Any kind of meditation can help. Focus inside, release the things that no longer serve you, and be quiet. Meditation can be a long walk in nature or sitting on a bench. Don’t necessarily have to be long. 5 minutes is more than enough if you are short on time. The most important is that you are in the present. We are so worried about our past mistakes and all the “what ifs” or stressing about the future, so we forget to enjoy the present. 🧘‍♀️
  1. Be with your loved ones. While the summer is all about going out, fall is more about staying in. But you can still interact with others. Organise a movie night or watch the match together at home. Some like to play board games nights, while others prefer the spa evenings. Family dinners are cool too. No matter what, just do with people who cheer you up. Human interactions are the best mood lifters. You will feel engaged, belonged and valued. 
  1. Dance. When I feel down and have no idea what to do to feel better, I always turn on my music and start dancing. Music is the best cure for everything. When you dance, you move your body and let go of all the stress, and worries and you are in the present. You do not have to be a dancer that’s the beauty of it. Just turn off your mind, feel the music and rhythm, and just be free. Loose yourself, and all the expectations and don’t care about anything else. (Well make sure you use earphones or the volume is not so high because usually, the neighbors’ music taste doesn’t match yours. I’ve tried and they weren’t happy. 🙄🤷‍♀️)
  1. Candles and coffee (or tea). When the days are darker we need as much light as possible. Light up a candle have your favourite coffee or tea and sit for a while. Feel the warmth, gratitude and, safety that a small flame can gives you. Give your soul and mind a bit of time. Buy a candle with your favourite smell. Like this, all of your five senses can be satisfied. Better if you have someone to smuggle with you while you do this lovely and relaxing “exercise”. (P.S. It can be a nice way to meditate too.😘)
  1. Journal. When you feel sad a bit because summer has just gone, grab a piece of paper and write down all the good memories. Everything and everyone why and who you are grateful for. Fill your soul and mind with warm feelings. We usually go back to the past to analyse our mistakes and blame ourselves. So why don’t we use our minds to recall happy memories? (Another good way to do this is if you don’t have pen and paper around you and need an instant mood lift if you check your photo album on your smartphone or social media.😉)
  1. Celebrate. Celebrate every small victory. Permit yourself to feel proud. Did you manage to get out of bed? Good, celebrate with a coffee. Have you done your job? Cool. Let’s eat your favourite cake. Done your morning exercise? High-five yourself. No matter what you accomplish during the day, reward yourself. Doesn’t have to be a big thing (but if you have the money you can buy the new iPhone as a reward 😉). Just make sure you let your mind know that you are super cool. (I know so many of you are on a diet and now shouting to me… hey, it can be anything, not necessary to reward with food. A smile to your reflection in the mirror with a nice affirmation, such as “You are the best, b@tch, we’ve done it!” is fine. However, BigMac with Coke is a bit more satisfying.😜)
  1. Watch a funny movie. While watching a comedy your body produces dopamine and you will feel happy and excited again. My go-to movie is Mamma Mia. Dance, Music, fun and romance together. What is your favourite happy movie? Sit down and give yourself time to enjoy it. When you feel a piece of sh@t, you just do yourself a favour and laugh. Allow yourself a bit of a smile. 
  1. Process the sadness. I know it doesn’t sound so positive and mood-lifting, but to move on is necessary to feel everything. If you just try to be happy and you forget to deal with the not-so-pleasant things, you create a resistance in your body and it will cause much more harm than good. So first sit down, feel the sh@t, cry, and let out the anger and the depression, so after that, you will have space for the good. There are many ways to release negative emotions, find yours. (I’m thinking about a full post with release techniques.🤔 Let me know if you want to hear them. 😂)

Don’t worry too much about the depressive weather and all those feelings, just let go of what no longer serves you and do something that makes you feel happy. Trust me all seasons are come and go, this one too. Very soon you will be ready to celebrate life (and Christmas😅) again. I am holding your hand and with you on this. Tom Hanks said once that the best advice he ever had was: “It shall pass!” Well guys Fall will pass soon so enjoy the good part of it, the colorful leaves, the pumpkins, the Halloween (I love that spooky night too.😅) and try to be in the present as much as you can. 

So nothing left to say other than Spice up your latte, fire up your candles and walk through Fall together because we are the SpitFires and SpitFires never left anyone behind.😘 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

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Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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Blog Egyéb kategória

“Let them” theory or how to enjoy the Holiday season

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and ready for my favourite holiday of all time… yes, It’s Christmas time Baby!!! 😅

Even though since Winter arrived, we are most likely to close ourselves in the room with a warm blanket, a nice mug of hot chocolate and a movie or book, we still have to interact with people around us especially now during the holiday season. Have you ever felt that you wish you had a magic wand and change the people around you? I am sure we all had this idea once or twice… hourly. But we all know that we cannot do this. (Nope, not in a legal way for sure. 😅)

Since I relocated back to my country, I have had more interaction with people and some of them are not avoidable. But what we can do if we are not from a Harry Potter movie? Well, I found the answer… actually, Mel Robbins found the answer with her “Let Them” theory. I link you here to the entire podcast episode about this, so you can hear from her the whole thing. I mentioned her name and work so many times in this blog and the fact that the woman is brilliant and I adore her. 

I heard about this theory from her a long time ago and my mentor/friend told me this in a different way, but you know how life works? You hear something, you do it, it works, and when things are good and Life flows, you forget about it and not practice it until you need it again. (Typical and absolutely wrong, but we are human, we have to make mistakes a million times to finally get them. Life!🙄)

Essentially, it’s about acknowledging that we can’t control other people and letting go of the expectations we force on those closest to us. You allow things as they are and not as you wish them to be. It is easier to say than done… I know. But it is easy. If you listen to the podcast you can have examples, but I share some of mine, how this little brain hack changed my life and especially my relationships.

So first, how to use it? Simple.

  1. Recognize that you are in a situation where you try to control someone or something. You need to stop first and realize that you are only able to control actions or reactions to the situation.
  2. “Let them”- accept the things/situation/people the way they are.

As I said, it is very easy and simple. How does it work? My favourite example, from my own life, is if your mother wishes to cook the holiday dinner instead of ordering from a restaurant…well, let her. (I love you Mom, you are the best! 😘) Instead of sitting around us and having fun, she does the Christmas dinner… we can just order from a restaurant, which would save time and energy for her, but this is very important for her to do it, so I have to let her be. Will I ever agree on this? Nope! But instead of arguing about this thing, I just let her do what is best for her.

Or the typical toilet seat argument… up or down? Come on?! Doesn’t matter… just let them down… or up. 😉 But we all know when colleagues go to drink after work and they do not invite you. Let them. If it is important to you to spend time with them outside of work, you can organize a drink too. I see that we are so different and we do not agree with many things, but instead of trying to change someone just let them be themselves. You can save so much time and energy by focusing on yourself and the way you like to experience this thing we call Life rather than just being upset that the people around us do not match the expectations we create. 

You can also use the “Let Them” theory to let people grow and fail. I know we wish to save the once we love to fail or have experiences that are not good for them, but if we do not let them, we steal them the opportunity to grow. I am not a parent, but I am lucky enough to have them in my life, also I have friends and family members who are parents and I see they try to save us from everything. It seems they know everything better, they try to control us and it is so hard for them just to let us live our lives and experience uncomfortable things. I get it. My friends say that I am a natural-born “protector”. I try to help everyone around me and protect them from having negative experiences. It took me so long to understand that everyone has to have their lessons. That’s how they learn to protect themselves in the future.

If you feel you are jealous about someone…again, “let them”. You have to let out this feeling from you. If you are jealous, it means you are not accepting the people and the way of Life how it is, so you need to let this. You are trying to control the people around you when you feel like this.

It is important to mention that there are some areas when we cannot “let them”. Here are the exceptions:

  1. Drinking and driving or if someone wants to do any other kind of dangerous thing. We DO NOT LET THEM!!! 
  2. Suicidal behaviour. ( I think this is something that I do not have to explain.)
  3. Discriminate others.

The “ let them” theory is not about that we let people walk over us, we can use it for our own “safety”. Protect our feelings, save energy instead of fighting all the time and help to understand people and ourselves more. It helps us to slow down, observe our reactions, find out our triggers and even have fun.

I do recommend you listen to Mel’s podcast and follow her on every kind of social media because she is brilliant. Also, if you want more info about my mentor, send me a direct message and I’ll give you her contact.

So now go, sparkle and (Spit)Fire up yourselves for the holidays and please “let them” instead of “fight them”! 😘 And if you wish, let me know how it helped you. 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

Happy Holidays Spitfires!!!!🎄😘

XOXO,

Krisz 😘

P.S.: Follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

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Egyéb kategória Positive quotes

Do not stop

XOXO,

Krisz 😘