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Mindfulness

Hello guys,

I hope everything is going well with you. I do apologise because of the “blog-break”, but as you saw on the website, I’m a bit busy nowadays and I love that. ❤ I try to do many nice things, such as offering a free 5-question workbook. The next one is coming soon, which will help you on your self-discovery journey. 

But I’m here now to talk about an important topic, which is our health. I know this one is all over the place, and everyone is living a healthy lifestyle, and mental health is a huge topic nowadays, so the question is relevant: “What new can you tell me?” I’m not sure I can, but I believe the importance of repeating things that are valuable and can be beneficial for others. 

Since the WHO describes it very well, we all know that health is not just not being sick, but it’s feeling good in our body, mind and soul. We all know the components of a healthy life, such as a good night’s sleep, reducing stress, a balanced diet, and the list goes on. I promise I have no intention to speak about food or sleep. Also, I’ll avoid the “no drugs, alcohol or smoke” part. 

What I want to talk about is what I do every day as a life coach, which I see firsthand. This blog is positive, so today’s topic is mental health. And mindfulness. I truly believe that if someone follows a healthy diet, exercises every day, has at least 8 hours of sleep and doesn’t have any bad habits, they still can have serious health issues because of stress. Since the internet and social media are part of our everyday life, the World has accelerated, and the stress factors have increased significantly. Although companies are investing substantial amounts of money in various work-life balance activities, the burnout rates are on the rise. Why? Well, I used to work in the corporate area, and until the multimillion-dollar companies deal with their employees as robots and not humans, a weekly massage or yoga will never help. Think about it. Your company offers fresh fruits for breakfast. You took it, then you went for a company-paid 30-minute massage. When you finish with that, you sit down next to your computer, and you have 30 unread messages regarding what is wrong in the company, and everyone wants you to fix it. How would you feel? Or when you have to take your laptop with you during your holiday, just to make sure that you are reachable, and if you are, trust me, they will reach out. If they don’t, after a week of holiday, your inbox will be full, and I guarantee that when you finish with all those emails, you will feel even more tired than you left for those holidays not to mention the maternity period, especially in the UK, where, as a mother, you have to return to work after 6-8 months. However, the daycares for the kids are free after the age of 2, and the grandparents don’t live nearby or even in the same country. As a private English teacher, I work with kids and see overwhelmed and burnt-out kids every day. Be calm, be happy, be a kid, but they are in the schools until 3 pm, and after that starts the sports practices, the dance lessons, the private lessons (Maths, English, German, Biology, name it and they do it), plus the homework and we surprised when the kids are burnt-out at age 12. Not to mention the graduation periods…Jeez… they’re only 18 years old and they have so much pressure on their shoulders.

Work-life balance is just an illusion in the world. Unless you create one for yourself. I’ve been there, done that. Trust me, hard and sucks, but it’s possible. How do we start to do that?

  1. Time management is essential. The problem is that in our early years in school, we learn that everything has the same importance, which isn’t true. I don’t care if you are a student or an employee, you have to manage your time. And to do that, you must know your timeline. It means that I need 1 hour in the morning to get ready. Doesn’t matter how hard I try, I cannot be 100% during the day without my 1-hour morning prep. How long do you need? Don’t try to put 2 hours’ work in a one-hour timeframe and then be stressed out because you are not done yet.
  1. Prioritise. Multitasking is a very nice and fancy world in our lives, and that’s why we are stressed. That’s what’s expected from us. But the human brain was never wired to do a million things at once, and especially not perfectly. This is the biggest BS in the modern world. Not all the subjects are equally important at school. Come on, don’t tell me that art classes have the same importance in your college application as Maths or the languages? Unless, of course, you want to be an artist, but then Maths doesn’t matter that much. Same in your workplace. Trust me, not all 100 emails have the same priority. John’s “thank you email” will not bring 1 million for the company, but if you don’t answer the biggest client’s email, it can cost that much. So forget the multitasking and prioritise regarding the importance of the company, your life, your mood on that day, your lifestyle or the period you are in it. I used to work in a bar, and my mentor told me that, and since then, I live my life like this: “Step by step, and day by day.”
  1. Delegate. I know it’s hard to say, especially if someone is a perfectionist (like me), but you don’t have to do everything alone. Ask your friends for the exam items, so you don’t have to do them. Or ask your colleagues to help you. Women!!! You don’t have to do all the housework alone. Because your spouses, partner lives in the same house, they can help as well. I don’t say that from now on our other half should do everything, but we cannot die if we ask them from time to time for some help. We will not be less super women, just more clever. Share the housework. Discuss who likes to do what and share. I have bad news: no one is a mindreader, so if you don’t ask, you will never get the help. Just ask. Remember Smarter than harder.

Once we have a bit more time, please use it to get some rest. We will not miss anything if sometimes we do what feels good for us and say no to an event, or we just delay our so-called important obligations. Have some fun. Sometimes, I sit down and brainstorm all the things that I loved to do when I was a kid, and I do at least one item from the list. Fun, joy and happiness make us feel alive. Play like the kids. 

Create boundaries and try to focus on yourself instead of trying to please everyone around you. I know, I said this a million times, but still true: At the end of the day, you will be alone in your bed with your emotions. No one can feel your feelings, not even your partners, friends, family…only you. 

Summertime has so much magic regarding our mental health. Go for a walk in nature, go for a holiday, spend as much time as possible with your loved ones, take a night swim in the lake, go for a horse ride, have a picnic, take a day off and get lost in the woods, just go outside and enjoy the wonder around you. 

So SpitFire Up, and please take care of yourself. Summer is the best time of the year to create new and joyful habits.😘 And if you need more support, book a free 30-minute consultation, and we will see how to continue. ❤

Oh, and please don’t forget: You don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

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5 steps to gather the courage to start something new

Hello Guys,

I hope you are well and not too depressed because of the cold weather.

As I mentioned, I have a new project and you will see it very soon. The website will be updated and I will add my Life Coach and Motivational speaker services. Why and why now? Excellent questions!😅

I created this blog because I wanted to help people and because sometimes I have to give out what is inside me. 

Since I was a kid I knew I wanted to work with people and help them. But for so long I had no idea how can I do that. In 2021 I’ve met coaching and I knew this was my way. However, a lack of confidence held me back until now. Like so many of you, I questioned myself and never imagined that people would ask my opinion or why anyone would choose me to help. Who am I? Just a no one! A small village girl with a big mouth!😅 Plus what my parents and friends will say? Come on, I will only embarrass them. I was afraid, I would end up alone and no one would support or love me. So I have done nothing. 

During the past 1,5 years, I helped friends with their divorce, strangers and teenagers with their lack of self-confidence, friends with their everyday life problems and many issues. I have done it for free because I wanted to help. Even though I am only 35 years “young”, I have been through a lot. My motivation is to give some value to the people in my life. That’s the whole purpose of this blog too. If I can help only one of you with my words, it was worth it. 

So the people around me who I helped told me that I gave so much to them, why am I not doing it as a career? Well, I felt I was an impostor. I learnt those techniques and tools from other people. People who are more famous, smart and successful than I am. Motivational speakers such as Mel Robbins, Jenna Kutcher, Dean Graziozi, Roxy Nafusi, Almási Kitti and the list goes on and on. 

But recently I listened to Mel Robbins’ podcast  (I know, sorry, I adore this woman. 😅)and she said that this is just insecurity and we have to face our fear. If someone has done it, everyone can do it. And that’s just hit me on my face. I write about self-confidence here and I didn’t take my advice. 

So I started to do her Let Them theory (btw she published the book you can buy here. No, I don’t get any commission for this, I just love the theory and it works for me.😅) which by the way I wrote about it here. As Mel advises everyone, I let people judge me. I let people misunderstand me. I let people think what they want to think about me. And I let me don’t care. I let myself do what I want to do. It let me live my life the way I want to. I let myself help people in my way if that makes me feel good and happy. I am forever grateful for this woman because she changed my life so many times in many ways, and I hope you let me help change yours. 

Based on her lessons and many others in the past more than 10 years since I started to study motivation, mindfulness and self-development, I created my “system” to start working on my goals. These steps helped me to start so many things and I follow them now to create the life coaching/motivational speaker side of my life. 

So here are my 5 steps on how I gathered the courage to start something new (again😅):

  1. Identify the “problem”. In my case, the problem was my people-pleasing. I thought too much about what other people would say, do or think about me. I was paralysed by the fact that some of my friends and family members would turn back on me.
  1. Work on yourself and overcome the fear. This is where I used the Let Them theory. I let go of the negative thoughts, feelings and self-talk. I kept telling myself that I let them react how they want to react and let me be myself. I started to catch my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. I accepted my fears, but I didn’t let these feelings keep me from taking action.
  1. Identify your goal. What do I want? I wrote everything down in very itemised and specific ways. You must be clear and 100% sure about the “what you want” part, otherwise it’s not a goal, it’s just a dream. You must declare your goal. Have to have a clear vision. In my case, I wrote down that I am a “professional” life coach/motivational speaker and how many clients I have per week. (Be careful with the words and make sure you speak like it already happened.)
  1. Have a strategy. I researched life coaching businesses, their websites and social media accounts to get ideas of what and how to do. What are the steps? What do I need? How can I be seen? What kind of content and posts should I create? How my website should look like? Who do I need to speak with?
  1. Take a small step. As I mentioned earlier, my website is not done, yet, but I made my first step. And it was to reach out to an amazing human with a huge heart, who is helping me to edit my site. Yes, sometimes the first step is to ask for help. In life, there are only a few things that you can achieve alone. You need other people’s help to get the success you wish. I am lucky enough to have wonderful people around me and I am forever grateful for them. 

I truly believe these steps simply because they worked for me in the past on several different occasions. And I hope they will work for you too. During a life coach session, we will go through these steps (and many more) and basically, I will hold your hands on your way to achieve what you want. These 5 steps are only the beginning of a long road to success. As I said, at the moment the service is in progress, but if you don’t want to miss it when it’s up and running, or you have any questions, please follow me on the social media platforms or the blog (links below the post). 😘 The blog will be only in English in the future too. However, the life coach section will be available both in English and Hungarian. (That’s one of the reasons why it is not up and running yet! It’s so hard to live a bilingual life! 😅)

So please give it a try to my “magic steps”, SpitFire” up and have fun while you become more confident than you can ever imagine! 😘

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Please follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

Pinterest: @spiritofspitfires

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10 season-changing tips

Hello guys,

I hope you are well and having a wonderful Fall. As much as I love pumpkin spice lattes, I still prefer iced coffees during hot summer days. BUT very soon we reach the second best time of the year… yeeeess, Christmas Baby!!!🤪 (Sorry, Grincses!!!! 😅)

Anyway, I’m not sure how you feel, but the days are getting shorter, the nights are getting longer, and the weather is chilly and miserable, so for me, it’s a hard job to get out of bed and not just stay there with a nice book and my coffee. Not to mention get sh@t done and be positive in the meantime. This is the hardest season-changing in the year. I’m excited when we enter the Christmas holiday season or not a problem with the “from Winter to Spring” short time. (As you know me, I love Summer, so I’m sure I don’t have to explain my relationship with that change. 😅)So if you relate, I have good news. During my time in London (where most of the time the weather is like this and not just in the autumn) I’ve tried many things to lift my mood and make it easier this period of the year. I found 10 easy things that helped me out of the season change.

  1. Go outside for a little walk. I know and I can even hear: “WTF is wrong with you? Are you crazy? It’s f@cking cold outside!”🤣- Well you are right, but research (and me) proved that only a 10-minute walk lifts your mood, clears your head, helps focus and reduces stress hormones in your body.
  1. Morning exercise. It can be anything. I do 30-40 minutes of yoga or pilates every morning and after that, I feel like I’m a brand new woman who can and will conquer the world. But it can be anything. Go to the gym and lift some weights.💪 Run, if you like. (I do if I have to… for my life.) Most important is to move your body a little bit because exercise will give you a dopamine boost so your mood will be instantly better.
  1. Meditate. Any kind of meditation can help. Focus inside, release the things that no longer serve you, and be quiet. Meditation can be a long walk in nature or sitting on a bench. Don’t necessarily have to be long. 5 minutes is more than enough if you are short on time. The most important is that you are in the present. We are so worried about our past mistakes and all the “what ifs” or stressing about the future, so we forget to enjoy the present. 🧘‍♀️
  1. Be with your loved ones. While the summer is all about going out, fall is more about staying in. But you can still interact with others. Organise a movie night or watch the match together at home. Some like to play board games nights, while others prefer the spa evenings. Family dinners are cool too. No matter what, just do with people who cheer you up. Human interactions are the best mood lifters. You will feel engaged, belonged and valued. 
  1. Dance. When I feel down and have no idea what to do to feel better, I always turn on my music and start dancing. Music is the best cure for everything. When you dance, you move your body and let go of all the stress, and worries and you are in the present. You do not have to be a dancer that’s the beauty of it. Just turn off your mind, feel the music and rhythm, and just be free. Loose yourself, and all the expectations and don’t care about anything else. (Well make sure you use earphones or the volume is not so high because usually, the neighbors’ music taste doesn’t match yours. I’ve tried and they weren’t happy. 🙄🤷‍♀️)
  1. Candles and coffee (or tea). When the days are darker we need as much light as possible. Light up a candle have your favourite coffee or tea and sit for a while. Feel the warmth, gratitude and, safety that a small flame can gives you. Give your soul and mind a bit of time. Buy a candle with your favourite smell. Like this, all of your five senses can be satisfied. Better if you have someone to smuggle with you while you do this lovely and relaxing “exercise”. (P.S. It can be a nice way to meditate too.😘)
  1. Journal. When you feel sad a bit because summer has just gone, grab a piece of paper and write down all the good memories. Everything and everyone why and who you are grateful for. Fill your soul and mind with warm feelings. We usually go back to the past to analyse our mistakes and blame ourselves. So why don’t we use our minds to recall happy memories? (Another good way to do this is if you don’t have pen and paper around you and need an instant mood lift if you check your photo album on your smartphone or social media.😉)
  1. Celebrate. Celebrate every small victory. Permit yourself to feel proud. Did you manage to get out of bed? Good, celebrate with a coffee. Have you done your job? Cool. Let’s eat your favourite cake. Done your morning exercise? High-five yourself. No matter what you accomplish during the day, reward yourself. Doesn’t have to be a big thing (but if you have the money you can buy the new iPhone as a reward 😉). Just make sure you let your mind know that you are super cool. (I know so many of you are on a diet and now shouting to me… hey, it can be anything, not necessary to reward with food. A smile to your reflection in the mirror with a nice affirmation, such as “You are the best, b@tch, we’ve done it!” is fine. However, BigMac with Coke is a bit more satisfying.😜)
  1. Watch a funny movie. While watching a comedy your body produces dopamine and you will feel happy and excited again. My go-to movie is Mamma Mia. Dance, Music, fun and romance together. What is your favourite happy movie? Sit down and give yourself time to enjoy it. When you feel a piece of sh@t, you just do yourself a favour and laugh. Allow yourself a bit of a smile. 
  1. Process the sadness. I know it doesn’t sound so positive and mood-lifting, but to move on is necessary to feel everything. If you just try to be happy and you forget to deal with the not-so-pleasant things, you create a resistance in your body and it will cause much more harm than good. So first sit down, feel the sh@t, cry, and let out the anger and the depression, so after that, you will have space for the good. There are many ways to release negative emotions, find yours. (I’m thinking about a full post with release techniques.🤔 Let me know if you want to hear them. 😂)

Don’t worry too much about the depressive weather and all those feelings, just let go of what no longer serves you and do something that makes you feel happy. Trust me all seasons are come and go, this one too. Very soon you will be ready to celebrate life (and Christmas😅) again. I am holding your hand and with you on this. Tom Hanks said once that the best advice he ever had was: “It shall pass!” Well guys Fall will pass soon so enjoy the good part of it, the colorful leaves, the pumpkins, the Halloween (I love that spooky night too.😅) and try to be in the present as much as you can. 

So nothing left to say other than Spice up your latte, fire up your candles and walk through Fall together because we are the SpitFires and SpitFires never left anyone behind.😘 

Oh, and please don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.😘

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: Follow me here, on Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.

Facebook: @SpiritSpitfires

Instagram: @spiritofspitfires

Pinterest: @spiritofspitfires

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3 Steps to stop being a “people pleaser”

Hello,

One week ago I wrote about how I burnt out and started to “come back” as usual. I shared my 4 steps to begin the journey, however, if you do not find the root cause of your burnout, it will return. It can be millions of reasons why, but that’s something, you will have to find out for yourself (remember: sit down and just ask questions, and your brain will answer). What I wanted to talk about today is one of the most common reasons, what I saw in my inner circle…and that’s my friends: people pleasing. 

What is “people pleasing”? Well, did you ever experience someone asking you something, someone who is important in your life (can be a family member, your boss, a friend, doesn’t matter) and you really didn’t want to do that thing, but you did it anyway? That’s “people pleasing”. You know when you feel you need rest, but your mother calls you to go to the family dinner on Sunday, while your plan was just to be in your bed and watch Netflix. Or, when you do not want to dress up to go to the shop, but you do it anyway, because of what the people will say in the village. Or, you do not have time and capacity to do another task, but when someone asks you, you do it anyway, because you want them to like you. When you push yourself and your needs in front of another (not because you want to, only because you feel you have to), that is “people pleasing”. Or trying to be perfect.

(Let’s make something clear.  We don’t talk about the situations when your parents or partner ask you to take out the rubbish or clean your room/house or the cooking is your turn… that’s laziness and you know it, so I just want to make sure that this post will not be an excuse next time when they will ask you.😅)

Why do we do that? Why do we want to be perfect for everyone around us?  First thing first, we all do that from time to time, (someone more often than others), so don’t be hard on yourself. Based on my experience, based on my and other people’s research (listen to Mel Robbins’s podcast about it, or read her book, just to mention one person who is an expert on this subject) we all do it because of our fears. 

From what do we fear? They will not accept us, they will judge, their opinion, how they will see us, etc. We can call it how we want, but guess what? We all basically want to be loved. So we do everything to make sure that people will love/like us. We try to be perfect, we pretend that we are who we are not, just to make sure that we make others happy, so we can get their love. You are afraid to say NO because you will feel guilty that you put yourself in front of others. Because in our society there are 2 types of people: either selfish or people pleaser. No middle way. You want to make sure that everyone gets what they want around you, so they are happy and they love you. Let me tell you something. This is absolutely my experience. BULLSHIT! If someone loves you, will love you even if you say no sometimes. These people will love you no matter what and the funny part is that they want you to be happy just as much as you do want them to be happy. So if you do what they ask but in the meantime, you are exhausted, anxious, and depressed, they will not be happy, because they cannot see the happiness in your eyes. 

I read this, heard this, and watched this so many times and in so many places, but for me, this was one of the most important lessons I have learned in my life: If you are not happy, you are not able to make others happy. First, you have to be happy, so you have happiness in your heart and you can give it to others. You cannot give something that you don’t have. Do you want your kids, family, your partner, your friends, your boss, your colleagues, and your neighbors to be happy? Be happy first and they will be happy because you are happy and if you are happy you are able to give love. It will not work in the opposite way. Your “love tank” needs to be full first.

Okay, I know now so many of you say “yes, but in this case, we will be selfish”. Yes, you have to be a bit. But my opinion of taking care of ourselves until we do not hurt others is just self-care. You have to take care of yourself and love yourself to be able to live and give it to others, so if you don’t make any damage to others, is it really selfishness or is it self-care? You see, huge difference.

Okay, so how do we stop to be a “people pleaser”, but not become selfish? I have my 3 “exercises” I usually do (but as you see, I burnt out too, so sometimes I forget to use these things, and that’s okay. We are human and we are not and don’t have to be perfect- we can’t).

  1. Questions. Ask yourself questions. “Do I really want this? Is it really good for me? Am I lazy or it is legit why I don’t want XYZ? What can I do today to make me happier? What is important to me? Do I hurt anyone, if I don’t XYZ?”- You will feel it. Your brain will start to search for the answers and you will feel and know the right answers for you.
  2. Say NO! You can, you should and you are allowed to say NO. I know this is hard sometimes and you feel the guilt, but you must. I don’t say to start an argument and shout. No! Just tell to the person how you feel. In the beginning, when you start to create your boundaries, people will test you. Life will test you. Sometimes you would say yes, just to avoid the conflict and let yourself be, but if you do it, you will feel tired again and you can start everything from the beginning. You will learn to love yourself if you can hold your boundaries. (FYI: The people who love you, will understand and continue to love you. But it will be hard because some of the people who do not love you enough will be left from your life.)
  3. Do something that makes you happy every day. Don’t care about what others would say, or how stupid it sounds, just do it. Something, anything. Doesn’t matter just makes you smile. Be silly, be crazy, and be yourself. (I know it is hard because people want you to be yourself, but “please not that much”. It will be a different post for sure.)

At the end of the day, the most important person in your life should be you, because when you are in your bed, you are alone with yourself (even if someone sleeping next to you). If you are not happy, do you really FEEL happiness about the fact that you made everyone else happy? Be honest with yourself.

Well, I hope it helps guys. I am with you and we stepping together to get back our (Spit)fire. 😘

Don’t forget: Don’t have to be always strong to be a Hero.

XOXO,

Krisz😘

P.S.: (This post is based on my experiences and what I see around me, but please know I don’t think it is the TRUTH, every one of us is different. May what makes sense to me, it will not make any sense to you.)